Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing... - FML

By StevieMe - 8/4/2009 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

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Everyone's an expert

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Who's a good boy?

By in this day and age.... - 27/3/2016 16:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 00:12 - France - Bourges

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

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By InDisbelief - 12/4/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

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By MLS - 14/2/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 15:03 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

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By Miroslav208 - 20/10/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

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By WhitneyHouston - 6/7/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

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By anonymous - 19/3/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

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By annie00016 - 27/10/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

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By Sheepiebeepie - 11/8/2017 04:30

NEVER JOKE ABOUT FLUFFY

Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML

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By HT BaaFly - 7/9/2011 15:08 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

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By fatty - 23/9/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

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By help me! - 2/10/2010 14:26 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

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By Taylor Easley - 17/3/2012 04:53 - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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By kaitlintaylor - 7/11/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

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By loser4life - 30/7/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

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By TiredParent - 9/10/2018 12:00

Today, I had to take my eyes off my kid for a minute to respond to an important work email. I was about to click send when I heard a flushing sound and mad giggling. It was the TV remote. FML

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By logansowow - 25/8/2016 00:37

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

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By nothotforteacher - 7/1/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

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By laurraaa - 11/7/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, I received 7 notifications on facebook. Girls in my grade were commenting on my photo because they knew the location of it. They then started to have a conversation and they planned a whole social event. On my photo. I wasn't invited. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2015 06:29 - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

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By RdL - 17/3/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

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By Username - 18/10/2010 15:52 - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

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By Elis - 1/3/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

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By Prometheus - 24/3/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He rolled up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

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By - 18/1/2017 10:00

Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, whom I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 17:00

Bird's eye view

Today, I found out that my shower area is in direct view from my neighbours' balcony. I realised this when I caught my neighbour and his wife watching me while I was getting dressed. I've been living here for 7 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2019 22:00

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their brand new mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiped a mini-van I decided to walk the last mile. FML

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By Purple - 6/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2015 19:35 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

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By paywithpoop - 22/6/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 01:15 - United States

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

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By notgivingup - 1/10/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

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By E.B. - 27/6/2014 00:07 - United States - Grenada

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

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By Michaelichael - 28/3/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

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Top comments

By TeenTiger | 0

#94015 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:03

Could you tell us the location of your work place so we can all avoid it. Thanks.

By VerticalOrbit | 0

#94061 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:10

Ok, so, you put your hand IN YOUR PANTS?
I'm not a guy, but most guys I've seen that get an itch, usually don't put their hand in their pants.

You're doing it wrong.

Comments

By WFactor | 0

#94013 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:03

That's hilarious.

Reply

beccaishereyay | 11

#938888 - Friday 12 March 2010 10:33

"Today, I went to get a largevpicture of myself laminated. the guy proceeded to rub his ballsack then continued to laminate my picture like nothing happened. when it was finished there was a large pubic hair on my cheek, FML."

Reply

ccftw | 0

#981365 - Sunday 18 April 2010 11:29

this is why the razor was invented, ladies and gentlemen

Reply

hazelkee | 0

#1043577 - Friday 25 June 2010 22:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

terranada | 3

#1183984 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 22:57

ydi for having hairy nuts

Reply

limabeans101029 | 20

#1237169 - Friday 13 August 2010 19:59

why is shaving your privates gross? lots of ppl do it. u see, most guys dont like it when their gfs have bushes. and some girls dont like it when their bfs do either. how old ARE you?

Reply

ronton | 4

#1351165 - Saturday 4 September 2010 17:38

you stuck your hand inside your pants to scratch??? WTF

Reply

BarcodeDragon | 0

#4603445 - Saturday 23 June 2012 11:34

I thought it said that he was laminating a potato. I need some sleep.

Reply

nlm92 | 15

#5946951 - Friday 16 May 2014 14:57

#177 That's not necessarily true. Preferences vary from person to person. I makes sense to keep it trimmed but fully shaven is a subjective preference. It's not the pubic hair that's gross it's the fact that he didn't scratch it through his pocket or something.

By TeenTiger | 0

#94015 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:03

Could you tell us the location of your work place so we can all avoid it. Thanks.

Reply

zadie | 6

#4185637 - Monday 19 March 2012 8:59

This is one of those FMLs that you simply COULD NOT make up!

Reply

_Adog2645 | 24

#6725562 - Wednesday 21 December 2016 16:47

But #2 didn't type an fml, it was just a comment...

By hatarou | 0

#94032 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:05

man thats messed up did anything bad happen

Reply

yuhhkno | 0

#1042363 - Friday 25 June 2010 5:45

did she notice loll what happendd!?

By Panime | 0

#94036 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:07

One day that will be a revered piece of art!

By piderman13 | 0

#94043 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:07

Its not his fault!!! When it itches, it demands immediate attention!! I say if anyone got mad at OP then screw them! Honestly, the golden pocket coins come first

Reply

Lexi333 | 0

#987867 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:16

omg # 5 u made my fukn day. ur too hilarious

Reply

Dunebuggy569 | 5

#1198572 - Friday 6 August 2010 14:49

#5, you probably have alot of pissed off crazy ex-girlfriends from you scratching your balls in public with them don't you?

Reply

Dear_Karma | 27

#6503341 - Wednesday 6 January 2016 17:47

Ya but he didn't have to stick his hands down his pants to do it!

By sforward09 | 0

#94044 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:07

hahahahaha thats fucking hilarious...

but discusting at the same yime... you shouldnt have scratched your nuts next to the machine

By SFemily | 0

#94045 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:07

That is horribly gross!

By acertijo | 0

#94060 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:10

hahahaha awesomely gross XD

By VerticalOrbit | 0

#94061 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:10

Ok, so, you put your hand IN YOUR PANTS?
I'm not a guy, but most guys I've seen that get an itch, usually don't put their hand in their pants.

You're doing it wrong.

Reply

t3a | 0

#1419067 - Friday 17 September 2010 16:28

truth, what kinda gross Weirdo shoves his hand in his pants and palms his balls

Reply

Poepiepiesie | 3

#1534822 - Monday 11 October 2010 23:52

I indeed mostly use my tongue to get rid of ballsack itches.

Reply

nexismyname | 0

#2294546 - Monday 4 April 2011 21:13

181 I rofld hard hahaha

By Savvy89 | 0

#94062 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 23:10

hahahahaha, tell her that is how the photo was when you recieved it, you noticed it at first but just thought the woman had a large cheek hair.

that should work =p

Pictures are Worth 1000 words and A Pubicle