Intimacy: Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

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By yeah_im_mad_bro - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

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By Nicoli - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

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By Eric

Shut up and take it

Today my college professor told me that I ask him too many questions. Apparently, my college tuition fee doesn't include learning. FML

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By whoops - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

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By meh - Canada

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

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By Jason - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

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By mrs.nerd - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

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By River - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

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By foreveralone - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

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By suckmeoff - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

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By Bruce - United States

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

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By T___T - United States - Cleveland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML

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By Ali

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

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By WrongPlaceWrongTime - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

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By socianx - Albania

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

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By EaglEye

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

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By stupid drunk bitch - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

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By Sundendako - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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By alanh69 - United States - Woodward

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

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By Sloppy Cashmere - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

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By "belladonna1025"

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

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By bureaucratic assfuckery - United States - Baltimore

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

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By MulticoloredSlug - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

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By Bee - United States

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

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By kjcarey123 - United States

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

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By padthaimeanoose - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

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By Tp - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

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By -_- - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

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By ........................... - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

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By smooth - United States

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

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By jeoak - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

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By Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood - United States - West Bend

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

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By Abby - United States - Watertown

Today, my employer gave me a gift to celebrate the one-year anniversary of my hire date. It would have been a really nice gesture if they weren't laying me off at the end of the month. FML

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By fuck you sis

Loyalty card

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

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Top comments

By ndawgg | 5

#546275 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:10

This is both a FML and a YDI.

FML because everyone saw it, but YDI for giving head at a party, even if it was your boyfriend.

By anthrodraco | 0

#546324 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

Bwahahaha. That sucks. (No pun intended)

COMMENTS

By ndawgg | 5

#546275 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:10

This is both a FML and a YDI.

FML because everyone saw it, but YDI for giving head at a party, even if it was your boyfriend.

Reply

Masta_Blasta | 0

#587696 - Saturday 26 September 2009 11:38

the di is more cause they didn't notice there'd be silhouettes.

Reply

MadVlrus | 1

#617727 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:53

Yeh it's more YDI cuz they didn't notise the freaking bright light.... -.-

Reply

jdcrazy | 0

#807885 - Friday 29 January 2010 20:19

lol funny shit

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1029323 - Sunday 13 June 2010 9:45

how the fuk do u not notice a light bright enought to freaking do that!!!!!

By luvedward4evr | 0

#546286 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:13

Wow that sucks haha

Reply

OHnathanIO | 4

#2721516 - Monday 20 June 2011 9:05

*Double snare, CRASH!*

By anthrodraco | 0

#546324 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

Bwahahaha. That sucks. (No pun intended)

Reply

alpha126 | 9

#5810417 - Monday 30 December 2013 19:30

How did this get up votes but the other one got downvotes

By ryansims | 0

#546371 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:37

that sucks but that is hilarious

By I_iz_epic | 0

#546404 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:45

You suck!!! Literally ;P

Reply

lindon555 | 0

#3791441 - Tuesday 27 December 2011 1:29

LMFAOOO

By Wankster | 0

#546436 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:59

hahaha whore

By KillU2009 | 0

#546446 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:03

anonymous? no shame in givin head.

By jcrazy123 | 0

#546467 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:11

So what exactly are you complaining about he's your boy Are you a spitter if So YDI otherwise what wrong with being a good GF and really you didn't notice the light come on

Reply

redhedsaysrawr | 18

#5191941 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 22:00

Yeah but I'm pretty sure they were both so preoccupied the thought that a light coming on would cause a silhouette like that didn't occur to them.

Reply

shay_serendipity | 29

#6210440 - Monday 23 February 2015 3:21

oi, #8, holy run-on sentence; I had to read that a bunch of times to understand what you were saying

By Jmido | 0

#546475 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:13

shadow puppet porn!

Reply

abouttofly | 12

#580312 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 14:40

a different meaning for "theater of the skin"

Reply

hayleyjames | 0

#991910 - Thursday 13 May 2010 14:33

good call #9

By M13LO | 0

#546517 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:31

haha was there a line of guys waiting for their turn??