Miscellaneous: Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some...

By Dr_JF - France

Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your PC, go for a walk". I finally muster the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've been in an internet cafe for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23395

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Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

And today, on Dr Phil…

Empathy lives

By smellynelly - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24807

You deserved it

11333

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By Wowseriously - United States

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1383

You deserved it

157

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By uofpalum - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73261

You deserved it

10727

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By rhcpgurl - United States - San Jose

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26752

You deserved it

2645

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By Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25656

You deserved it

2875

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By MarkQ95 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30792

You deserved it

59569

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43731

You deserved it

4836

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By sweatstreaks - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25035

You deserved it

11469

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By drummahboi99 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while placing her order. I work as a Drive-Thru cashier at McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36430

You deserved it

5196

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By Randy Savage - United States

Check before crossing

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude, how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guy's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17862

You deserved it

70997

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By _aPerson_ - Canada - Airdrie

BIKES!

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8817

You deserved it

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By giantsfan2010 - United States

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18480

You deserved it

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By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33790

You deserved it

6438

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 07:58

Mystery woman

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

764

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By Catherine - 13/5/2021 11:01

Nice guy

Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1254

You deserved it

306

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By unwantedlove - France

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41021

You deserved it

6883

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By anonymous - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39091

You deserved it

4711

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32868

You deserved it

4361

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By Vombride - 16/3/2021 08:00

Not now!

Today, at noon, I'm marrying the love of my life. It's 4 a.m. and I can't stop vomiting and shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1086

You deserved it

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By theflasher - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27467

You deserved it

3410

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27825

You deserved it

2005

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44755

You deserved it

21312

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41203

You deserved it

179474

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By fatty - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38296

You deserved it

15785

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By Dipping Tired - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18695

You deserved it

7114

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By willywonks - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

164771

You deserved it

8269

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By WishesWasDeaf - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35729

You deserved it

3351

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23288

You deserved it

5989

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By brooke - United States - Kissimmee

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12163

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39239

You deserved it

3679

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By shiney100893 - Ireland - Dublin

Going well

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52343

You deserved it

6201

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By Connie - United States

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28376

You deserved it

9282

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By Spongebob Garypants - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11174

You deserved it

2052

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By Anonymous

Love is strange

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2016

You deserved it

129

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By Boltz719 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36488

You deserved it

3850

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4193

You deserved it

541

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

227

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By Gemma - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8139

You deserved it

60556

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By ThatHurts - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18272

You deserved it

34446

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By Mikabe - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35301

You deserved it

12902

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Top comments

By cndrow | 0

#924 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:36

You wanted to go outside and try this "sun" thing... I dunno dude, that sh*t makes me sneeze and burns my skin.
I'd much rather stay inside with the soft glow emanating from WoW's login screen with my boyfriend as we relax together. =3

By Wowaddict_fml | 0

#29570 - Friday 13 March 2009 9:51

lol havent been out there in a while...
WoW's outside scenery is much better imo

COMMENTS

By cndrow | 0

#924 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:36

Violet_X | 3

#341902 - Friday 26 June 2009 9:57

High five man, same here. lol

IronLionZion_fml | 0

#845275 - Thursday 11 February 2010 18:30

The Lich King has no need for sun!! Niethet do the rest of us..

gotdapowa | 0

#1538078 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 16:15

wow>having a life lol

yohooooooo | 5

#2536055 - Friday 20 May 2011 0:50

15 Lich King may not not but Deathwing does!

Naaboo | 0

#2599115 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 10:12

Wow same as me and my boyfriend XD

denktron420_fml | 0

#2798627 - Friday 1 July 2011 16:44

op and #1 are both losers.

ii_tayman | 0

#3583434 - Monday 14 November 2011 7:10

#32. You are one of those people aren't you... You know the ones that take things way to seriously

By arienh4 | 0

#9508 - Saturday 28 February 2009 23:15

Ah, the life of a geek.

GiddyXD | 0

#976039 - Thursday 8 April 2010 0:26

I no it's horrible D: ( Im addicted too D;)

By Wowaddict_fml | 0

#29570 - Friday 13 March 2009 9:51

lol havent been out there in a while...
WoW's outside scenery is much better imo

By schlifeyhyphy | 0

#111818 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 1:31

wow.. you better be from Antarctica

By NoNameAtAll_fml | 1

#254401 - Tuesday 2 June 2009 15:41

You must have no life or friends if you are afraod of going outside

ThatSucksAlotYDI | 0

#1923040 - Monday 3 January 2011 10:29

You must be dumb if you cant spell 'afraid'.

Jonah171 | 12

#2121709 - Friday 25 February 2011 7:14

It's called a typo, asshole.

By the way, it's 'can't,' not 'cant'. And you're a hypocrite.

warsun | 27

#5859761 - Sunday 16 February 2014 8:21

Well you can make friends if you play online role playing games. I mean half my friends I met on final fantasy 14 arr

By Nickyxy | 0

#272976 - Saturday 6 June 2009 2:46

U have a serious problem!

By lonleygirl1928 | 0

#290496 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 22:06

wow ur so like me im addicted and my mom thinks so too i think all computer addicts should start a club

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#2277999 - Friday 1 April 2011 20:09

there already is a club it's WoW

brenton490 | 19

#6599713 - Saturday 7 May 2016 23:12

Join the online sensation.

By Alfredo_fml | 0

#449531 - Sunday 2 August 2009 6:20

Fml is fucked up it isn't shuffling... Fml

By bballer32 | 0

#493238 - Monday 17 August 2009 9:50

By soccer94 | 0

#704057 - Friday 4 December 2009 12:40

ggggggggg