Kids: Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really... - FML

By stpry of my life - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

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Thanks, I'm cured!

Greed

No, Drake, no

By Raset24

Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML

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By ScottyB - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

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By itsnotyouitsher - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

You did ask…

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

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By synn - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

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By amber - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

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By Jared - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

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By sifa - Malaysia

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

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By jesushelpme - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By .__. - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

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By TextsAlot - Canada

Today, my husband has been out of town for a week. The only text I've got from him was, "I didn't take a poop today." FML

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By iAmJasper - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

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By almost jobless - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

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By das_shizzle

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

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By Angelica - United States

Today, I had to sit patiently at the checkout at work, listening to my own father rant about how the twinkies he was buying were "twice the size back in my day", and how "you could buy a dozen of these suckers for just 10 cents." He didn't stop there. No, he tried to haggle over the price. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

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By chiktikka - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

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By Oraashi - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I've been in love with for three years. Her response was to well up, start crying, and ask me why I had to have chosen her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

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By FML - United States - Houston

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

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By DroopyDog - Netherlands

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 05:00

Better Call Saul

Today, apparently according to my parents, since they raised me, it gives them the right to use the money I worked hard for, and there’s nothing I can do about it. FML

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By faded as shit - United States

Today, my parents took away my laptop, TV, Xbox, and car all because I broke up with my girlfriend. They said when I patch things up with her, I can have my stuff back. FML

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By - United States - Gualala

Today, while house sitting for my mother and stepfather, their elderly dog passed away. They live in such a remote location, the closest open vet office is a 2 hour drive, and the local one opens in 10 hours. FML

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By thisblows - United States

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

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By Nightsong - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, I saw a ridiculously hot guy dining with his family. I decided not to flirt with him with his parents around but to ask his sister (who went to the restroom) to give him my phone number. When I came back, I saw her pointing a finger at me, and the whole family turning around and staring. FML

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By ForeSight

Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML

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By First Kiss - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

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By Elizabeth - France

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

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By 242795 - United States - Buies Creek

Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML

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By Anyonymous_101

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

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By Octobre - United States

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

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By Sonic - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

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By hitchhiked - United States

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

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By ........................... - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

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By youmakemesick - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 4 years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me and then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML

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Top comments

By efemivida | 0

#9038 - Saturday 28 February 2009 3:01

Hopefully it was more awkward for the people who didn't invite her. They probably felt bad seeing her there by herself.

By PureGold | 0

#9018 - Saturday 28 February 2009 2:27

Aww!! You were just trying to do something nice...sucks that it backfired :(. Your niece will forgive you one day...

COMMENTS

By candyaddict_fml | 0

#9011 - Saturday 28 February 2009 2:16

aww dat really sucks!! well i dnt see an upside frm diz srry

Reply

dav3800 | 7

#3896572 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:50

Your grammar disgusts me, #1.

Reply

NiallsMofo | 1

#4832393 - Saturday 18 August 2012 23:06

I really want to throw a dictionary at your face.

Reply

Carloshlz | 1

#5458475 - Sunday 21 April 2013 16:15

#1 i really hope #57 throws a dictionary at your face.

Reply

FkMeSleep | 5

#5883393 - Thursday 13 March 2014 0:31

I really want to feel sorry for the kid.... but #1s comment is too distracting. Maybe if someone threw a dictionary at them it'll lodge in their skull and they'll learn something.... just saying....

Reply

kittykat1501 | 31

#6336520 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 17:34

57, go for it

Reply

TisButAScratch | 10

#6600480 - Sunday 8 May 2016 21:21

ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT!?

Reply

PainInTheAsss | 16

#6660015 - Thursday 28 July 2016 21:17

I think google translate is broken, because it won't translate this foreign language.

Reply

childproofpizza | 19

#6709438 - Friday 4 November 2016 20:19

Stupidity has no language

By luckyyyme | 0

#9014 - Saturday 28 February 2009 2:22

Aww :[ poor niece!

By k649 | 0

#9017 - Saturday 28 February 2009 2:25

Well...that is just bad luck.

By PureGold | 0

#9018 - Saturday 28 February 2009 2:27

Aww!! You were just trying to do something nice...sucks that it backfired :(. Your niece will forgive you one day...

By sunshyne84_fml | 0

#9021 - Saturday 28 February 2009 2:29

awkward!

By efemivida | 0

#9038 - Saturday 28 February 2009 3:01

Hopefully it was more awkward for the people who didn't invite her. They probably felt bad seeing her there by herself.

By suckerz | 0

#9073 - Saturday 28 February 2009 3:56

why would they not invite her??? should have thrown food at the brthday kid... morons

By King_of_Kings | 3

#9089 - Saturday 28 February 2009 5:16

the 5 year old girl can just say to the others ha ha, i still got to go to chuck E cheese. ha ha

By redroses5 | 0

#9091 - Saturday 28 February 2009 5:20

@15.. doubt it. It must've been so awkward for her.

By King_of_Kings | 3

#9093 - Saturday 28 February 2009 5:25

hell, i would do that.