Health: Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make... - FML

By tingleballs - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

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BO Central

Goodbye Bill

Ghosted

By dannyboy - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

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By Anownimous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

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By Jules - 12/1/2021 23:07

Insurance is a scam: Tokyo drift

Today, if you have a job in my country, you automatically have health insurance. Without a job, you can get “voluntary insurance”. No, let me rephrase that: You are legally required to get “voluntary” insurance. Whether you can afford it or not. FML

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By icefly - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

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By fd_uplife - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

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By None - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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By girlymae - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

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By SamAaron502 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I woke up at 3a.m. to get ready for a "fun work retreat". After driving 2 hours to the site, I find that nobody is there. After about half an hour standing there freezing, I get an email from my boss, telling me that "It's canceled due to bad weather". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

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By Lily Cakes - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

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By Amy - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

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By thisguy - Canada

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML

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By chickenmcnuggetgirl - Ireland - Enfield

Different strokes

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

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By laurwitharawr - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

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By K - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

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By UnfortunatelySingle - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

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By lauren - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 02:59 - United States - West Yellowstone

Alexa, play "Burning down the house" by Talking Heads

Today, a house I'm working in burned down overnight. My entire cordless tool line up and everything else needed to remodel a 3-story home is gone. Almost $14000. The only way I will be somewhat, maybe, possibly, reimbursed is if I stay on to rebuild the home. I don't have anything left to even start. FML

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By thereisnobaby - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

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By 205 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

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By dickhead - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

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By dac5

Lowered expectations

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

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By roadkill0321 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

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By smoothmove - United States

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

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By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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By AlyCo55

Today, I found out two of my rats are pregnant. The breeder told us that all of them were male, only one ended up being male. I now have 20+ rat babies on the way and no idea how to take care of them. FML

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By poopcoloredeyes - Australia

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

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By horniness - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

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By WittyMoron - United Kingdom

Shooting!

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

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By Gross... - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

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By Wow - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

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By karebear - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

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By stabbed with kindness - Russian Federation - Elektrostal

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

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By heartbroken - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating on me the whole time, but that "it's just physical". However, he doesn't want to do anything "physical" with me, except cuddle when we're together. FML

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By deadinavan - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

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By bpruitt95 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

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Top comments

By Tamandua | 19

#6591857 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

I guess you weren't koalafied to use that oil.

By saifnaqvi11 | 21

#6591853 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:18

Step 1. Take random product
Step 2. Pour randomly in bathtub without reading directions
Step 3. ?????
Step 4. Um... You get baby skin? I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish here.

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6591848 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:16

You'll be the most popular man among the koalas for awhile. You should wear a cup just in case they start chewing.

By SOILEDIT | 51

#6591849 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:16

Tasty.

By Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6591851 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:18

Didn't you read how much to apply before applying it onto your skin?

By saifnaqvi11 | 21

#6591853 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:18

Step 1. Take random product
Step 2. Pour randomly in bathtub without reading directions
Step 3. ?????
Step 4. Um... You get baby skin? I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish here.

Reply

gemstone586 | 12

#6591867 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:28

He was trying to relax, as stated.
You DO realize that eucalyptus oil is a very strong oil that takes like 2 drops, right? it would be pretty easy to make this mistake.

Reply

Kitouran | 30

#6591961 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:38

Yeah, but a hundred times? That obviously means he just winged it, or he would have realized his mistake and redrawn his bath.

Reply

andrmac | 25

#6593600 - Sunday 1 May 2016 3:44

What he got was hot nuts!

By Tamandua | 19

#6591857 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

I guess you weren't koalafied to use that oil.

Reply

SOILEDIT | 51

#6591859 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

No, he wasn't koalafied to read the instructions.

Reply

Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#6591942 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:16

Leaf it to OP to make a silly mistake like this!

...oil let myself out :3

By TonierShadow | 19

#6591858 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

I wonder if urban dictionary has a word for dipping your balls in yogurt?

Reply

Welshite | 39

#6591860 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:21

Tapioca pudding.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6591981 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:53

Thanks Welshite, you've totally turned me off tapioca pudding for life...

By jdw17 | 13

#6591861 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:21

God bless your balls. I hope they fully recover.

By TMWhisp | 22

#6591865 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:26

A little goes a long way, man.
Good luck telling your wife about this!

By davisjenny81 | 30

#6591869 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:30

Does anyone know what the chili pepper by OP's name means?

Reply

tarlax | 11

#6591875 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:37

It means OP's balls feel about as hot as chilli peppers right now.

Reply

Shadow9876 | 19

#6591886 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:58

Burning balls = Chili Pepper

Reply

PurpleMyth | 28

#6591908 - Friday 29 April 2016 3:34

It means that it's an NSFW FML

Reply

emanhernandez | 22

#6591921 - Friday 29 April 2016 3:56

What does nsfw mean

Reply

Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#6591947 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:24

#20, it means Now Show Friends and Workmates :)

Reply

GekkyGekko | 2

#6592206 - Friday 29 April 2016 11:25

NSFW= Not Safe For Work

By vaderislord | 6

#6591872 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:31

You are supposed to mix essential oils with a carrier oil(grapeseed, coconut, etc) before applying them to skin, ingesting them, and even before putting them in bathwater. Make sure to mix them together before pouring them in, don't pour them in separately. You can do a little research on google to find the ratio, sites like edens garden, young living, etc should have them.
Water does not dilute oils, and they are too corrosive and volatile to just pour in without proper dilution. It is harmful and as you unfortunately found out, can burn your skin.