Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in... - FML

By 2old4thiscrap - 8/12/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18531

You deserved it

37092

Tweet

Share

British Broadcasting Corporation

Rich people problems

Tidy your room

By Samantha - 29/3/2009 03:14 - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50013

You deserved it

21754

Tweet

Share

By Mom - 25/7/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45757

You deserved it

26116

Tweet

Share

By Username - 16/2/2012 23:30 - United States

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28969

You deserved it

3084

Tweet

Share

By James - 22/7/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48722

You deserved it

12036

Tweet

Share

By faulty number - 28/1/2013 23:25 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9711

You deserved it

38732

Tweet

Share

By roadrage - 22/10/2009 13:11 - Australia

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35942

You deserved it

3273

Tweet

Share

By lolzor - 12/3/2009 12:07 - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37419

You deserved it

105856

Tweet

Share

By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1313

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Empathy

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1810

You deserved it

256

Tweet

Share

By Toilettrash - 6/7/2012 10:51 - United States

Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30830

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

By kqwarrior - 27/6/2016 03:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13631

You deserved it

922

Tweet

Share

By asthmasucks - 19/9/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65034

You deserved it

3572

Tweet

Share

By EggyBum - 26/1/2010 01:41 - United States

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9065

You deserved it

30396

Tweet

Share

By catsonuincorns - 15/4/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4395

You deserved it

222

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 20:52 - United States

Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25299

You deserved it

12936

Tweet

Share

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25030

You deserved it

1796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57878

You deserved it

5969

Tweet

Share

By the_dog_sitter - 13/3/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71480

You deserved it

24464

Tweet

Share

By dannyfanny - 28/8/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42650

You deserved it

2587

Tweet

Share

By Grindyloo - 5/5/2012 10:06

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42235

You deserved it

2777

Tweet

Share

By magicman - 26/4/2011 04:45 - Canada

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34554

You deserved it

17412

Tweet

Share

By TooFast - 21/7/2019 02:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1723

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/7/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1408

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/5/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30895

You deserved it

13893

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59517

You deserved it

3328

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30566

You deserved it

14567

Tweet

Share

By "Lifefail887" - 4/7/2017 18:30

Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3827

You deserved it

2252

Tweet

Share

By SweetDreamsTibi - 10/2/2019 12:00

Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2117

You deserved it

1201

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17891

You deserved it

55868

Tweet

Share

By thehaystackerine - 1/3/2020 12:00

Asshole Design

Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1266

You deserved it

251

Tweet

Share

By nomorecleanballs4u - 28/2/2017 19:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, my husband received a package in the mail containing a bottle of billiard ball cleaner for our pool table. Yes, billiard ball cleaner. I can't get that slovenly wretch to clean a toilet to save his life, but now he's determined to have the shiniest balls on the block. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5713

You deserved it

645

Tweet

Share

By weedvocate - 25/3/2020 14:02

All in the Family

Today, my mother brought home dinner for 4 people. I was not one of those people. The dog, however, was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1643

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11668

You deserved it

35735

Tweet

Share

By wetqueefa - 3/2/2013 09:58 - United States - Union City

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32735

You deserved it

3157

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29458

You deserved it

7131

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 14:25

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2270

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 00:32 - United States - Missouri City

Today, while at a store, my stuttering problem became so bad the poor store clerk had to supply my own words for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25543

You deserved it

2045

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2013 04:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65604

You deserved it

6059

Tweet

Share

By 12incher - 15/3/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83383

You deserved it

42569

Tweet

Share

By embarassed - 14/1/2011 10:11 - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27816

You deserved it

5318

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jillianb34 | 0

#710751 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:05

i love coloring books :)

By too_curvy | 0

#710759 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:07

haha! 21yo female, I love coloring books.

COMMENTS

By jillianb34 | 0

#710751 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:05

i love coloring books :)

Reply

Starfire22 | 5

#710806 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:26

Same here:)

Reply

ZombieKnickers_fml | 8

#710870 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:56

Doesn't everyone?

Reply

YayAmerica | 0

#710886 - Wednesday 9 December 2009 0:10

The real tragedy is that he's so insecure that he would consider this an FML. FHL.

By twiddleFig | 0

#710756 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:07

lol, i do the same thing

By too_curvy | 0

#710759 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:07

haha! 21yo female, I love coloring books.

Reply

Zoomer117 | 1

#710775 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:12

hey what does MLIA mean?

By youaredumb | 0

#710760 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:08

This isn't an FML. This is a MLIA!

By pearls | 0

#710771 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:13

They would lap this up if it were to be posted on MLIA ;)

By RyeBreadBoy | 0

#710772 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:12

I wish it wasn't so, but this would definitely get posted on MLIA. I hate what that site has become.

By elyssarae | 0

#710779 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:14

Haha I agree. I love coloring books, and this should be an MLIA since you have time to even color! :]]

By vyper360 | 0

#710788 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:18

MLIA is mylifeisaverage

By robertsk89 | 0

#710790 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:19

woah coloring was one if my favorite past times when I was a child. I should retake it up

By Person1233 | 12

#710803 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:23

MLIA?

Reply

Person1233 | 12

#710874 - Tuesday 8 December 2009 23:58

Today, FML is moderating random comments. I feel oppressed. FML.