Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit.... - FML

By bunny - 16/8/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

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No one likes a smart-ass

Long story short

Headache

By levit - 8/6/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

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By Nola - 13/9/2018 22:00

Today, my fiancé got his associate degree in the mail. Wanting to surprise him when he got home, I opened it to display it before going out to buy groceries. His dog got a hold of his degree and shredded it to pieces. FML

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By waxer150 - 22/3/2015 22:32 - United States - Ashtabula

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

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By itsgonnabealongnight... - 3/9/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 08:47 - Canada

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

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By anonymous - 15/6/2016 06:18 - United States - Crossville

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 05:00

Today I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

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By fd_uplife - 5/7/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

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By Kat - 22/6/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

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By stpry of my life - 27/2/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 10:44 - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2018 13:30

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

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By Ihaveaheadache - 9/2/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

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By Terry - 5/12/2018 17:30

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge she ruined the ending of assassins creed which she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

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By Blood on my hands - 7/8/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

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By UUUGHHH - 5/2/2016 20:33 - France - Villejuif

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

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By whatproject - 24/9/2009 09:50 - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

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By Katrina641 - 26/2/2010 04:20 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

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By anon - 27/7/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

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By ohtheirony - 19/8/2018 18:30

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

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By psb1990 - 1/9/2018 01:30

Duh.

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

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By fish killer - 8/2/2013 03:58 - Canada

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

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By Steve - 16/8/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

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By fckmylife - 20/12/2016 19:47

Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML

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By Familyskank - 6/5/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 02:00

It's a marathon, not a sprint

Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML

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By caisse à outs - 23/9/2015 01:06 - France - Saint Quentin

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 21:57 - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was taken to the principal's office and bitched out about the dangerous weapon I brought to school. The "weapon" was a pocket fan. FML

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By gretel - 16/9/2010 13:17 - Australia

Today, I'd finally reached my goal weight. I went into the office where my husband was, to show him the new size 8 jeans I'd bought. He responded with "I wouldn't buy any more clothes, you'll be putting the weight back on again soon." FML

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By Vic - 11/7/2011 09:00 - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

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By Sarah - 19/10/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

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By isoheartcaitlin - 25/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2010 13:24 - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 04:05 - Canada

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

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By squeak - 12/9/2011 13:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

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By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States

Barf

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

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Top comments

By reapfml | 0

#491365 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

What did the rabbit look like?

By junaho | 0

#491399 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

I hope you didn't let him stuff your rabbit

Comments

By reapfml | 0

#491365 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

What did the rabbit look like?

Reply

cherrypieguy | 0

#491479 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:32

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

Reply

smilertylerfudge | 0

#491528 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:52

it was a playboy rabbit!! duhhh

Reply

spidergirl41 | 0

#491729 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:43

I'm sorry, but your comment is completely EPIC...super EPIX...Ultra-megalithic super duper EPIX...I don't think my tummy will stop hurting for a while. xD

Reply

callargh | 0

#492103 - Monday 17 August 2009 1:29

I wanted you to know that I read "screw the rabbit" and am now singing it to the tune of Ride of the Valkyries ("kill the wabbit") from Looney Tunes. And now you are too.

Reply

BrownEyedNinja | 0

#492234 - Monday 17 August 2009 2:20

Your my hero

Reply

Gooster | 0

#492650 - Monday 17 August 2009 5:03

Oh come on... he was obviously imagining you in place of the rabbit. You walked in, and he tried to play it off as humor, embarrassed.

Reply

iljajlm | 4

#492874 - Monday 17 August 2009 6:36

I am truly ashamed of my gender and home state now...

Reply

mcullen_unc | 0

#494081 - Monday 17 August 2009 19:43

WIN!

Reply

777_alex_777 | 0

#494408 - Monday 17 August 2009 22:15

ahahaha XD
that comment just made my day!
thank u! that was just awesome =P

Reply

itsmeppl | 0

#2553158 - Monday 23 May 2011 14:49

poor bunny

Reply

doonerz | 0

#3677852 - Saturday 3 December 2011 19:44

still not gayer than twilight.

Reply

ninjapiratejesus_fml | 20

#4648110 - Wednesday 4 July 2012 6:48

Maybe it was Jessica Rabbit. I could understand that.

Reply

kryxen | 14

#5468194 - Sunday 28 April 2013 2:39

He's likely a furry.

By Ligerie | 0

#491367 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:07

Eww thats pretty weird.

Reply

0___0 | 9

#491476 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:31

Wow, this same thing happened to me! Except it was my dog humping the stuffed animal, not my boyfriend.

Reply

Ligerie | 0

#491551 - Sunday 16 August 2009 21:01

Thats not weird, that happens all the time. dog=/=boyfriend.

Reply

Hadley_fml | 0

#493119 - Monday 17 August 2009 9:01

Sometimes the dog IS the boyfriend, though!

By iilovehaters | 0

#491371 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:08

ydi for not fucking him!

Reply

mattmag | 0

#492553 - Monday 17 August 2009 4:25

I have to agree here. Perhaps if you fucked him more often, he wouldn't be horny enough to have sex with stuffed rabbits.

Reply

zabeth_fml | 0

#493656 - Monday 17 August 2009 15:51

How would you know how much sex they're having? They might be having plenty and he's still just weird enough to hump a rabbit.

By DevineLegacy | 0

#491383 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:10

ew wow your boyfriend is attracted to interesting things....

By jivealive_5 | 0

#491395 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

That's sorta disturbing on many levels. But hey... Whatever tickles his fancy!

Reply

lab2lb | 0

#491412 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:15

#5 i think you mean whatever tickles his pickle. ahhhahha

Reply

cucumberfabulous | 7

#491731 - Sunday 16 August 2009 22:45

Ahhhaaahhaahhaaha oh my......

Reply

miniluda12 | 12

#2617147 - Saturday 4 June 2011 8:07

who says "tickles his fancy"???

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#491398 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

are you fo real lol

Reply

andrewcollins | 8

#4819030 - Thursday 16 August 2012 3:39

Nah she's joking

By junaho | 0

#491399 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

I hope you didn't let him stuff your rabbit

Reply

himynameisanna | 0

#491513 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:46

hahahahahaha :)

By philly8608 | 0

#491400 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:12

FML has turned into Hollywood. One FML on a subject and then magically there's at least one with the same general topic posted before the day is up.

Was he also watching a Miley Cyrus video?

By amsedel | 1

#491406 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:13

o_O

By jonny2x4 | 0

#491411 - Sunday 16 August 2009 20:14

Oh no you didn't just say that #7!