Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled... - FML

By Lucky - 21/6/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

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Boozehound alert

The end of the road

This is fine

By Coach - 30/10/2009 13:19 - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 05:00

Happy Birthday!

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

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By anonymous - 17/3/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

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By gamer tag ID not recognised - 6/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband is adamant he is not a cheater because "it only counts as cheating if you have sex with other women for free" so apparently 20-year-old male prostitutes don't count because they're not women and they cost money. FML

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By angrypetowner - 29/3/2016 03:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

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By dumpyhair - 16/8/2019 04:04

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he, "just can't keep dating a girl with so many split ends." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

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By destiny147 - 30/11/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

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By dating a fucking psycho - 14/2/2013 20:06 - United States - Hickory

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

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By raven_of_azarath - 19/6/2019 12:23

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 05:06 - United States - Appleton

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

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By - 29/12/2018 10:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out my 8th period science teacher got fired. Our final is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML

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By pissed_off_girl - 1/4/2013 02:59 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

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By notworthit - 23/2/2010 00:53 - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

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By anon - 31/10/2012 04:22 - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

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By Kris - 7/8/2011 20:37 - China

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

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By Hungryman - 15/1/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

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By thisisavirus.exe - 31/12/2014 20:57 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 17/6/2017 14:00

Today, a customer passed out in the bathroom, so we didn't realize he was there until after closing. I don't know what he'd shot up, but whatever it was told him he should run around naked. It's been two hours and the cops still haven't shown up. I can't leave until he does. FML

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By doggone - 14/7/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

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By notfromanisland - 4/12/2015 05:41

Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

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By stagedivefail - 19/8/2009 14:36 - Australia

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

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By cassiebee - 4/11/2012 14:16 - United States - Morgan

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

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By anonymous - 17/6/2011 19:58 - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

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By stoopidRUnner - 24/2/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

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By GrinningCynic - 14/5/2012 17:55 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was told I need two root canals. This is because my previous dentist did such a bad job on one of my teeth that the decay went through and transferred to its neighbor. FML

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By catwithwatermelononhead - 21/1/2018 19:00

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

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By ugh - 1/10/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

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By anonymous - 25/7/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

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By Tipless - 7/11/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

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By lolomg - 8/9/2011 01:22 - New Zealand

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

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By busybee - 10/5/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

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By -_- - 15/3/2016 01:46 - United States - Inverness

Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML

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By Dilly_20 - 22/2/2011 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

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By saxophone911 - 13/4/2013 15:52 - United States

Today, at school, I saw the guy I like at his locker. I decided to run up from behind and surprise him. I ended up accidentally slamming his locker on his fingers. FML

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Top comments

By Cinnabar | 0

#328250 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:08

Can someone else collect it for you?

By NGM_47 | 0

#328300 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:14

Well how'd you enter in the first place?....this is very suspicious!! If it is true then your parents should be able to collect it for you, maybe.

COMMENTS

By Cinnabar | 0

#328250 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:08

Can someone else collect it for you?

Reply

poiuytrewqlkjhgf | 0

#328585 - Monday 22 June 2009 3:32

I know, just get your parents to do it or something... :P

Reply

easylazy | 0

#328771 - Monday 22 June 2009 4:21

y doesnt he just lie
hes gonna have to be a man eventually

Reply

spirited_away33 | 0

#330456 - Monday 22 June 2009 17:16

It's a woman so... no

Reply

Subal_fml | 8

#330681 - Monday 22 June 2009 18:42

Er, who's going to have to be a man? The poster is female.

Reply

mattmag | 0

#330758 - Monday 22 June 2009 19:13

rofl #27 failed pretty hard there.

Just get your parents to collect it!

Reply

realggirl | 0

#330839 - Monday 22 June 2009 19:49

Yeah, I agree, just have one of your parents collect it...

Reply

vinay111 | 1

#1071810 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 20:47

then get ur parents

By GlassJAwkidE | 3

#328252 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:08

oh no that sucks! :(

Reply

nazooer | 11

#329882 - Monday 22 June 2009 13:14

It's a little thing called an identity check

By lolkat | 0

#328254 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:09

can't your parents collect it for you? as your guardians or something?

Reply

snickerz01 | 0

#2590254 - Monday 30 May 2011 23:53

they dont need to. OP isnt 17 they "are" 23 right?

By NGM_47 | 0

#328300 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:14

Well how'd you enter in the first place?....this is very suspicious!! If it is true then your parents should be able to collect it for you, maybe.

Reply

Samazoid | 0

#329863 - Monday 22 June 2009 13:02

Because usually on cruise ships they just have a little check-out flier in the room that you leave in the room and they pick up. You check off stuff where you want to be entered in sweep stakes and such.

By vooper | 0

#328306 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:16

Why would the age be 23? Haha. Tell your mommy. She will approve.
Always look on the bright side of life!

Reply

fuzzybrownbear | 0

#328416 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:48

You have to be 23 because the contest was 2 years ago, so you must have been twenty-one at the time of entrance, or 23 at the time of the phone call.

Reply

turtlellama | 0

#328547 - Monday 22 June 2009 3:23

It was one year ago, so the age limit would have been 22...

By ithedarkknight | 0

#328325 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:19

so you cant find someone else you trust that can get it for you... lol i dont really see the problem unless you have to have like ID showing your 23 or older when its time to go on vacation on the cruise?

By ASUdec | 0

#328329 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:20

Can't read huh? That's a shame

By DreMaMa | 0

#328365 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:29

Since your never gonna get it, call them back and repeat these words exactly. " FUCK YOU THEN BITCH, HY YOU EVEN CALL ME THEN?" then have a long pause.... " Well is it possible if my mother can pick these up by any chance?"

By AnnieLennox1954 | 0

#328387 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:37

Cruise lines are assholes. The only two cruise lines I know of who let people under 21 sail without a "guardian" are Disney (which is full of shitty little kids) and some major-league expensive Euro line. Bah!

By EBflea | 0

#328391 - Monday 22 June 2009 2:38

That really sucks : can you perhaps get an adult to collect it for you? There must be some way.
I mean, even if you do get caught, you're only young once.