Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up....

By disgusting - 4/2/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46451

You deserved it

2669

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Rock, hard place

Ghosted

By devil neighbours - 11/4/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I'm living in a house share with a passive-aggressive middle-aged couple who leave rude notes around the house and yet pretend I don't exist when they happen to be in the same room as me. I'm in no position to get rid of them or move myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3709

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By atomwolf - 9/12/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I wanted to work out the volume of my penis and did so on the first piece of paper I could find on my desk. After I finished the calculations I realized that the other side of the paper was in fact my school report. It's the only copy I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4963

You deserved it

11895

Favorite

By dogwheels - 20/12/2011 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33740

You deserved it

2401

Favorite

By cmac1229 - 23/6/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12105

You deserved it

51252

Favorite

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/7/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11279

You deserved it

77921

Favorite

By Baby eater - 20/5/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51351

You deserved it

5803

Favorite

By Hopeless - 8/2/2011 03:22

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39741

You deserved it

6086

Favorite

By 99520 - 28/7/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40279

You deserved it

7424

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32550

You deserved it

5789

Favorite

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33960

You deserved it

5848

Favorite

By Embarassed - 24/8/2011 02:44 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33032

You deserved it

5796

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 08:09 - United States - Redding

Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13182

You deserved it

1580

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26471

You deserved it

4411

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/2/2017 05:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I got a badly-needed job at a local discount store. After being hired, I found out I'm to help with the soon-to-begin store closing sale, and I'll be jobless again after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6817

You deserved it

437

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Surprising

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1965

You deserved it

281

Favorite

By CH - 7/12/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12655

You deserved it

41020

Favorite

By Daughter of the year - 11/3/2015 00:19 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31693

You deserved it

3594

Favorite

By kissrocks4 - 11/4/2012 07:04 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22353

You deserved it

3141

Favorite

By Teenagemum - 13/7/2019 20:30

Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to keep the house was if I get pregnant and claim child benefits. My family now won't speak to me because I refuse to do it. I'm 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2966

You deserved it

Favorite

By Synonymous_Rex - 5/1/2015 21:26 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, I went to gather the laundry out of the dryer. My daughter had seen my wife put bleach in the washer, so she decided that honey in the dryer would make the clothes smell sweet. She wasn't wrong, but now I have a giant ball of sticky socks and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29694

You deserved it

2800

Favorite

By snowman - 6/2/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25898

You deserved it

11783

Favorite

By fuckshit - 4/11/2014 14:01

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39280

You deserved it

4563

Favorite

By junior - 11/4/2010 08:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20197

You deserved it

46225

Favorite

By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00

Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose!

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1744

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26131

You deserved it

109903

Favorite

By kdgirl - 21/9/2010 03:02 - United States

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29266

You deserved it

3118

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/6/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41707

You deserved it

4909

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/5/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32333

You deserved it

5018

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22243

You deserved it

8448

Favorite

By - 30/8/2020 13:01 - Australia - Liverpool

10 out 10 for execution

Today, I had to squat to retrieve something from the bottom of the cabinet in the bathroom. This caused me to fart and startle myself enough that I jumped and banged my forehead on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1102

You deserved it

533

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 20:47 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12929

You deserved it

32067

Favorite

By anon - 30/8/2015 06:20 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23015

You deserved it

1849

Favorite

By yollew - 25/11/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11733

You deserved it

30021

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36236

You deserved it

3036

Favorite

By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38853

You deserved it

3779

Favorite

By Akestarr - 2/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56221

You deserved it

3637

Favorite

By Thongy - 7/4/2020 20:00 - Canada

Cultural differences

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1924

You deserved it

535

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/9/2018 03:30

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2453

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/3/2020 21:00

Check your head

Today, while watching a movie on my iPad, a really cute girl sat next to me. Suddenly, everyone on the bus started clapping. I started to clap very loudly as well, asking the girl why we were clapping. She gave me a strange look. I then realized the applause was coming from my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

669

You deserved it

2041

Favorite

By grossgross - 26/9/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51419

You deserved it

5504

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By vfscx0aw6o7jshl | 0

#161 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:20

How many more people are going to have to throw up before you learn to eat your lunch in the bathroom?

By alwaysalady | 0

#1634 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:29

When I was pregnant with my son I puked on my boss.

COMMENTS

By vfscx0aw6o7jshl | 0

#161 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:20

How many more people are going to have to throw up before you learn to eat your lunch in the bathroom?

By Imdead | 0

#162 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:21

Wow, Fuck her life.

AfroMike | 0

#1324055 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 0:20

this one seems fake. not sure why, but i dont believe this actually happened.

WOGBRO | 6

#2348204 - Thursday 14 April 2011 13:53

I am warning u to never say that FMLs aren't real I got kicked of for saying that.

Lichinamo | 33

#4197753 - Thursday 22 March 2012 0:08

Fuck HER life? I say fuck the OP's life. The vomiter clearly threw up for no reason and just wanted to blame someone. That someone happened to be the OP.

Raluxa | 21

#5836630 - Thursday 23 January 2014 19:47

What if OP just smelled horrible? That could be a possibility. Go shower, OP.

By boyvu22 | 0

#355 - Friday 6 February 2009 0:56

I'm not sure whether or not to believe this...are you like...how are you so...striking in appearance that you cause someone to vomit?

By lulikr | 0

#1141 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:28

maybe she was allergic to something to do with you
like if you recently ate peanutbutter or something

J0K3R13 | 9

#6032155 - Saturday 9 August 2014 18:40

could be body spray you had on or perfune

By flyingdjs | 0

#1186 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 2:21

#9!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

By VivaLaJewFace | 0

#1452 - Thursday 12 February 2009 2:58

never have i ever heard of someone throwing up from the sight of someone... that sucks so hard.

By alwaysalady | 0

#1634 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:29

When I was pregnant with my son I puked on my boss.

Ketchup_Castle | 30

#3217749 - Thursday 1 September 2011 22:36

Well, that sucks.

By Kat_MS | 0

#1841 - Friday 13 February 2009 11:44

Haha that sucks...I doubt you actually caused her to throw up though :P. She was probably just trying to be funny, or as others have said, cover up her embarrassment.

By Sipos | 0

#4652 - Saturday 21 February 2009 1:35

LOL. I'd do that just to see the look on someone's face if throwing up didn't suck so much.

By iamf___d | 0

#14588 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 18:46

If this is true it is very sad you should post yourself on a site and charge money at least then you can get rich cause even a rich circus freak gets layed

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6365798 - Thursday 30 July 2015 0:57

31- somebody has to say it, what the fuck are you talking about?!?