Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him,...

By Oops - 3/1/2016 19:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Caught red-handed

Fairytale ending

By stupid - 21/12/2010 15:21 - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2018 19:00

Heart = Broken

Today, I got my lady bits waxed for my man with a little heart-shaped landing strip. Later, as he removed my panties, he crinkled his nose and stated, "It looks like Donald Trump." FML

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By apparentlyugly - 10/12/2014 01:56 - United States - Henderson

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

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By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

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By notahero - 9/1/2015 04:40 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

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By panicelement - 27/2/2013 07:17 - United States - Carbondale

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

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By I need a new ballsack. - 16/9/2014 16:20 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 19:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

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By Anonyme - 27/3/2015 09:50 - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2020 17:00

Check this out

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

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By anon - 29/8/2012 04:52 - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

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By Chamorru - 4/10/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

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By nocatlover - 21/1/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

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By BritishDates - 22/8/2018 13:00

Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML

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By shouldabeenapornstar - 17/3/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

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By barista - 5/12/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

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By Charlie - 5/5/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

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By heymacie - 19/2/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 13:23 - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

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By tickle spunk - 29/12/2011 18:39 - United States

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

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By ChePow - 20/8/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2016 09:15 - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

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By unaware - 19/9/2012 04:14 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

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By zep - 7/6/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

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By YYY - 29/5/2019 18:00

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

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By ifeelfat - 17/6/2014 20:44 - United States

Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2014 15:21 - United States

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

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By "Brain_fart" - 18/9/2017 05:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So far I've seen them run and hide from 3 different mice who've recently invaded my apartment. FML

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By dadyoureacunt - 21/9/2013 13:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

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By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

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By chill - 17/12/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

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Top comments

By Comrox | 19

#6501156 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:39

Personally I wouldn't see that as a good idea when other people are present... YDI

By paperbag77 | 9

#6501162 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:54

short of having sex on a mirror how the hell do you know what your own orgasm face looks like

Comments

By exoticDeath | 20

#6501155 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:38

Should've made sure that no one was looking??

By Comrox | 19

#6501156 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:39

Personally I wouldn't see that as a good idea when other people are present... YDI

By Theokholes | 14

#6501157 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:41

Tell the kid he'll never be able to give a girl that face. Destroy his dreams

abnormaalz | 7

#6501166 - Monday 4 January 2016 10:05

why that he did'nt do anything wrong....

Theokholes | 14

#6501204 - Monday 4 January 2016 12:07

for the lolz of course, the kid will not remember what she said anyway so

pizzas_awesome | 18

#6501205 - Monday 4 January 2016 12:15

He's 13. I still remember stuff from when I was 5.

Theokholes | 14

#6501449 - Monday 4 January 2016 18:43

But why would the kid give a fuck ? It's just a joke and the kid is already mocking her so it would be a sweet revenge

IchigoDeathGod | 14

#6501570 - Monday 4 January 2016 21:01

That'd be funny

By cheeeksss | 29

#6501158 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:42

Is it better that he finds it funny rather than being sexually attracted to you after seeing that face of yours...?

By mds9986 | 24

#6501159 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:43

How would his 13 year old cousin know that was your orgasm face and not just a random funny face?

pancakebunny | 19

#6502354 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:49

Thats exactly what i thought

nixbling | 10

#6536750 - Sunday 14 February 2016 17:55

because he is a young horny teenage who has probably discovered porn by now, or at least wanked it once or twice.

By Candijpg | 17

#6501160 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:44

I hope you weren't planning to do the dirty in the same house as the 13 year old

Limeila | 10

#6501173 - Monday 4 January 2016 10:36

Right, I guess people can't touch each other anymore once they have a kid. Oh wait, why are there so many people with siblings?

cloudyface | 23

#6501291 - Monday 4 January 2016 15:13

Because she wouldn't do a good job making sure no one is around before they do it

nixbling | 10

#6536751 - Sunday 14 February 2016 17:56

it was his cousin tho, not their own kid. she probably wasn't expecting to see him there.

By paperbag77 | 9

#6501162 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:54

short of having sex on a mirror how the hell do you know what your own orgasm face looks like

AyeJay101 | 25

#6501164 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:56

Guessing they got kinky one day and made a video

whysobeachy | 37

#6501426 - Monday 4 January 2016 18:14

I've never watched myself orgasm, but I have a fair idea of how my face contorts when I do. So, maybe that's how OP knows her orgasm face?

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6501163 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:56

"O" no!

lexred | 30

#6501191 - Monday 4 January 2016 11:40

what an intelligent comment to make!

Levvy | 22

#6501929 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 6:04

Aw, lexred, no need to be so sarcastic with yourself.

By tbangazak3 | 7

#6501165 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:57

That was dumb

By evanmurphy | 14

#6501169 - Monday 4 January 2016 10:13

It's your fault for randomly making your orgasm face. You won't be getting my sympathy as you created this "problem"

YDI.