Intimacy: Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him,...

By Oops - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

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Intimacy

Vulture

Dangling modifier

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By janused - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad still refuses to repay the loan I gave him. I've just barely managed to pay my bills, and I'm now so poor that I'll have to survive the next 3 days until my next paycheck by eating the only thing left in my fridge: a jar of cheese whiz. FML

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By krissy8799 - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

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By notsogood - United States

Snoozefest

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

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By xswitch74 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

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By crushed - United States

Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend and when his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and i thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away I hear her say "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better". FML

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By Unemployed - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML

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By szinna - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

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By Apparently not a writer - United States - Hockessin

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

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By imgonnadie - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

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By ouch - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

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By holly - Germany

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

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By Anon - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

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By Brea - United States

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

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By Machine - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

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By 1000dollarspoor - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

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By nomoreart - United States

Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

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By DrGas - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

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By Angel

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

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By JG - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

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By Oops - United States - San Francisco

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By Godhelpme - United States - Houston

Today, in a last ditch attempt to get away from my psycho coworker, I made my boss transfer me to another branch in the district. My coworker was immediately moved to that branch, because we "work well together". FML

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By Wolfrunner87 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

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By MEW - United States

Frustration level: infinity

Today, I was working drive thru and took a huge order. When the people pulled around to the window, they handed me a stack of coupons. None of the coupons were even related to what they ordered. They made me change their order to fit the coupons because they couldn't read. FML

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By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

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By amiliaroberts123 - United States - Raphine

Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML

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By tom0441 - Reserved

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

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By RIPJarJar

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

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By Terry - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

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By denae92

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

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By FUCKING POWER - United States - Wixom

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

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Top comments

By Comrox | 19

#6501156 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:39

Personally I wouldn't see that as a good idea when other people are present... YDI

By paperbag77 | 9

#6501162 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:54

short of having sex on a mirror how the hell do you know what your own orgasm face looks like

COMMENTS

By exoticDeath | 20

#6501155 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:38

Should've made sure that no one was looking??

By Comrox | 19

#6501156 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:39

Personally I wouldn't see that as a good idea when other people are present... YDI

By Theokholes | 14

#6501157 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:41

Tell the kid he'll never be able to give a girl that face. Destroy his dreams

abnormaalz | 7

#6501166 - Monday 4 January 2016 10:05

why that he did'nt do anything wrong....

Theokholes | 14

#6501204 - Monday 4 January 2016 12:07

for the lolz of course, the kid will not remember what she said anyway so

pizzas_awesome | 18

#6501205 - Monday 4 January 2016 12:15

He's 13. I still remember stuff from when I was 5.

Theokholes | 14

#6501449 - Monday 4 January 2016 18:43

But why would the kid give a fuck ? It's just a joke and the kid is already mocking her so it would be a sweet revenge

IchigoDeathGod | 14

#6501570 - Monday 4 January 2016 21:01

That'd be funny

By cheeeksss | 29

#6501158 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:42

Is it better that he finds it funny rather than being sexually attracted to you after seeing that face of yours...?

By mds9986 | 24

#6501159 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:43

How would his 13 year old cousin know that was your orgasm face and not just a random funny face?

pancakebunny | 19

#6502354 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 18:49

Thats exactly what i thought

nixbling | 10

#6536750 - Sunday 14 February 2016 17:55

because he is a young horny teenage who has probably discovered porn by now, or at least wanked it once or twice.

By Candijpg | 17

#6501160 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:44

I hope you weren't planning to do the dirty in the same house as the 13 year old

Limeila | 10

#6501173 - Monday 4 January 2016 10:36

Right, I guess people can't touch each other anymore once they have a kid. Oh wait, why are there so many people with siblings?

cloudyface | 23

#6501291 - Monday 4 January 2016 15:13

Because she wouldn't do a good job making sure no one is around before they do it

nixbling | 10

#6536751 - Sunday 14 February 2016 17:56

it was his cousin tho, not their own kid. she probably wasn't expecting to see him there.

By paperbag77 | 9

#6501162 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:54

short of having sex on a mirror how the hell do you know what your own orgasm face looks like

AyeJay101 | 25

#6501164 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:56

Guessing they got kinky one day and made a video

whysobeachy | 37

#6501426 - Monday 4 January 2016 18:14

I've never watched myself orgasm, but I have a fair idea of how my face contorts when I do. So, maybe that's how OP knows her orgasm face?

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6501163 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:56

"O" no!

lexred | 30

#6501191 - Monday 4 January 2016 11:40

what an intelligent comment to make!

Levvy | 22

#6501929 - Tuesday 5 January 2016 6:04

Aw, lexred, no need to be so sarcastic with yourself.

By tbangazak3 | 7

#6501165 - Monday 4 January 2016 9:57

That was dumb

By evanmurphy | 14

#6501169 - Monday 4 January 2016 10:13

It's your fault for randomly making your orgasm face. You won't be getting my sympathy as you created this "problem"

YDI.