Intimacy: Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and... - FML

By windskurfer - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21980

You deserved it

2403

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

Sounds like a catch

By SLA - United States

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

108242

You deserved it

32501

Tweet

Share

By cheap - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43943

You deserved it

6746

Tweet

Share

By yellowthumb

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4477

You deserved it

550

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13390

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1737

Tweet

Share

By bitch - 27/8/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Tracked

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1089

You deserved it

703

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44260

You deserved it

3344

Tweet

Share

By KBO - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33000

You deserved it

43271

Tweet

Share

By chi-huaHUA - United States

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29040

You deserved it

6737

Tweet

Share

By sausagefingers - United States - Nixa

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29587

You deserved it

4005

Tweet

Share

By yeaokay - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30046

You deserved it

2823

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, while at work I passed out due to my blood sugar not being normal. Despite the fact that it took 10 minutes to wake me, no one thought I was in any sort of danger. After the episode, I then got fired for "sleeping on the job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46106

You deserved it

2940

Tweet

Share

By whatjusthappened - United States - Loveland

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64059

You deserved it

4608

Tweet

Share

By notsobig - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28588

You deserved it

40787

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28964

You deserved it

13494

Tweet

Share

By MoreActionThanMe - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27860

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40611

You deserved it

25432

Tweet

Share

By Bathroom Problems - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27646

You deserved it

3918

Tweet

Share

By notacreep - United States - San Francisco

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31384

You deserved it

8182

Tweet

Share

By sick - United States

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28516

You deserved it

2570

Tweet

Share

By leahkasscar

Today, I'm stuck in a car with my sister, who is currently having a screaming match with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By negin

Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63065

You deserved it

6736

Tweet

Share

By surfergal91 - United States

No Ragrets

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45609

You deserved it

4130

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45064

You deserved it

3223

Tweet

Share

By Sammy - United States

Today, I re-broke my leg. The same way I broke it the first time, playing frisbee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24926

You deserved it

13874

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41870

You deserved it

3716

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 17:00

Let it all out

Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1369

You deserved it

589

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26072

You deserved it

2737

Tweet

Share

By rileynautumn - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46098

You deserved it

9656

Tweet

Share

By effingdoucher - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37670

You deserved it

10967

Tweet

Share

By FML - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40490

You deserved it

3377

Tweet

Share

By Bottomless_Pit_for_the_NOMS - 23/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Miami

That homely smell

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1135

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60407

You deserved it

5130

Tweet

Share

By grossed the f out

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36013

You deserved it

3802

Tweet

Share

By wah wah "you raised him" - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41685

You deserved it

5243

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28332

You deserved it

2471

Tweet

Share

By

So romantic!

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3163

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By FMyLife5915

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36194

You deserved it

6895

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27665

You deserved it

3992

Tweet

Share

By allgrowedup - United States

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41281

You deserved it

5480

Tweet

Share

By MrRadin - France

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21292

You deserved it

2330

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By marycharles | 0

#774999 - Friday 15 January 2010 1:47

obviously u don't get it 21. they don't want their parents to have sex right next to them. don't be a dipshit.

By Windskurfer | 0

#775375 - Friday 15 January 2010 4:37

Spot on, 22.

COMMENTS

By Newbie21 | 1

#774117 - Thursday 14 January 2010 18:55

what's wrong with having a health relationship?

Reply

edogy | 0

#2907271 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:16

*healthy*

Reply

cadillacgal79 | 32

#6002592 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 5:28

Um, the fact that they are in a hotel room together and OP is in the bed right NEXT to them will make anyone uncomfortable. Tell me, would you want your parents getting it on when you are sharing a room? No? Didn't think so.

By cremesar | 0

#774122 - Thursday 14 January 2010 18:57

lollllll... ur in for one hell of a night

By 1800getalife | 0

#774123 - Thursday 14 January 2010 18:57

today me and my son will have some action. fml

Reply

reallymily | 0

#1136568 - Sunday 25 July 2010 6:15

hahahahaha lmao #3

Reply

montezuma | 0

#3860357 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 10:31

Lol pretty gay

Reply

montezuma | 0

#3860366 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 10:33

Lol

By onlinegamer23 | 0

#774124 - Thursday 14 January 2010 18:58

second :D wel erm wel they are next too u

By onnielief | 4

#774129 - Thursday 14 January 2010 19:00

That is fantastic! At least your parents have a healthy sex life, means you will as well when you are old enough!

By me5 | 0

#774131 - Thursday 14 January 2010 19:00

...and???

By HamsteronA | 0

#774132 - Thursday 14 January 2010 19:01

maybe he wasn't gonna use it for sex only the pleasure of drinking it. maybe they taste nice I dunno

By Cruth | 2

#774147 - Thursday 14 January 2010 19:06

maybe u can have a trio

Reply

angeluv_2014 | 22

#5043374 - Monday 15 October 2012 0:23

you are sick!!! i can appreciate a good joke, but that's just plain fucking disgusting

By coolsteve | 0

#774163 - Thursday 14 January 2010 19:19

go and have some wincest

By randomwtf | 0

#774176 - Thursday 14 January 2010 19:33

Maybe join the fun?