Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 14:25 - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

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Season finale

Clocked

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 14:24 - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2016 14:42 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

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By Flattie - 14/9/2017 04:30

Today, I finally measured myself to find a properly fitted bra. I'm AAA, a size which doesn't technically exist. Goodbye self esteem. FML

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By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 16:00 - Australia - Sydney

Where's my explanation?

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

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By jasmine - 10/6/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2011 21:05 - United States

Today, while shopping, I was grabbed and dragged off to a security room with no warning. Apparently, the way I was dressed and walking was suspicious. FML

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By unsatisfied - 9/2/2010 03:33 - France

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

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By Guess - 21/11/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of nine months that depression runs in my family and I think the reason I've been flipping shit so much lately may be that I am depressed. Not five minutes later he decided a break would be "the best thing for us right now." FML

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By I'm disgusting - 26/5/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

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By Fuperman - 2/6/2013 23:14 - France - Illange

Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML

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By MirandaJones - 20/3/2015 14:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2019 20:00

Broken vibrator

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

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By kiki - 25/5/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 17:29 - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 10:19 - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

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By stpry of my life - 27/2/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

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By Scared - 13/7/2019 02:30

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

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By NotBridezilla - 17/12/2016 16:15 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

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By gpistas - 23/5/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

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By language barriers - 12/2/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

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By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

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By ac13 - 27/6/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2016 07:49 - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

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By Nicole - 9/5/2016 20:12 - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

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By SexyPlayer9 - 24/7/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML

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By amelie - 9/12/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting on one knee, he farted. FML

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By Bbrooks88 - 19/1/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

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By Pixel - 10/11/2014 09:10 - Canada - Castlegar

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

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By oxbonxo - 7/2/2011 08:38 - Australia

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

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By royallymessedup - 21/8/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 15:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

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By uselessdad - 7/9/2010 23:48 - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

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By impickingyourhomegran - 13/8/2012 22:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

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By americanbln - 1/8/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. His sister and I filled the air vents in his car with confetti so when he starts the car, it would blow all over him. In the process we lost the keys. The keys cost $200 to replace. Happy Birthday! FML

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By brokedad - 10/5/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

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Top comments

By ndawgg | 5

#546275 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:10

This is both a FML and a YDI.

FML because everyone saw it, but YDI for giving head at a party, even if it was your boyfriend.

By anthrodraco | 0

#546324 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

Bwahahaha. That sucks. (No pun intended)

COMMENTS

By ndawgg | 5

#546275 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:10

This is both a FML and a YDI.

FML because everyone saw it, but YDI for giving head at a party, even if it was your boyfriend.

Reply

Masta_Blasta | 0

#587696 - Saturday 26 September 2009 11:38

the di is more cause they didn't notice there'd be silhouettes.

Reply

MadVlrus | 1

#617727 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:53

Yeh it's more YDI cuz they didn't notise the freaking bright light.... -.-

Reply

jdcrazy | 0

#807885 - Friday 29 January 2010 20:19

lol funny shit

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1029323 - Sunday 13 June 2010 9:45

how the fuk do u not notice a light bright enought to freaking do that!!!!!

By luvedward4evr | 0

#546286 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:13

Wow that sucks haha

Reply

OHnathanIO | 4

#2721516 - Monday 20 June 2011 9:05

*Double snare, CRASH!*

By anthrodraco | 0

#546324 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

Bwahahaha. That sucks. (No pun intended)

Reply

alpha126 | 9

#5810417 - Monday 30 December 2014 19:30

How did this get up votes but the other one got downvotes

By ryansims | 0

#546371 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:37

that sucks but that is hilarious

By I_iz_epic | 0

#546404 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:45

You suck!!! Literally ;P

Reply

lindon555 | 0

#3791441 - Tuesday 27 December 2011 1:29

LMFAOOO

By Wankster | 0

#546436 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:59

hahaha whore

By KillU2009 | 0

#546446 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:03

anonymous? no shame in givin head.

By jcrazy123 | 0

#546467 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:11

So what exactly are you complaining about he's your boy Are you a spitter if So YDI otherwise what wrong with being a good GF and really you didn't notice the light come on

Reply

redhedsaysrawr | 18

#5191941 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 22:00

Yeah but I'm pretty sure they were both so preoccupied the thought that a light coming on would cause a silhouette like that didn't occur to them.

Reply

shay_serendipity | 29

#6210440 - Monday 23 February 2015 3:21

oi, #8, holy run-on sentence; I had to read that a bunch of times to understand what you were saying

By Jmido | 0

#546475 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:13

shadow puppet porn!

Reply

abouttofly | 12

#580312 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 14:40

a different meaning for "theater of the skin"

Reply

hayleyjames | 0

#991910 - Thursday 13 May 2010 14:33

good call #9

By M13LO | 0

#546517 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:31

haha was there a line of guys waiting for their turn??