Health: Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off...

By jeremyr5678 - 18/07/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 4 525

Health

Age difference

Stop talking!

Nags

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 12:30

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 556

You deserved it 450

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 08:56 - United Kingdom - Dunmow

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 117

You deserved it 5 506

By Snurkles McGree - 29/12/2011 06:47 - Canada

Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 371

You deserved it 7 625

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 741

You deserved it 2 578

By eringoBRA - 06/05/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 154

You deserved it 52 739

By Anonymous - 22/05/2012 20:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 688

You deserved it 4 513

What a wuss

By Furbabies - 10/05/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, a few few friends, along with my long-time crush of mine came over to my house so we could finish a school project. As soon as he stepped into my house, he went pale, turned heel, and refused to step foot in my house. Why? Because the bison taxidermy above my fireplace scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 3 944

By panda - 03/03/2011 11:20

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 6 266

By anonymous - 21/06/2010 12:21 - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 125

You deserved it 6 058

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 16 887

By prin - 05/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 518

You deserved it 5 787

Run for the hills!

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me the details for al-Qaeda's plan during 9/11 for an essay. I had no idea and she said she just expected me to know, since I'm "one of those people." I'm Iranian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 224

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 621

You deserved it 432

Roll with it

By anon - 17/09/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend encouragingly told me that he could tell I was losing weight, all because I had one roll fewer than usual on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 276

By Maxime - 28/02/2014 00:32 - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 113

You deserved it 4 467

By S to the HIT - 08/04/2015 16:08 - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 832

You deserved it 35 657

By Wellthen - 28/07/2016 01:07

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 316

You deserved it 1 447

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 07:20 - United States - Valencia

Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 480

You deserved it 4 168

By porkfriedlife - 28/07/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I went to a theater and saw "Bruno" with my mom. We saw "Borat" together, so I thought, 'Hey, how bad could it be?' I don't know what was more nauseating: Bruno's penis spinning around and talking or the fact that my mom thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 816

You deserved it 25 673

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 58 840

By dinapar - 14/07/2009 14:02 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 873

You deserved it 4 951

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 119

You deserved it 22 355

By sarahhh - 13/02/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 486

You deserved it 3 507

By Sneezy123 - 06/10/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 215

You deserved it 10 133

By DUMMIE - 04/03/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 605

You deserved it 30 221

He's let himself go

By whatwasithinking - 14/10/2020 17:01

Today, I took my kids to our local swimming pool. When we arrived, there were several cop cars parked outside and a group of officers interrogating a creepy, haggard-looking old man who was in handcuffs on the bench. As we got closer, I realized the man was my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 108

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 1 059

By Skido - 20/02/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 421

You deserved it 9 009

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 664

You deserved it 1 390

By Anonymous - 11/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 195

By MySistersDogisStupid - 13/01/2017 22:00

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 792

You deserved it 776

By Rosie J. - 10/11/2016 02:45 - United States - Leawood

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 270

You deserved it 570

By loli-conned - 21/06/2009 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 935

You deserved it 22 479

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 638

You deserved it 12 465

By Tingly - 16/08/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I realized that that tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 380

You deserved it 6 246

By lrn2spel, teach - 12/12/2013 18:00 - United States - Mogadore

Today, I got back the essay I wrote about how my country's education system is fucked. At one point, I made a spelling mistake. My teacher wrote a note about it, basically calling me illiterate and telling me to pay attention in school instead of whining about it. She misspelled "school". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 575

You deserved it 4 510

Spawned a monster

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 17:00

Today, I'm ashamed at ever having become a parent after I found out my daughter has been leading an online bullying campaign against a girl at her school who has disabilities, both mental and physical. Some of the language she was using in the online messages were just disgusting and unforgivable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 339

By Maddie110110 - 07/06/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 134

You deserved it 6 673

Leave us alone

By SweethomeAlabama - 01/06/2021 01:00 - Turkey - Konya

Today, a customer asked me if I was my husband's sister. A little flabbergasted, I replied, "No, I'm his wife." He went on to say, "Ah! But surely, you're related? Cousins?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 149

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Top comments

J352SAURUS 30

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:01

If you know how to do backflips and this just went horribly wrong, FYL. If you don't know how to backflip and you did it because others were doing it, then it's sort of both FYL and YDI. I'm not sure.

Allayyyyy194 6

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:00

So sorry that happened to you, really, and that they were so low about it...no empathy. But you probably shouldn't "attempt" a stunt like that just because others are doing so.

Welshite 39

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:00

Showing off stupid stunts rarely ends well. People have died doing what you did.

noonenoeone 22

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:19

People have died doing just about everything, what's your point? Gotta learn to backflip somehow, we aren't born with that ability...

ThatOneChick856 36

Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:40

Yeah, but there are ways to learn things in a safe environment without quite literally cracking your skull open.

Calingaladha 21

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 18:53

Yeah, but plenty of things don't have a risk of spinal damage/paralysis either...

Allayyyyy194 6

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:00

So sorry that happened to you, really, and that they were so low about it...no empathy. But you probably shouldn't "attempt" a stunt like that just because others are doing so.

J352SAURUS 30

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:01

neuronerd 28

Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:05

Glad you seem to be basically ok, since you're able to post this. While it may seem fun, stunts like that are rarely a good idea, and it's probably good things got shut down before something worse happened. A guy from my graduating class in high school became a quadriplegic after pulling a stunt like that at a party. He had been a promising athlete.

Tripartita 44

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 15:21

Not surprised they were pissed, OP. There were ankles to sprain, pelvises to shatter, and necks to snap, but YOU cracked your head before the main events could kick off!

gracehi 31

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 17:17

If they're more worried about their stupid party than your head, you're better off with new friends anyway.

Hyacinth_shmily 12

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 18:38

Oh my god, I just want to say are you OK now??

cootiequeen4444 11

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Wednesday 20 July 2016 6:24

No, they are not okay. They are in a coma. They are "ghostwriting" this FML with the help of a third party, a person whom can hear them but not see them. It ought to be a movie.

Bunnyluver 20

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Friday 22 July 2016 8:28

Don't mind does people shutting you don't for asking a good question and one that was addressed to Op ONLY.

species4872 19

Tuesday 19 July 2016 18:50

Stupid is as stupid does. There's always one.

zeffra13 31

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Tuesday 19 July 2016 19:18

Unless you're amazing at backflipping into a pool, you really should only practice it from a diving board. There's a much lower chance of hitting your head on that and the damage wouldn't be as bad.