Intimacy: Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit.... - FML

By bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 173

You deserved it 4 980

Hiding from the drama

Own it

Walk on the wild side

So selfish

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 14:00

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 103

By the poor man - 05/09/2015 17:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 115

You deserved it 10 153

Thanks, I guess…

By Gabrielguitar - 25/04/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 820

You deserved it 5 295

By what the fuck - 07/06/2013 21:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 063

You deserved it 9 920

Long list

By Unfortunate - 02/06/2021 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after two years of dating. So far this year, I sprained my wrist, my dog died, my best friend of 6 years ended our friendship, I was diagnosed with PMDD, my cat died, I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I got turned down for every job I applied for. Only 7 more months to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 98

By names suck and so do I - 08/08/2013 12:54 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 107

You deserved it 10 114

By Odnel - 27/07/2013 04:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 029

You deserved it 3 814

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 03:44 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 881

You deserved it 3 381

By Debra - 14/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 898

You deserved it 973

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 644

You deserved it 5 446

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 17:19 - United States - Washington

Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 719

You deserved it 1 839

By still learning - 26/02/2012 17:42 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 958

You deserved it 7 914

By maxiflouf - 28/12/2008 09:50 - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 752

You deserved it 2 912

By dirk855 - 18/01/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 381

You deserved it 2 319

By breakfast tea - 07/04/2012 19:30 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 696

You deserved it 28 499

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 928

You deserved it 49 949

By Jade - 25/04/2011 13:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 265

You deserved it 9 643

By Twilightsux - 31/01/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend had replaced our picture in her locket for a picture of Taylor Lautner shirtless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 6 112

By Dafawk - 19/06/2016 20:54

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 232

You deserved it 6 446

By MyPoorEyes - 19/03/2015 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 734

You deserved it 3 746

By ggbhghggg - 18/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 42 481

By iliku - 01/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 192

By lifesabitch2016 - 24/05/2014 06:23 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 443

You deserved it 5 496

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 832

By dxl - 18/02/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you ok? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 223

You deserved it 5 513

By FFFFF- - 02/03/2011 17:12 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 994

You deserved it 5 175

Bad women's anatomy

By Anonymous - 07/07/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I'm suicidal. They're stretch marks. He won't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 286

You deserved it 3 584

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 673

You deserved it 6 313

By need sleep - 25/02/2015 16:53 - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 266

You deserved it 2 326

By jacko - 15/08/2010 09:47 - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 553

You deserved it 40 474

By ROLLY - 03/03/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 478

You deserved it 3 904

By Well then - 01/03/2019 20:00

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started uni is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 924

You deserved it 354

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boss sent me to remove a tree from a client's home. So I went and cut down the tree, only for my boss to show up an hour later, speechless. I was supposed to remove a sapling that had sprouted through the driveway tarmac, not the 100-year-old prizewinning Japanese cherry tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 3 295

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 093

You deserved it 31 014

Barf

By epicfailureismyl - 05/04/2018 15:00

Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 498

You deserved it 896

By needtoscratch - 05/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 861

You deserved it 1 763

By Stung - 03/08/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that bees like to make hives in odd places, like in your vintage car's trunk. I also found out that they don't like it when you break their hive in half when you open the trunk to get out a spare tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 049

You deserved it 4 244

By shadokis - 12/09/2012 18:31 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 906

You deserved it 2 535

By veggieluver - 16/01/2013 00:58 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 3 234

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

What did the rabbit look like?

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

I hope you didn't let him stuff your rabbit

Comments

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

What did the rabbit look like?

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:32

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

smilertylerfudge 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:52

it was a playboy rabbit!! duhhh

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Sunday 16 August 2009 22:43

I'm sorry, but your comment is completely EPIC...super EPIX...Ultra-megalithic super duper EPIX...I don't think my tummy will stop hurting for a while. xD

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Monday 17 August 2009 1:29

I wanted you to know that I read "screw the rabbit" and am now singing it to the tune of Ride of the Valkyries ("kill the wabbit") from Looney Tunes. And now you are too.

BrownEyedNinja 0

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Monday 17 August 2009 2:20

Your my hero

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Monday 17 August 2009 5:03

Oh come on... he was obviously imagining you in place of the rabbit. You walked in, and he tried to play it off as humor, embarrassed.

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Monday 17 August 2009 6:36

I am truly ashamed of my gender and home state now...

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Monday 17 August 2009 19:43

WIN!

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Monday 17 August 2009 22:15

ahahaha XD that comment just made my day! thank u! that was just awesome =P

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Monday 23 May 2011 14:49

poor bunny

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Saturday 3 December 2011 19:44

still not gayer than twilight.

ninjapiratejesus_fml 20

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Wednesday 4 July 2012 6:48

Maybe it was Jessica Rabbit. I could understand that.

kryxen 14

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Sunday 28 April 2013 2:39

He's likely a furry.

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

Eww thats pretty weird.

0___0 9

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:31

Wow, this same thing happened to me! Except it was my dog humping the stuffed animal, not my boyfriend.

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Sunday 16 August 2009 21:01

Thats not weird, that happens all the time. dog=/=boyfriend.

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Monday 17 August 2009 9:01

Sometimes the dog IS the boyfriend, though!

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:08

ydi for not fucking him!

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Monday 17 August 2009 4:25

I have to agree here. Perhaps if you fucked him more often, he wouldn't be horny enough to have sex with stuffed rabbits.

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Monday 17 August 2009 15:51

How would you know how much sex they're having? They might be having plenty and he's still just weird enough to hump a rabbit.

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:10

ew wow your boyfriend is attracted to interesting things....

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

That's sorta disturbing on many levels. But hey... Whatever tickles his fancy!

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:15

#5 i think you mean whatever tickles his pickle. ahhhahha

cucumberfabulous 7

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Sunday 16 August 2009 22:45

Ahhhaaahhaahhaaha oh my......

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Saturday 4 June 2011 8:07

who says "tickles his fancy"???

alexgisforme3 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

are you fo real lol

andrewcollins 8

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Thursday 16 August 2012 3:39

Nah she's joking

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

I hope you didn't let him stuff your rabbit

himynameisanna 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:46

hahahahahaha :)

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

FML has turned into Hollywood. One FML on a subject and then magically there's at least one with the same general topic posted before the day is up. Was he also watching a Miley Cyrus video?

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:13

o_O

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:14

Oh no you didn't just say that #7!

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 16

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 101