Today, I ran over Oprah. FML - FML

By stressedartist - United States

Today, I ran over Oprah. FML

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Rock, hard place

Capitalism kills

Thanks, I'm cured!

By Mr Hawks - France

Today, I decided to put my computer on slideshow mode. Did you know that hidden files are also read when you put slideshow on? I discovered this, as did my entire family, when my naked girlfriend appeared on the screen. FML

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By Jacqueline H'ghar - New Zealand

Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML

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By crazyjohnny - United States

Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML

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By this is impossible - United States - Norristown

Today, my dad sat me and my sister down and give us a "talk". More like an angry irrational rant. He forbade us from being gay, marrying a Muslim or a black person, demanded kids from both of us, and threatened to disown us if we didn't. Where's my free will? FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

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By unluckydude - Colombia - Tunja

Today, my co-worker thought it would be funny to tell her husband that she cheated on him with me. I'm scared to death and I don't dare to go out by myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 11:02

Conspiracies claim another victim

Today, after learning that "phones are tracking you" and that "Google is spying on you" from some shady website, my son destroyed all our phones and computers. FML

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By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

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By julia - United States

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

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By tryingtobepretty101 - United States

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

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By danesy - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

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By Shadyblood - Puerto Rico

Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML

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By ineedayob - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

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By notgoth - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

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By ilovemypup

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

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By ven980 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

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By unknown - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

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By NotTodaySatan - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

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By no booze, no boyfriend - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

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By Grounded - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

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By xtammyle - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

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By Nofreeride

Today, after arguing with my husband over who needed the car more, I thought he clearly won. As the loser, I spent the day walking everywhere. Later, I learned that he thought I'd won and left the car in our apartment parking garage for me while he took the bus to work. FML

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By Insomniac - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

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By GoldenSteve - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

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By inpain14 - 13/5/2020 05:00

Headache

Today, I learned that one of the reasons I may be getting migraines every day is because I subconsciously clench my jaw a lot due to stress. To try and have it hurt less, I’ve gone back to wearing my plastic retainer during the day, but it makes my gag reflux act up. FML

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By random guy - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

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By twit - United States

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

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By makeover-needed - United States

Today, I learned how my coworkers differentiate between my coworker and me as we have the same name, when I overheard one of them ask the other, "Which one, ugly Leslie or hot Leslie?" When the answer was "ugly Leslie," he walked straight to me. FML

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By LostInSunday

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

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By BrokeButSmart - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

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By nanall - United States

Today, my 24-year-old brother tried to convince me that Hogwarts is real, because there is no way a person could have written that based on imagination. My parents agreed with him. FML

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Top comments

By Hooorror | 15

#6686277 - Friday 9 September 2016 14:45

Josh: This is my worst birthday ever!
Drake: Is it because you ran over Oprah?
Josh: No, because it's a little humid--YES, IT'S BECAUSE I RAN OVER OPRAH!

By awesomeamandas | 37

#6686302 - Friday 9 September 2016 15:30

shouldve used a picture of Josh.

COMMENTS

By Hooorror | 15

#6686277 - Friday 9 September 2016 14:45

Josh: This is my worst birthday ever!
Drake: Is it because you ran over Oprah?
Josh: No, because it's a little humid--YES, IT'S BECAUSE I RAN OVER OPRAH!

Reply

xxUnknown | 19

#6686981 - Saturday 10 September 2016 10:25

Haha ! That's the first thing I thought of

Reply

chuchaiilabss | 19

#6694395 - Friday 23 September 2016 18:20

Same here! Hahaha

Reply

_OVERSCORE_ | 6

#6704087 - Wednesday 19 October 2016 4:53

I was just about to say that

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6686278 - Friday 9 September 2016 14:46

Looks like he floored it.

By awesomeamandas | 37

#6686302 - Friday 9 September 2016 15:30

shouldve used a picture of Josh.

By WCARlover | 34

#6686303 - Friday 9 September 2016 15:33

I repeat things for emphasis. EMPHASIS!

By somelildude | 14

#6686425 - Friday 9 September 2016 18:05

So did she take the picture?

By NNOTCHO | 23

#6686433 - Friday 9 September 2016 18:15

Should of been a picture of drake and josh smh

By lemurman108 | 24

#6686470 - Friday 9 September 2016 19:26

Imposter! He's not Josh Nichols.

By Rangeralex92 | 9

#6686486 - Friday 9 September 2016 19:43

Please stop with these stupid "FML Pics". They're not funny

Reply

ThunderLightTSV | 31

#6686496 - Friday 9 September 2016 19:58

Sorry, your highness. I'm sure they'll change everything to fit your demands right away, since you're so high and mighty.

By DSW_Azrael | 4

#6686566 - Friday 9 September 2016 21:42

Sounds like a drake and josh episode!

Reply

mariri9206 | 32

#6687990 - Monday 12 September 2016 6:41

That's because it was.

By JothamHousden | 17

#6687535 - Sunday 11 September 2016 10:03

These images are cancer