Miscellaneous: Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 25

25/12/2013 23:19

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 580

You deserved it 4 251

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

19/12/2011 05:03

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 763

You deserved it 2 638

23/11/2012 09:07

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 199

You deserved it 5 022

25/04/2017 17:00

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 734

You deserved it 565

20/02/2014 21:20

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 52 830

27/09/2016 10:15

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 166

You deserved it 1 957

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 152

05/11/2014 13:57

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 049

You deserved it 4 024

PMS FTW

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 146

17/07/2014 15:57

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 319

You deserved it 13 581

09/09/2012 06:15

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 278

You deserved it 25 957

01/01/2009 05:23

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 437

You deserved it 6 340

12/12/2011 17:08

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 5 181

08/06/2013 22:20

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 837

You deserved it 4 292

28/05/2011 06:54

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 4 649

15/05/2015 19:54

Spicy

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 226

You deserved it 3 461

01/02/2010 10:23

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 442

You deserved it 13 922

06/09/2015 04:55

Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 398

You deserved it 13 068

30/07/2010 06:38

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 105

You deserved it 4 002

07/10/2016 20:28

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 301

You deserved it 793

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 380

You deserved it 6 458

Dyslexics untie!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 02:01

Today, after finding out from my psychologist that I have a disability in reading comprehension, I tried to Google how to improve my reading skills. I couldn't understand what any of the articles were saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 98

22/01/2013 11:39

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 5 471

12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 131

You deserved it 18 400

26/05/2010 18:03

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 772

You deserved it 5 997

19/10/2014 11:22

Spicy

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 776

You deserved it 5 137

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 05/06/2010 10:36

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 297

You deserved it 3 571

05/11/2010 23:17

Spicy

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 478

You deserved it 3 110

28/06/2016 17:09

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 315

You deserved it 909

27/08/2009 15:53

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 654

You deserved it 5 222

14/10/2009 17:01

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 015

You deserved it 16 698

21/05/2011 06:42

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 5 759

20/02/2012 03:00

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 337

You deserved it 57 548

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 187

Assumptions

By Uglyandfat - 10/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, I was walking home when I heard a male voice behind me yelling, “Hey! Hello!” I walked faster and grabbed my pocket knife, turned around and pointed it at him. He just wanted to hand me back the keys I'd dropped. He then added something like, "Oh, and don’t get it twisted, you’re too fat to be kidnapped and raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 1 721

01/10/2018 13:30

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 201

26/01/2013 20:44

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 379

You deserved it 4 152

30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 694

You deserved it 717

Snow day

By Charlie8u347 - 29/12/2009 20:26

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 257

You deserved it 6 034

Hard no

By Eduardo - 18/04/2021 20:00

Today, my 30-year old cousin, who is unemployed, parasitic and never completed high-school, whose girlfriend is a crack addict, wants to move into my place. He was evicted from an apartment building two weeks ago for assaulting some neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 66

14/03/2014 05:07

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 591

You deserved it 3 997

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Thursday 26 December 2013 8:57

At least you know they won't be against the wedding.

abhi95 31

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:37

1. You have a girlfriend 2. Your family loves her Please just shut up and enjoy life!

Comments

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Thursday 26 December 2013 8:57

At least you know they won't be against the wedding.

DREAMCATCHERoooo 4

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Thursday 26 December 2013 15:33

Exactly! This is a good thing OP. Unless you are some kind of attention whore, then its not.

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Thursday 26 December 2013 17:30

I agree, this is an amazing thing. Usually after every family event I have to listen to my wife complain that she doesn't feel excepted and she's not part of the family and most of the time I wish my family would just leave me alone.

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Thursday 26 December 2013 17:56

#1 Though they may side with her in the divorce.

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Thursday 26 December 2013 19:43

No... I have to agree. I would be extremely happy to see my family and my girlfriend get along on that level! It would make life so much easier.

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Thursday 26 December 2013 19:46

#35 don't be such a pessimist, they haven't even gotten married yet!

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:01

That means she's a keeper, Op. They obviously can see she makes you happy. Besides... when they start getting on your nerves, you can push them off on her.

ForbiddenDestiny 20

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:04

At least she's been accepted into your family! :) x

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:07

Hey that means half the in-law problems! Score!

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:08

poor baby!!! Dude, if you got a girlfriend be a man then, grow up

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:19

That's how it always is. Means they really like her.

dancingprancer 6

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:21

I highly doubt it. they probably just really like you two together! trust me, that's way better than the other way around. (:

p007 12

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:27

They must be very excited to see that she's still with you!

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:27

You would think that your family showing a genuine interest in her would please you.

ohnowhyme123 15

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Thursday 26 December 2013 9:28

at least you know they approve of her