Health: Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make...

By tingleballs - 28/04/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 774

You deserved it 5 213

Health

Mother of the year

You tried

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 10:19 - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 471

You deserved it 8 098

By Ouch - 22/05/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 365

You deserved it 13 221

By Irobot - 15/03/2017 22:00

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was berated by a customer for a good two minutes. It's okay though because she ended with, "Sorry, I forget you all are real people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 386

You deserved it 307

The vigil

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 2 469

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 4 505

By snowman - 06/02/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 11 797

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 695

You deserved it 5 264

Circular logic

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 11:01

Today, I was told I was disrespectful for letting a parent know that her son was disrespecting adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 66

By Potted - 16/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Denton

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 880

You deserved it 3 887

Night terrors

By Si123 - 15/08/2020 08:01

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 220

By thoughtidseenitall - 02/02/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 267

You deserved it 4 001

By PissedbythePiper - 11/09/2012 06:11 - United States - Saukville

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 283

You deserved it 2 901

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 15:18 - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 2 417

By ugly5402 - 06/01/2010 21:05 - United States

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 243

You deserved it 26 720

Another brick in the wall

By Anonymous - 14/11/2021 10:59 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I ran into one of my exes, and she seemed straight up shocked to see me. She said, "OH MY GOD! You're alive?" like I was a suicide risk or something. Nope, turns out her last 3 boyfriends before me were so unstable that when she cheated on them, they killed themselves shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 64

By MAC. - 04/08/2012 09:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 034

You deserved it 5 861

By jessiejaybee - 18/11/2014 10:41 - United States

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 505

You deserved it 3 700

By SCdriver - 16/07/2012 06:04 - United States - Lexington

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 211

You deserved it 36 136

By couturier - 02/01/2010 07:08 - France

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 933

You deserved it 36 115

By Anonymous - 08/09/2015 22:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 750

You deserved it 2 855

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:31 - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 217

You deserved it 1 553

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:56 - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 1 503

By lordtimbit - 15/03/2015 15:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 607

You deserved it 3 106

By Jessica - 21/08/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 915

You deserved it 3 469

By Double Standard - 12/10/2018 08:30 - United States - Menasha

Today, my boss yelled at me for having Facebook open at work. That's fine, I closed it and continued on with my work. In a meeting later on I could see the reflection of my boss's laptop screen in a mirror behind her desk. For two hours, I watched her scroll through her Facebook feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 417

By Star_Wars_Lover - 26/04/2016 15:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 709

You deserved it 1 633

Leave us alone

By SweethomeAlabama - 01/06/2021 01:00 - Turkey - Konya

Today, a customer asked me if I was my husband's sister. A little flabbergasted, I replied, "No, I'm his wife." He went on to say, "Ah! But surely, you're related? Cousins?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 149

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 03:00

Today, I finally found a job as a secretary for a small film studio. The sets are in a soundproofed part of the building, but not for the typical reasons. Right through the wall is a pornography studio. It's all I'll hear from 8 to 5 every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 241

By Suicidal - 20/12/2009 22:40 - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 7 687

By Thistle - 12/09/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I filled out an application at WalMart after being unable to find a job in three months. I just graduated from law school. With honors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 557

You deserved it 5 107

By Wowfmylife - 19/08/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 155

You deserved it 4 209

By nakedweddingday - 04/07/2013 02:40 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 814

You deserved it 3 705

By StarDust5921 - 04/10/2016 01:55 - United States - Utica

Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 2 153

By Anonymous - 14/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got to wake up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "U got competition." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 173

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 06:00

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 093

You deserved it 1 762

Easy

By FootinMouth - 18/07/2013 21:48 - United States - Louisville

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 430

You deserved it 54 513

Boom!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 98

By Loser - 01/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 556

You deserved it 4 611

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 446

You deserved it 13 075

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Tamandua 19

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

I guess you weren't koalafied to use that oil.

saifnaqvi11 21

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:18

Step 1. Take random product Step 2. Pour randomly in bathtub without reading directions Step 3. ????? Step 4. Um... You get baby skin? I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish here.

Welshite 39

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:16

You'll be the most popular man among the koalas for awhile. You should wear a cup just in case they start chewing.

SOILEDIT 51

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:16

Tasty.

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:18

Didn't you read how much to apply before applying it onto your skin?

saifnaqvi11 21

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:18

Step 1. Take random product Step 2. Pour randomly in bathtub without reading directions Step 3. ????? Step 4. Um... You get baby skin? I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish here.

gemstone586 12

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:28

He was trying to relax, as stated. You DO realize that eucalyptus oil is a very strong oil that takes like 2 drops, right? it would be pretty easy to make this mistake.

Kitouran 30

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 4:38

Yeah, but a hundred times? That obviously means he just winged it, or he would have realized his mistake and redrawn his bath.

andrmac 25

Send a private message

Sunday 1 May 2016 3:44

What he got was hot nuts!

Tamandua 19

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

I guess you weren't koalafied to use that oil.

SOILEDIT 51

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

No, he wasn't koalafied to read the instructions.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 4:16

Leaf it to OP to make a silly mistake like this! ...oil let myself out :3

TonierShadow 19

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:20

I wonder if urban dictionary has a word for dipping your balls in yogurt?

Welshite 39

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:21

Tapioca pudding.

False_Stupidity 41

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 4:53

Thanks Welshite, you've totally turned me off tapioca pudding for life...

jdw17 13

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:21

God bless your balls. I hope they fully recover.

TMWhisp 22

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:26

A little goes a long way, man. Good luck telling your wife about this!

davisjenny81 30

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:30

Does anyone know what the chili pepper by OP's name means?

tarlax 11

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:37

It means OP's balls feel about as hot as chilli peppers right now.

Shadow9876 19

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:58

Burning balls = Chili Pepper

PurpleMyth 28

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 3:34

It means that it's an NSFW FML

emanhernandez 22

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 3:56

What does nsfw mean

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 4:24

#20, it means Now Show Friends and Workmates :)

GekkyGekko 2

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 11:25

NSFW= Not Safe For Work

vaderislord 6

Send a private message

Friday 29 April 2016 2:31

You are supposed to mix essential oils with a carrier oil(grapeseed, coconut, etc) before applying them to skin, ingesting them, and even before putting them in bathwater. Make sure to mix them together before pouring them in, don't pour them in separately. You can do a little research on google to find the ratio, sites like edens garden, young living, etc should have them. Water does not dilute oils, and they are too corrosive and volatile to just pour in without proper dilution. It is harmful and as you unfortunately found out, can burn your skin.