Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/2/2014 19:21 - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

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Incognito browsing

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

Recycling helps

By Rin - 15/1/2010 08:02 - United States

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 17:39 - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2012 00:55 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 18:16 - France

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

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By IhateThem - 14/5/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2018 03:00

Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting a blowjob. When I confronted him, he panicked and claimed it was me in the video. Then he tried to say it was from before we met, even though in the video he was wearing the watch I bought him for his birthday 3 days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

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By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

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By me - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

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By Anon - 7/5/2011 06:08 - United Kingdom

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

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By needfulthing - 19/11/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a text to a guy I'd met over the weekend. He'd traveled 40 miles to my town for the date, so I picked up the tab for dinner. My text simply said, "Had a nice time. Looking forward to getting together again." His reply was, "When did you get so needy?" FML

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By Fml37 - 20/12/2009 05:13 - Canada

Today, I had to take a taxi to work, because I was pressed for time, and didn't have a ride there. When I got to work, I paid the cab driver, and realized I had spent more money on the cab than I was going to make at work. FML

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By Sassers - 3/12/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML

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By Sarah - 12/6/2012 16:59 - United States - Pipersville

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 16:14 - United States - Clarksburg

Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML

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By keeperstride - 3/9/2009 19:55 - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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By kaitlin - 19/2/2010 06:30 - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

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By MAC - 13/1/2009 09:47 - France

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

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By Bellend - 21/2/2012 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

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By roadkill - 28/2/2011 15:50 - United States

Today, an old lady hit me with her car. After which she says, "Oh! Not Again!" FML

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By staringisrude - 27/8/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

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By Joe - 16/4/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

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By bob the builder - 8/11/2012 14:36 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

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By Darla - 5/10/2012 08:14 - United States - Arcadia

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2019 00:02

Not safe for work

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for their arrival tomorrow morning. FML

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By the lannisters send their retards - 17/6/2014 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2014 00:03 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

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By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

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By throwinguptears - 2/11/2016 14:30 - United States - Marlborough

Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML

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By bmaas - 17/3/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML

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By just a reaction - 17/8/2020 23:09

This ain't working out

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

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By Sarah - 17/8/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

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By highschoolsucks - 5/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

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By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

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By usadisvet - 2/4/2015 06:43 - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

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By joe rogan fucking sucks, dude - 27/4/2014 20:51 - Australia - Warwick

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

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By Wellgreat - 30/11/2018 03:00

Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML

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By lovegotmehung - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

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Top comments

By junkman6 | 22

#5860401 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:52

Father's Day gift, Sesame Streets sing along greatest hits!

By greekk | 21

#5860386 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:46

he got defensive! Don't be to mad at him!

COMMENTS

By greekk | 21

#5860386 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:46

he got defensive! Don't be to mad at him!

Reply

svalaedgren | 18

#5860412 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:59

Yes, he was probably just embarrassed

Reply

IDontKnowWhoIAm04 | 24

#5860433 - Monday 17 February 2014 2:30

So he had to start yelling? People constantly open doors and forget to knock, no need to get so defensive.

Reply

ActionFearo | 39

#5861120 - Monday 17 February 2014 20:50

He's embarrassed his secret's out

By flashback.miss | 28

#5860390 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:47

cute. suggest performing a sesame concert. or maybe try recording him XD

Reply

IconicFML | 9

#5860442 - Monday 17 February 2014 2:43

Instant YouTube hit

Reply

worldclassrager | 39

#5877948 - Friday 7 March 2014 1:42

Maybe bigger than Gangnam style

By MomentoMori | 23

#5860394 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:48

Your dad is just having a good time. You should have joined in on the fun!

Reply

juststephhere | 23

#5860455 - Monday 17 February 2014 3:25

Join in and make it a full out musical!

By larrena2377 | 26

#5860397 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:51

Now you have blackmail if he ever catches you doing something similar

By Never_Land | 10

#5860399 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:51

He just was embarrassed, either let it go or, you could try getting back at him, make a few jabs at his singing maybe >:)

By junkman6 | 22

#5860401 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:52

Father's Day gift, Sesame Streets sing along greatest hits!

By SaucyGirl106 | 18

#5860406 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:56

at least he wasn't mouthing the lines to Twillight.

Reply

MomentoMori | 23

#5861153 - Monday 17 February 2014 21:32

Mouthing along to JUSTIN BEIBER is better than Twilight. And he's god awful.

By worldclassrager | 39

#5860407 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:56

What's next the wiggles?

By sunnyray812 | 42

#5860408 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:57

How dare you barge in the main part of the house!

By keirissleepy | 10

#5860409 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:57

Did he at least tell you the number of the day?