Today, I was caught taking a Walnap. FML

By 8earclaw - United States

I agree, your life sucks

1129

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108

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Face value

The sweet smell of unsuccess

QUIET PLEASE

By Powerless - Australia

Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML

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9013

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29599

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By indefiniteforest - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh... That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

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7109

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521

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By ineed sleep!!!

Let me sleep!

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML

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1881

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224

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 20:01

Sore

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

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2238

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236

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By okseñoryoucrazy - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

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33950

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

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26202

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2739

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By SherryBaby - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13820

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28092

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By kittyslayer - United States

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32881

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3863

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By zawbentley - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39918

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6351

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By pickle

Ouch!

Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML

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1132

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507

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21763

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35678

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By Equi - United States

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2422

You deserved it

303

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By NoBasement4U - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26326

You deserved it

2116

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24263

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3242

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By stuck - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32497

You deserved it

4648

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By Nicole - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11142

You deserved it

886

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24290

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11842

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By Joey - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41577

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2456

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By t

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

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31671

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6130

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By daddy-to-be - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

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79919

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17258

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

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30179

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3715

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By BrewPack - United States - Slinger

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

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46964

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3403

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By MimiFufu

I am what I am

Today, yet again I got delayed in airport security. One month ago, I thought it was a good idea to wear make-up when renewing my passport. It turns out I look nothing like myself without makeup. Hello shattered confidence and 5 years of needing to wear makeup for every flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1155

You deserved it

915

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By greattt - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

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30086

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3835

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By Anonymous - United States - Yukon

Today, I spent over $20 at the laundromat doing two weeks of laundry, just to avoid using the facilities in my apartment complex and having to deal with my creepy landlord trying to steal my underwear again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22413

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1600

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40576

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4350

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By bummerdood - United States - Wichita

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

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24676

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7966

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By iloveretail - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

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14762

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798

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By Oopsydaisy31

Metal music

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

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505

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4414

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

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22836

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70353

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By Pongy

Today, I found out that shirt sizes don't get longer, they get wider. Being 6ft4, every shirt I try on makes me look like a cheap stripper. FML

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44528

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3252

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By noantiquesforme - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

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30648

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2709

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

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53202

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4371

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By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48715

You deserved it

3330

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40408

You deserved it

8076

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By _Tatyana_ - United States - Gettysburg

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62247

You deserved it

3602

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46563

You deserved it

3209

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

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42135

You deserved it

8554

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By Fred - United States - Kingston

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36506

You deserved it

5773

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2020 12:00

Give Out But Don't Give Up

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

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1583

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173

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Top comments

By EverdreamOfMe | 24

#6716428 - Saturday 26 November 2016 4:02

This is not even slightly funny, and I hope I don't get banned for saying that. I'm just pointing out what we're all thinking.

By redlizzybeth | 24

#6716359 - Friday 25 November 2016 23:07

Will they napmatch if you nap better somewhere else?

COMMENTS

By KyoshiroT | 32

#6716318 - Friday 25 November 2016 19:29

That joke was awful that it's funny

By sighlifeman | 12

#6716335 - Friday 25 November 2016 21:05

Walmart walnap

BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#6716346 - Friday 25 November 2016 22:05

If it ain't broke don't fix it.

kookysoc | 11

#6721724 - Monday 12 December 2016 10:10

LMAOO

By redlizzybeth | 24

#6716359 - Friday 25 November 2016 23:07

Will they napmatch if you nap better somewhere else?

By BestOrginalName | 22

#6716371 - Saturday 26 November 2016 0:43

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-*coughs intensely*-HAHAHAHHA! Two jokes in one!

By ApplePie1994 | 27

#6716410 - Saturday 26 November 2016 3:12

Lol'd so hard that I fell off my trolley.

By EverdreamOfMe | 24

#6716428 - Saturday 26 November 2016 4:02

This is not even slightly funny, and I hope I don't get banned for saying that. I'm just pointing out what we're all thinking.

coming back in the future | 30

#6716467 - Saturday 26 November 2016 6:40

I think it's so bad it's funny.

By netflixjunkie8 | 8

#6716477 - Saturday 26 November 2016 7:17

By TxAsMaD3 | 19

#6716696 - Sunday 27 November 2016 2:42

If you haven't sat in one of those before you're missing out the kid cart is comfy as hell during a long work day

By cuz803 | 31

#6716896 - Sunday 27 November 2016 16:54

Well quite awfully funny, ay?

By 3daizies | 2

#7404687 - Sunday 5 February 2017 0:42

A walnap. In a Walcart. At Walmart.