Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit.... - FML

By bunny - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

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Taking stock

Clean up in aisle 3 please

Unreasonable

By fail - Australia

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

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By Shelbitchh - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

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By muffdriver - United States

Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML

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By seekerglow176 - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

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By disciplinaryaction - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

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By misspukesalot - 14/7/2020 14:02

Two-way street

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

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By Sophie - United Kingdom

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

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By logic - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

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By Gioia - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

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By biotch - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

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By

Today, my teacher told me that unless I went into medicine, math, or engineering, I would never amount to anything in life. This wasn't even two minutes after I told him I want to be an author. FML

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By StillHurt - United States

Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML

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By FrozenAnonymus - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

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By Tanuki_paws - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

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By kanepie

Today, we were driving home from NYC to Knoxville after our flight got cancelled, and we had to drive with 3 strangers for 13 hours. We are now stuck in Who-Knows-Where, Virginia, with two blown tires, because a metal plate fell off an 18-wheeler in front of us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2020 02:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Ripped off

Today, I rented a house for 5 years with my girlfriend, only to find out she is the actual owner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

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By shylahrc - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

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By

Bachelor party

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

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By NowHomeless - United States

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

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By RIP_Nose - Germany - Aidenbach

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

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By crap

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

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By conley19 - United States

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

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By faulty plumbimg! - India

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

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By da man - Canada

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

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By helen_ - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

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Top comments

By reapfml | 0

#491365 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

What did the rabbit look like?

By junaho | 0

#491399 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

I hope you didn't let him stuff your rabbit

COMMENTS

By reapfml | 0

#491365 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

What did the rabbit look like?

Reply

cherrypieguy | 0

#491479 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:32

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

Reply

smilertylerfudge | 0

#491528 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:52

it was a playboy rabbit!! duhhh

Reply

spidergirl41 | 0

#491729 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:43

I'm sorry, but your comment is completely EPIC...super EPIX...Ultra-megalithic super duper EPIX...I don't think my tummy will stop hurting for a while. xD

Reply

callargh | 0

#492103 - Monday 17 August 2009 1:29

I wanted you to know that I read "screw the rabbit" and am now singing it to the tune of Ride of the Valkyries ("kill the wabbit") from Looney Tunes. And now you are too.

Reply

BrownEyedNinja | 0

#492234 - Monday 17 August 2009 2:20

Your my hero

Reply

Gooster | 0

#492650 - Monday 17 August 2009 5:03

Oh come on... he was obviously imagining you in place of the rabbit. You walked in, and he tried to play it off as humor, embarrassed.

Reply

iljajlm | 4

#492874 - Monday 17 August 2009 6:36

I am truly ashamed of my gender and home state now...

Reply

mcullen_unc | 0

#494081 - Monday 17 August 2009 19:43

WIN!

Reply

777_alex_777 | 0

#494408 - Monday 17 August 2009 22:15

ahahaha XD
that comment just made my day!
thank u! that was just awesome =P

Reply

itsmeppl | 0

#2553158 - Monday 23 May 2011 14:49

poor bunny

Reply

doonerz | 0

#3677852 - Saturday 3 December 2011 19:44

still not gayer than twilight.

Reply

ninjapiratejesus_fml | 20

#4648110 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 6:48

Maybe it was Jessica Rabbit. I could understand that.

Reply

kryxen | 14

#5468194 - Sunday 28 April 2013 2:39

He's likely a furry.

By Ligerie | 0

#491367 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

Eww thats pretty weird.

Reply

0___0 | 9

#491476 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:31

Wow, this same thing happened to me! Except it was my dog humping the stuffed animal, not my boyfriend.

Reply

Ligerie | 0

#491551 - Sunday 16 August 2009 21:01

Thats not weird, that happens all the time. dog=/=boyfriend.

Reply

Hadley_fml | 0

#493119 - Monday 17 August 2009 9:01

Sometimes the dog IS the boyfriend, though!

By iilovehaters | 0

#491371 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:08

ydi for not fucking him!

Reply

mattmag | 0

#492553 - Monday 17 August 2009 4:25

I have to agree here. Perhaps if you fucked him more often, he wouldn't be horny enough to have sex with stuffed rabbits.

Reply

zabeth_fml | 0

#493656 - Monday 17 August 2009 15:51

How would you know how much sex they're having? They might be having plenty and he's still just weird enough to hump a rabbit.

By DevineLegacy | 0

#491383 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:10

ew wow your boyfriend is attracted to interesting things....

By jivealive_5 | 0

#491395 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

That's sorta disturbing on many levels. But hey... Whatever tickles his fancy!

Reply

lab2lb | 0

#491412 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:15

#5 i think you mean whatever tickles his pickle. ahhhahha

Reply

cucumberfabulous | 7

#491731 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:45

Ahhhaaahhaahhaaha oh my......

Reply

miniluda12 | 12

#2617147 - Saturday 4 June 2011 8:07

who says "tickles his fancy"???

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#491398 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

are you fo real lol

Reply

andrewcollins | 8

#4819030 - Thursday 16 August 2012 3:39

Nah she's joking

By junaho | 0

#491399 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

I hope you didn't let him stuff your rabbit

Reply

himynameisanna | 0

#491513 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:46

hahahahahaha :)

By philly8608 | 0

#491400 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

FML has turned into Hollywood. One FML on a subject and then magically there's at least one with the same general topic posted before the day is up.

Was he also watching a Miley Cyrus video?

By amsedel | 1

#491406 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:13

o_O

By jonny2x4 | 0

#491411 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:14

Oh no you didn't just say that #7!