Transportation: Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill...

By bananaman - 11/04/2011 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 457

You deserved it 3 233

Transportation

Broken heart

Sorry…

Kids these days…

By suspended - 31/07/2016 15:39 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 951

You deserved it 2 057

By Susan - 28/02/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 897

You deserved it 6 809

By EosHelios - 27/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 371

You deserved it 259

By anonymous - 08/09/2015 12:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 390

You deserved it 2 023

By ohgodwhyyoufreaks - 01/04/2013 11:57 - United States - Moorhead

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 632

You deserved it 6 715

By ArtistBlock - 17/08/2016 07:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 118

You deserved it 1 359

Never flip flop and drive

By Alyce - 09/10/2020 08:10 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was supposed to deliver my S/O's keys to the garage, where he got his car fixed after a minor accident. I pulled out of my alley, only to have my flip flop catch on my accelerator, causing me to hit another car passing by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 1 422

By frenchfrypotater - 24/09/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 4 247

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 120

You deserved it 4 752

By Dhagiik - 24/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Oak Park

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 033

You deserved it 1 089

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 007

You deserved it 38 703

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 072

You deserved it 5 151

By TDCC - 17/04/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 224

You deserved it 9 975

Not a good look

By dumb dumb dumb - 20/10/2020 11:04 - United States

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 165

Unsociable media

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 00:01

Today, I'm a social media manager, and a client complained about having to put forward her personality to gain followers, also refusing to promote her works personally on camera. She's an actress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 73

By lunchbox2353 - 30/07/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 357

By dedeanne08 - 12/12/2016 01:18 - United States - Newark

Today, I received some new snow boots I had ordered online. When I opened the package there was only one boot in the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 561

You deserved it 580

By rmonk - 24/02/2016 13:13 - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 674

You deserved it 22 824

He did not care

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 155

You deserved it 361

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 22:00

Today, a bratty kid at Walmart called my mom a "fat bitch" when she wasn't walking fast enough for him. Enraged, I gave him the meanest death glare I could muster and I tore him a new one, right in front of his mother, who then defended her kid, saying that my mom and I should both lose a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 209

Gone but not forgotten

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 18:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I received an email saying, "Thinking of you and hoping you are taking care." It was from the love of my life. We broke up 20 years ago. Previously, we had contact every 5+ years. It's just too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 115

Keep in touch

By Anonymous - 01/11/2019 22:00

Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 307

By Anon - 04/12/2015 07:14 - United States - Modesto

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 021

You deserved it 1 685

By Abandoned - 09/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 717

You deserved it 13 456

By WaffleJesus - 07/10/2015 08:29 - United States

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 217

You deserved it 2 544

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 660

You deserved it 7 423

By jonnyc - 17/06/2009 13:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 453

You deserved it 59 085

I'm not lovin' it

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 14:02

Today, at my new job at McDonald’s, they only had uniform pants in a size 36 or 56, nothing in between. I’m a size 40 so I squeezed into the 36. When I told my supervisor I couldn’t tuck my shirt into the pants like they asked, because I couldn’t close the top button, she told me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 25/07/2016 21:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 043

You deserved it 1 707

By thatisfuckedup - 13/06/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 357

You deserved it 3 865

By B-ran - 05/01/2010 00:29 - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 747

You deserved it 21 565

Rollin'

By Anonymous - 01/09/2016 03:40 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 878

You deserved it 4 670

Friends

By sandyc - 23/05/2021 22:01

Today, I just got my first period. My mother has been dead for years and my stepmother genuinely wishes I was dead, so who am I supposed to tell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 44

By Itsbeen8years - 05/04/2015 19:18 - Slovakia - Stupava

Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 894

You deserved it 3 852

By moron - 28/05/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 715

By BreechInEducation - 27/11/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 918

By Anonymous - 29/05/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 719

You deserved it 8 591

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 140

Family jewels

By DanJames24 - 05/06/2020 14:00

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 152

By Person in Alaska with a Ferret - 04/03/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 877

You deserved it 4 679

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Top comments

biass 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

They need to get their stuff on track. Tee hee

tans_fml 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

sounds only mildly torturous...

DavLynn 4

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:29

kick the window out :)

chester75 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:36

beat up the conductor as well

Finn_the_human 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:39

I rod the knuckle? But I'm in my element!

Mandy0325 1

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:49

just make a run for it:)

solidus106 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:53

dude I live in antarctica

chester75 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:01

thanks for the piece of useless info 30, last time I checked NBGAF

eyez_lay_low1921 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:04

maybe if u yell out fire everyone will panic and your free!?

L3Paparazzo 7

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:04

make a run for it

ImmortalKratos 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:28

and if that doesn't work. start an actual fire then they'll have to let you off!

gutzz 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:28

It's not unsafe I you make sure you get out before you get off, they are wrong.

MissBunny25 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:41

grab some acid and slosh it on the window, it'll burn through it, then make your way to the conductors quarters and slosh some on him as well. then, laugh as he cries with utter pain. heeheheheheheehe >:D

insanesna1l 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:48

you're an evil genius Bunny! Call the police and tell them you are being held against your will. If that doesn't work tell them you are being held against a blank sheet of paper

Jrefinne 7

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:49

MissBunny, you kind of look like Hilary Duff, and that makes your comments even creepier.

nerdytacos 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:25

haha I loveeee that show(:

nerdytacos 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:25

haha I loveeee that show(:

OmgitsAntonio 4

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:00

agreed!

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:18

MissBunny, I love you man.

vasses935 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:21

dont worry 30, i care X3

iloveyouu_24 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:22

Ohh MissBunny you just made my dayy. :)

Weetart 8

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:27

that's a damn shame.

yuggi1 11

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:28

But missbunny, the doors only open with a secret special code! Methinks you need to perform a resurrection! :X

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:43

97 continuing MissBunny's plan all you need to dø is throw some acid on the door to melt the lock

DavLynn 4

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:52

you guys got the idea ;)

Finn_the_human 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 5:04

Jam-clam I need to slow down. What I ment to say was* "I rode the knuckle train? But I'm in my element! "

fluffy_nuggets 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 6:14

make the sweet escape and swan dive out the window lol

staceysgenesis16 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 7:44

Haha , XD thats gotta suck ass .. i like the acid idea tho .. it sounds like a peefectly simple solution. lolol

MrGold 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 8:12

There is a flaw in your comment bunny, acid doesn't burn through glass. Fail

MissBunny25 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 8:17

140, oh my, did I forget to put "*sarcasm*" at the bottom of my comment? do you honestly think I'm serious about any of that? even if I was, do you really think I'd care? so many questions for someone with such a small brain. stop being a thundercunt killjoy. go shave your pubic and sprinkle it on your mother's cereal. oh, yeah, stop trolling. *slings whip* yep, that's the way i roll. Love, MissBunny25

MrGold 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 8:30

You seemed pretty serious to me. Did you forget you are a stupid blonde? Go eat some of your mothers cunt nuggets stupid prostitute.

jess6blondie9 2

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 8:32

Good comeback 144. Stfu and leave. Missbunny will win.

LifeSucksbtw 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 9:19

O.O w..t....FUCK

Eagles77 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 12:44

maybe you guys should slurping on bunny

dre_bro11 12

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 17:31

57, really, I'd say more like Ke$ha.

tans_fml 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

sounds only mildly torturous...

esu 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:34

that really sucks op

jess2gd4u 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 5:50

man that souks big time!

bedburgular 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 7:11

yah you should go fuck yourself

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 15:52

yell terrorist and take it from there.....

biass 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

They need to get their stuff on track. Tee hee

DavLynn 4

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:34

no.

gutzz 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:31

psh, more like op got railed....

DrewSmooth 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:43

amazing.

penguinonastairc 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:28

amazing.

giantsfan2010 23

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:38

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!!!!!

Tcaret300 12

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:57

OMG

lerouxmaster 7

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:59

amazing.

snade 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:09

C-C-C-C-C COMMENT FAILURE

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:20

this conversion here is pointless and confusing

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:20

this conversion here is pointless and confusing

heathersmorin 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:20

Who's going to yell at me for breaking up this little pattern? :-)

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:23

WTF is up with this conversation it repeats everything

iloveyouu_24 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:23

WHAT TAA FACKK

patric14 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:46

yupyup u r life is fk up !!' I'm bored!!!!!!

avatar0810 15

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 5:28

tee hee? really dude, really?

paras0mnia 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 6:48

Wow, deja-vu, what the hell just happened? mind blown :P

cuddleme 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 7:10

P-P-P-PO-TA-TOE

irokyoursox 6

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 7:47

ur mom goes to college

10thPrestige 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 8:17

C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

BloodyHeel 8

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 10:36

That is just awful.

abceasyas123abc 12

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 16:35

Come on, it wasn't that bad! I smiled to myself as I read it (as I'm sure others did, too).

HappyCynic 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 6:21

That is just awful?

182crazyking 9

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 8:22

COMBO BREAKER!!!!!

biass 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

They need to get their stuff on track. Tee hee

biass 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

They need to get their stuff on track. Tee hee

biass 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:30

They need to get their stuff on track. Tee hee

fmlikecrazy 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:31

I guess you could file a complaint or get yourself a car.

taticalnNinja 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:31

haha FYL, or just pull open the doors, it works

benjimm1 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:29

#6 put ur shirt on and shave ur head, u look 2 much like me haha.

DavLynn 4

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:48

haha sureee 67

jess6blondie9 2

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 9:08

How about you put your shirt on and shave your head for looking too much like him sir?

awardZu 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:32

Signal problems is code for Chuck Norris is waiting to kick your ass as soon as you step off the train!

askmeboutmyweine 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 9:05

chuck Norris should roundhouse kick you for such a horrible joke.

denaysanders 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 1:36

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 5

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 80

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 221

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