Transportation: Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to... - FML

By Gabi - United Kingdom

Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to buy a top, because even though it was lovely, it was really expensive. Eventually, after deciding to buy it because I could always return it if I changed my mind, I got home and realised I'd left it on the bus. FML

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Cooked it up

No Gods, No Masters

Pompous twat

By castironstomach

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

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By ihatemyjob

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

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By Cannachick

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

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By jab43 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

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By finallyready - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

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By Anonymous

Hair of the dog

Today, I spent 15 minutes scrubbing the bathtub, just to have my roommate come home and give their dog a bath in it. They didn't even rinse it or pull the hair out. I don't know what makes it more annoying, that I'm 6 months pregnant and do all the cleaning while working full-time, or that we have a hose outside. FML

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By PissOffPottermore - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 23 year old boyfriend of 2 years was forced to dump me, over the phone, by his mother. FML

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By badizzle

Helmut Newton strikes back

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

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By denied - United States

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

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By UniverseHatesMe - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

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By disappointed - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

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By thetalkingvagina - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

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By

The girl?

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

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By NotTakenYet

Today, my mom said she ran into some old coworkers and they asked about me. She was surprised they remembered me, as we only met once. The reason they remembered me is because I fell down the stairs at their house when I was 11. That was 15 years ago. FML

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By Honestly - United Kingdom - Measham

Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML

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By cheated - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

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By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

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By medik - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

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By Shower? - France

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

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By imwithapples22 - United States

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Stuck

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

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By Marcella - United States

Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

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By gonesofast - United States - Quincy

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

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By stuck - United States - California

Today, I paid a locksmith $100 after I locked myself out of my apartment. All he did was hit it, and it flung open. It wasn't locked, it'd just got stuck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

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By thinking of military school

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

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By hkkilla - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

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By lexiibabe - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

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By conley19 - United States

Today, at work a little girl wanted a slushie. Instead of pushing the tab in, she lifted it up and broke the machine, spilling slushie all over the floor. I was the only one working, so I had to clean it all up. I spent the rest of my shift covered in red slushie and smelling like cherry. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

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Top comments

By WTFsGoingOn | 0

#765166 - Sunday 10 January 2010 2:16

Ouch. That sucks big time. This is one of the many reasons I hate shopping. When you do find something you like it is so expensive that it takes more time to commit to buying it than it took to find it in the first place.

By nikerush2 | 0

#765093 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:37

Happens to the best of us...

COMMENTS

By 46plus0 | 0

#765061 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:27

It happens, that's life, really.

Reply

_cheeseballs | 0

#765252 - Sunday 10 January 2010 3:15

to the poster: I picked it up and gave it to the bus driver ;)

Reply

Zer0_Zer0 | 0

#766140 - Sunday 10 January 2010 16:51

YDI for saying lovely in a sentence.

Reply

girlygirl666 | 0

#766291 - Sunday 10 January 2010 18:58

You just did...

Reply

dancer81 | 0

#1209207 - Sunday 8 August 2010 22:31

lol #66

By blland | 0

#765092 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:37

wow.

By nikerush2 | 0

#765093 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:37

Happens to the best of us...

By gayashellfml | 0

#765100 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:42

@46plus0 I LOVE YOU. just for your picture. lol

By shoguu | 0

#765104 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:43

Not really an FML moment. Sucks, but not horrible.

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girlslikeboyz | 0

#765480 - Sunday 10 January 2010 5:57

AGREED !

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#765106 - Sunday 10 January 2010 1:43

awwww, thats awful OP :(

By clatchy | 0

#765144 - Sunday 10 January 2010 2:01

YDI for bein stupid.

By ThankYhuCaptinOb | 0

#765148 - Sunday 10 January 2010 2:04

Sorry bout tht ; Should of had it very close

By ServeRocks | 0

#765153 - Sunday 10 January 2010 2:08

follow me on Twitter @serverocks

By deepbluesea | 1

#765155 - Sunday 10 January 2010 2:10

Freudian slip?