Love: Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 27

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 133

19/08/2014 18:16

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 049

You deserved it 18 994

Another great day to be alive

Mother of the year

No data for you

20/10/2016 17:59

Today, as usual, I got to my internship early, did everything my bosses asked. At the end of the day, I was fired after 3 weeks of working unpaid overtime because they found an applicant with more experience for the job I applied to and they wanted to cut costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 861

You deserved it 701

19/12/2009 07:29

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 3 261

20/11/2012 05:03

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 470

You deserved it 3 471

Things can only get better

By MaudlinMasters - 05/01/2021 02:01

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 103

02/03/2014 05:03

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 4 347

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 211

Bored

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 22:58

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 50

21/12/2010 05:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 458

You deserved it 4 402

29/04/2011 20:25

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 283

You deserved it 5 087

17/01/2014 23:28

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 192

You deserved it 6 179

27/09/2018 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 491

15/04/2016 04:27

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 340

You deserved it 2 142

Are friends electric?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 12:01

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 84

A writer writes

By Anonymous - 12/06/2020 05:05

Today, my boyfriend came across an old poem I wrote. I like to write horror stuff, but he was disturbed, called it “silly” and “sad”, and said he didn’t want to have a girlfriend who thinks about stuff like that. I'm now discouraged from becoming a writer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 197

02/04/2012 05:38

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 909

You deserved it 2 852

11/04/2011 19:29

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 918

You deserved it 5 334

04/11/2016 13:59

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 813

You deserved it 3 500

18/12/2009 08:25

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 556

You deserved it 24 790

29/06/2013 17:18

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 709

You deserved it 3 069

09/06/2016 19:39

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 152

You deserved it 1 133

26/12/2015 18:23

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 3 043

Graded

By df22 - 03/07/2020 20:08

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 131

17/11/2011 01:32

Today, I moved to California. Too bad the rest of my belongings didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 688

You deserved it 3 094

21/10/2011 01:13

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 2 911

14/05/2009 21:23

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 959

You deserved it 3 712

28/06/2010 20:35

Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 516

You deserved it 42 103

Stay at home, especially you

By Anonymous - 09/04/2021 13:00

Today, I got tested positive for coronavirus, caught from my antivax neighbor who doesn't understand personal space. She calls herself a "Doctor", so "knows best." She has a PhD in psychology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 162

01/07/2009 00:14

Spicy

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 171

You deserved it 19 648

18/01/2011 03:19

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 719

You deserved it 6 414

11/02/2010 01:39

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 3 368

01/08/2019 14:00

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 517

27/04/2019 14:00

Today, I got fired from my position as a financial investor for giving a client the exact investment he asked for, even though the investment was out of my mandate, and I had gone to my direct manager to authorize the investment. My manager was promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 164

17/05/2009 17:34

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 913

You deserved it 7 793

28/04/2013 17:32

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 496

You deserved it 7 287

Open-minded

By plaid_is_cool - 05/05/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 208

07/05/2016 11:48

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 675

You deserved it 1 011

14/12/2009 18:49

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 670

You deserved it 11 766

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 168

20/05/2009 20:01

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 470

You deserved it 4 069

Slow day

By Driver - 18/06/2021 08:01

Today, after a 14-hour day at work 180 km away, the freeway was closed 30 km from home. I had to detour, adding another hour and a half to the already three-hour trip home. I was basically at work for almost 28 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 66

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:05

You asked for it. Now all those other women will be jealous and beg their husbands to do the same. I never knew relationships had to be cookie-cutter identical.

sometimessam 16

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:03

Time to get revenge I think.

Comments

sometimessam 16

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

cryssycakesx3 22

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:13

nah. she asked for it. who gets jealous over Facebook relationships

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:36

op does

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 0:04

this is gonna start a war of embarrassing pictures lol.

Zougibourg_fml 6

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 0:13

An impressive deduction as always, captain obvious

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 0:14

Thank you #12!

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 0:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 1:45

#12 is definitely right

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 1:49

That's what the thumbs are for #56.

tournamentdecide 33

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 1:58

I have no clue what that had to do with this chain, 43

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 2:41

They all got seen naked in the shower! What's not to understand? Gs, it's obviously the exact same thing. That was the first thing I thought of too! Come on, what's wrong with yo... Ok I'm done.

iloveanimeshow 6

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Thursday 9 October 2014 21:27

sorry to ruin it but this is a recycled FML...

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:03

Wow. I'm sorry OP

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 3:38

Me too. I think everybody's missing the point - no, she shouldn't use Facebook as the model for their relationship BUT the point is, posting a photo of your significant other in an embarrassing, private moment for all her friends, family, and the world to see is absolutely humiliating and inappropriate. I don't know about you all, but I have my coworkers, boss, church friends, high school friends, family and more on my FB and it would be mortifying for them to see me like that, especially on purpose.

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 8:01

that does suck, kick his ass then start closing the bathroom door ;-)

Gassy_stevie 15

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:03

That sounds pretty crappy for you

Gassy_stevie 15

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 1:47

That was quality humour guys

cadillacgal79 32

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 2:10

More like bad attempt at an overused pun :you tried:

Gassy_stevie 15

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 2:30

Yea I guess. It was the heat of the moment

DArthurVaderian 18

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Thursday 21 August 2014 2:01

Better than the shitty situation one

GoldFishPony 21

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:04

At least he tried...?

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 4:54

I dont get why this was thumbed down

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 14:55

#86: because he did not try at all.

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:05

You asked for it. Now all those other women will be jealous and beg their husbands to do the same. I never knew relationships had to be cookie-cutter identical.

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 18:36

He handled the situation very poorly. That's just cruel. When you're married you need to work together to make both people happy. Sounds like one crappy relationship.

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:05

Can't say the man doesn't listen.

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:05

Social media is not a representation of how happy a couple is. No need to get jealous.

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 1:09

In fact the ones posting pictures all the time typically are the ones fighting the most.

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 4:52

The fact he called her a bitch online shows he is a jerk. I mean, yes she asked for a photo to showcase, but the negative response was uncalled for. Plus he is humiliating her online.

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 6:52

Yes, OP's husband is a complete asshole and responded very inappropriately, but OP shouldn't have brought up the issue in the first place.

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Wednesday 20 August 2014 12:23

My BF and I occasionally refer to one another as bitch or asshole and no one takes it seriously... it only means what you imply by it. Who knows whether OP and her husband have the same thing or not?? And we definitely do not post pictures together to earn recognition via social media or affirm our status as 'a happy couple' and we are just fine, if not better. Humiliating OP with the toilet shot however, is just horrible.

sirpantselot 22

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Thursday 21 August 2014 5:48

A quote I like is "the best sign of a good relationship is no sign of it on facebook."

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:07

I would say make him sleep on the couch but you run the risk of a picture of him on the couch smiling. I think the caption might read "I don't have to sleep with the bitch tonight!"

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:10

People take social media too seriously. You post everything you want to "show off" and keep private matters to yourself. No relationship is perfect just because of a few photos.

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 23:10

yoi can tag him as asshole...