Intimacy: Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

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There's no helping some people

Horsing around

Give me my drugs!

By apparentlybutch - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

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By CLH - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

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By bananayellowteeth - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

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By thisblows - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing. I slipped on the ice and fell in the middle of the road, dislocating my left shoulder and knee. As I was screaming in pain and trying to stand up, two boys on the pavement threw snowballs at me while everyone in the cars just drove around me. FML

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By greenhide8 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

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By NotInTheRightPlace - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

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By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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By parenting_failure - France

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

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By Geewizz - United States

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

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By arianelagolden

Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

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By you+me-clothes=53>< - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 05:05

Bitch ass move

Today, my partner and I had bought a short bus to convert to an RV, which is done and we are now ready to move in. That night, after I’m fully out of my place, she informs me she has feelings for my roommate and it’s something she must explore. I'm now homeless and they are traveling around in the conversion. FML

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By Pedro the Basuraman

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

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By Fv-day - United States

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

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By DUMMIE - United States

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

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By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

New skills

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

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By biscuit - United Kingdom

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

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By goodmorning - United States - Nashville

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

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By amber - United States

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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By Katyness - United Kingdom

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

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By Colin - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

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By CHStennis_4 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

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By hashtag beard life - 12/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Assumption Day

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML

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By holliefall - United States

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

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By Distraught - Reserved

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

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By nofooddrinkorsex - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

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By bummer.. - United States

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML

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By JulieClaire

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my brand new car. FML

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By twinkie2 - United States

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

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By emisara93

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

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By Failure - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

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Top comments

By ndawgg | 5

#546275 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:10

This is both a FML and a YDI.

FML because everyone saw it, but YDI for giving head at a party, even if it was your boyfriend.

By anthrodraco | 0

#546324 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

Bwahahaha. That sucks. (No pun intended)

COMMENTS

By ndawgg | 5

#546275 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:10

This is both a FML and a YDI.

FML because everyone saw it, but YDI for giving head at a party, even if it was your boyfriend.

Reply

Masta_Blasta | 0

#587696 - Saturday 26 September 2009 11:38

the di is more cause they didn't notice there'd be silhouettes.

Reply

MadVlrus | 1

#617727 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:53

Yeh it's more YDI cuz they didn't notise the freaking bright light.... -.-

Reply

jdcrazy | 0

#807885 - Friday 29 January 2010 20:19

lol funny shit

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1029323 - Sunday 13 June 2010 9:45

how the fuk do u not notice a light bright enought to freaking do that!!!!!

By luvedward4evr | 0

#546286 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:13

Wow that sucks haha

Reply

OHnathanIO | 4

#2721516 - Monday 20 June 2011 9:05

*Double snare, CRASH!*

By anthrodraco | 0

#546324 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

Bwahahaha. That sucks. (No pun intended)

Reply

alpha126 | 9

#5810417 - Monday 30 December 2013 19:30

How did this get up votes but the other one got downvotes

By ryansims | 0

#546371 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:37

that sucks but that is hilarious

By I_iz_epic | 0

#546404 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:45

You suck!!! Literally ;P

Reply

lindon555 | 0

#3791441 - Tuesday 27 December 2011 1:29

LMFAOOO

By Wankster | 0

#546436 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:59

hahaha whore

By KillU2009 | 0

#546446 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:03

anonymous? no shame in givin head.

By jcrazy123 | 0

#546467 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:11

So what exactly are you complaining about he's your boy Are you a spitter if So YDI otherwise what wrong with being a good GF and really you didn't notice the light come on

Reply

redhedsaysrawr | 18

#5191941 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 22:00

Yeah but I'm pretty sure they were both so preoccupied the thought that a light coming on would cause a silhouette like that didn't occur to them.

Reply

shay_serendipity | 29

#6210440 - Monday 23 February 2015 3:21

oi, #8, holy run-on sentence; I had to read that a bunch of times to understand what you were saying

By Jmido | 0

#546475 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:13

shadow puppet porn!

Reply

abouttofly | 12

#580312 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 14:40

a different meaning for "theater of the skin"

Reply

hayleyjames | 0

#991910 - Thursday 13 May 2010 14:33

good call #9

By M13LO | 0

#546517 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:31

haha was there a line of guys waiting for their turn??