Miscellaneous: Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up....

By disgusting - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46471

You deserved it

2677

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Bad news

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Jonah begs to differ

By Anonymous - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43497

You deserved it

9126

Favorite

By cantstoplaughing - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43642

You deserved it

3970

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25389

You deserved it

1533

Favorite

By Ethan - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

28070

You deserved it

94889

Favorite

By nobrony - United States - Katonah

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36766

You deserved it

5452

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Elmont

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42847

You deserved it

3350

Favorite

By themildthings - Germany

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17471

You deserved it

23915

Favorite

By PCop - United States

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9560

You deserved it

36367

Favorite

By pmony - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24291

You deserved it

9683

Favorite

By lacucarcha - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24977

You deserved it

2248

Favorite

By mimo - France

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58369

You deserved it

4974

Favorite

By me

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7588

You deserved it

62254

Favorite

By soldnone - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24375

You deserved it

1968

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25425

You deserved it

2515

Favorite

By Oops

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3425

You deserved it

381

Favorite

By Black - Lebanon

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38197

You deserved it

3798

Favorite

By "mynameissecretlyjeff" - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burnt cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4137

You deserved it

351

Favorite

By Anonomous - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38786

You deserved it

3882

Favorite

By Dan

John Tucker would've known what to do.

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1640

You deserved it

2946

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to break up with me. Immediately after we hung up, I started crying hysterically. I thought I dialed my best friend, and as soon as the line picked up, I yelled, "That motherfucker broke up with me!" My now ex-boyfriend replied, "Yeah, I know I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49682

You deserved it

20460

Favorite

By Coolkid. - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51554

You deserved it

3902

Favorite

By ihateumicheal - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39382

You deserved it

4228

Favorite

By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27829

You deserved it

8997

Favorite

By SeatofIgnorance

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1651

You deserved it

4847

Favorite

By cuntsmom - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44439

You deserved it

3436

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30711

You deserved it

5608

Favorite

By RAHrahRAH - Canada

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34327

You deserved it

2371

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42174

You deserved it

3696

Favorite

By Thanks a lot - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28183

You deserved it

1998

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42280

You deserved it

3617

Favorite

By djl - Canada - Beaumont

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43905

You deserved it

15289

Favorite

By Sorry? - United States

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks

11992

You deserved it

734

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32323

You deserved it

2907

Favorite

By Elizabeth Ann

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3164

You deserved it

328

Favorite

By thanks..?

Today, my dentist said I have a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2246

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By traumatized4life - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40276

You deserved it

2868

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33097

You deserved it

2601

Favorite

By kacysospacyy - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34977

You deserved it

4809

Favorite

By fail - United States

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23994

You deserved it

43063

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I dropped the collection basket during Christmas Mass at my Catholic church. Money and checks fell all over the floor and everyone was staring at me. I was too stunned to even pick it up. There were about 1,500 people from our town there and my family won't stop bringing it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8522

You deserved it

1510

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By vfscx0aw6o7jshl | 0

#161 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:20

How many more people are going to have to throw up before you learn to eat your lunch in the bathroom?

By alwaysalady | 0

#1634 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:29

When I was pregnant with my son I puked on my boss.

COMMENTS

By vfscx0aw6o7jshl | 0

#161 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:20

How many more people are going to have to throw up before you learn to eat your lunch in the bathroom?

By Imdead | 0

#162 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 21:21

Wow, Fuck her life.

AfroMike | 0

#1324055 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 0:20

this one seems fake. not sure why, but i dont believe this actually happened.

WOGBRO | 6

#2348204 - Thursday 14 April 2011 13:53

I am warning u to never say that FMLs aren't real I got kicked of for saying that.

Lichinamo | 33

#4197753 - Thursday 22 March 2012 0:08

Fuck HER life? I say fuck the OP's life. The vomiter clearly threw up for no reason and just wanted to blame someone. That someone happened to be the OP.

Raluxa | 21

#5836630 - Thursday 23 January 2014 19:47

What if OP just smelled horrible? That could be a possibility. Go shower, OP.

By boyvu22 | 0

#355 - Friday 6 February 2009 0:56

I'm not sure whether or not to believe this...are you like...how are you so...striking in appearance that you cause someone to vomit?

By lulikr | 0

#1141 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 0:28

maybe she was allergic to something to do with you
like if you recently ate peanutbutter or something

J0K3R13 | 9

#6032155 - Saturday 9 August 2014 18:40

could be body spray you had on or perfune

By flyingdjs | 0

#1186 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 2:21

#9!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

By VivaLaJewFace | 0

#1452 - Thursday 12 February 2009 2:58

never have i ever heard of someone throwing up from the sight of someone... that sucks so hard.

By alwaysalady | 0

#1634 - Thursday 12 February 2009 19:29

When I was pregnant with my son I puked on my boss.

Ketchup_Castle | 30

#3217749 - Thursday 1 September 2011 22:36

Well, that sucks.

By Kat_MS | 0

#1841 - Friday 13 February 2009 11:44

Haha that sucks...I doubt you actually caused her to throw up though :P. She was probably just trying to be funny, or as others have said, cover up her embarrassment.

By Sipos | 0

#4652 - Saturday 21 February 2009 1:35

LOL. I'd do that just to see the look on someone's face if throwing up didn't suck so much.

By iamf___d | 0

#14588 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 18:46

If this is true it is very sad you should post yourself on a site and charge money at least then you can get rich cause even a rich circus freak gets layed

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6365798 - Thursday 30 July 2015 0:57

31- somebody has to say it, what the fuck are you talking about?!?