Miscellaneous: Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

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Great parenting

Chainsaw massacre

Gross

By Really? - Australia - Homebush

Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML

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By Lana - Austria

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

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By lol - 23/7/2021 05:59

Adding insult to injury

Today, my boss fired me. Then later on Facebook, his public status was, "Finally fired the sumo wrestler!" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

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By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I met my boyfriend's very strict and traditional Korean parents. I had to listen to them while they called me a skank and how I was fat and ugly compared to nice, pretty, Korean girls. They don't know I speak Korean. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Prince Albert

Today, I bought an automatic air refresher. I put the can and batteries in, and it promptly sprayed a blast of its scent down my throat. Now I can't breathe without tasting it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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By mother teresa was a cunt - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

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By K_M - Malaysia

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

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By that guy - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

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By historyfreak_17 - United States - Dearborn Heights

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

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By sam - United States

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

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By MumMatters - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

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By Alex - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

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By Dee Dee

In these times

Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

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By sadspinster

Single life

Today, I found out that both my younger sisters are bringing their boyfriends home for Christmas. The youngest is 25, and he's actually her fiancé. The other is 30, and she and her boyfriend have been living together for over a year. I'll be the 36-year-old spinster in the twin bed upstairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2021 02:01

Catwalk

Today, I was trying to walk in heels. My mom then started cracking up, saying I looked like a baby giraffe learning to walk just after coming out of the womb. FML

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By Username

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

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By helluvasinger - South Africa

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

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By mylifesucks - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

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By mustanggt - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 17:01 - Netherlands

Night terrors

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

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By Anonymous

Check your head

Today, I had a real coffee again after being sick for two weeks. It didn't taste so good, though. Just like the one I had yesterday. Well, I thought, maybe my taste has changed? Maybe I just need to get used to it again? No, it was just that the milk had gone bad three days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 02:03 - United States - Cleveland

Inspirational tale

Today, my parents got a call from my principal. I'd been lying that I couldn’t see the work I had to do in my online class, because I was behind and I needed to catch up. Tomorrow my parents are getting a call, telling them the dates I've been logged into the online learning. I haven’t logged in in weeks. FML

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By fattymcbutterpants - United States

Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML

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By sociallyawkward - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML

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By see lie

Silver linings

Today, we recently found out I'm infertile, and I thought we were both devastated, until my partner posted a drunk video to Facebook, basically celebrating that we will never have, "crying, nappy-shitting, soul-sucking, bank account-draining little sods." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Experimentation

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

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By Gassy and sassy - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

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By meatballz - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

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By natural selection i guess

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

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By Ow - United Kingdom - Swanscombe

Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML

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Top comments

By junkman6 | 22

#5860401 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:52

Father's Day gift, Sesame Streets sing along greatest hits!

By greekk | 21

#5860386 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:46

he got defensive! Don't be to mad at him!

COMMENTS

By greekk | 21

#5860386 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:46

he got defensive! Don't be to mad at him!

Reply

svalaedgren | 18

#5860412 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:59

Yes, he was probably just embarrassed

Reply

IDontKnowWhoIAm04 | 24

#5860433 - Monday 17 February 2014 2:30

So he had to start yelling? People constantly open doors and forget to knock, no need to get so defensive.

Reply

ActionFearo | 39

#5861120 - Monday 17 February 2014 20:50

He's embarrassed his secret's out

By flashback.miss | 28

#5860390 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:47

cute. suggest performing a sesame concert. or maybe try recording him XD

Reply

IconicFML | 9

#5860442 - Monday 17 February 2014 2:43

Instant YouTube hit

Reply

worldclassrager | 39

#5877948 - Friday 7 March 2014 1:42

Maybe bigger than Gangnam style

By MomentoMori | 23

#5860394 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:48

Your dad is just having a good time. You should have joined in on the fun!

Reply

juststephhere | 23

#5860455 - Monday 17 February 2014 3:25

Join in and make it a full out musical!

By larrena2377 | 26

#5860397 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:51

Now you have blackmail if he ever catches you doing something similar

By Never_Land | 10

#5860399 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:51

He just was embarrassed, either let it go or, you could try getting back at him, make a few jabs at his singing maybe >:)

By junkman6 | 22

#5860401 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:52

Father's Day gift, Sesame Streets sing along greatest hits!

By SaucyGirl106 | 18

#5860406 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:56

at least he wasn't mouthing the lines to Twillight.

Reply

MomentoMori | 23

#5861153 - Monday 17 February 2014 21:32

Mouthing along to JUSTIN BEIBER is better than Twilight. And he's god awful.

By worldclassrager | 39

#5860407 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:56

What's next the wiggles?

By sunnyray812 | 42

#5860408 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:57

How dare you barge in the main part of the house!

By keirissleepy | 10

#5860409 - Monday 17 February 2014 1:57

Did he at least tell you the number of the day?