Work: Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk...

By Peppermint - 17/03/2011 10:00 - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 314

You deserved it 5 340

Work

Another great day to be alive

Compromises

Noise annoys

By I need cuddles - 26/08/2019 20:00

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 312

By Bye Bye Toast - 25/05/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from a funeral to find that my mother had cleaned my house. She thought it would be a good idea to put my toaster in the dishwasher to clean it. My toaster is fried, and she thinks everything's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 153

By bella - 08/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 970

You deserved it 5 095

By uncool - 16/04/2011 06:11 - United States

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 579

You deserved it 5 007

Showing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 14:01

Today, I recorded a 20-minute TED talk and told my students to watch it on the app in preparation for next terms projects. I got bombarded with messages from my students, telling me that because I was sat down on a chair while recording, certain camera angles could see straight up my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 516

By Judy - 19/09/2012 23:33 - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 3 112

By Anonymous - 11/08/2015 04:39

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 919

You deserved it 6 382

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 08:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend forgot to tell me about the all-night bender he went out on, and what he got up to with my best friend. But its okay; the Facebook pictures say it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 573

You deserved it 3 654

By displeased - 05/04/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 639

You deserved it 3 535

By Preggie - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Singapore

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 819

You deserved it 23 502

By Shnur - 05/04/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 610

You deserved it 20 764

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 473

You deserved it 104 529

So painful

By Anonymous - 30/01/2020 03:00

Today, my sister caught me bent over trying to trim my pubic hairs. She took a photo of my spread ass as a joke and scared me so bad, I cut my clitoris. Currently in hospital hopped up on the really good morphine for the excruciating pain. Oh, and the stitches, God, I can't forget the stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 442

You deserved it 394

By aviators - 07/04/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 215

You deserved it 29 759

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 02:01 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out my roommate was exposed to COVID back on New Year's. She tested positive on the 4th and was scared too tell me because she, "didn't want me to see her as irresponsible." Now I can't work for 2 weeks and need to find a place to stay because my roommate still doesn't think it's "that serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 152

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 379

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 3 831

By marge1010 - 08/03/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 880

You deserved it 9 983

Good intentions

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 19:01 - Indonesia - Bekasi

Today, I asked someone to work with me because I felt sorry for her. Turns out, she isn't at all helpful and refuses to work after school, just because she would miss her "beauty nap". She also made up dumb excuses for why she couldn't help me or the others. I wonder why no one wanted to be in a group with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 118

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 102

You deserved it 1 644

By failedfather - 16/12/2013 16:34 - Australia - Ferntree Gully

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 232

You deserved it 13 782

By Kathleen Michelle Cooper - 28/08/2018 20:30

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my second child. This wouldn't be so bad if my son wasn't only 10 months old and my partner, the father of my children, hadn't been secretly seeing his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 157

You deserved it 608

By Eli123 - 01/05/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 475

You deserved it 51 736

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 13:03 - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 985

You deserved it 6 511

Banned

By Helen - 22/03/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom

Today, while showing my mum how to make a TikTok, she not only found the masturbation video I made to send to my husband while he’s away for work, she accidentally managed to post it to TikTok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 1 294

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 22:01 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 126

It'll be a Vlog next

By elliebellie - 21/03/2021 00:28 - Australia

Today, my husband forgot to log out of his laptop. Out of curiosity, I checked what was on the screen. It turns out he has his own blog where he shares all the intimate details about our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 183

You're going to hell

By he's not the one going to hell - 12/09/2014 21:11 - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 926

You deserved it 3 393

Forever alone man

By Boyufd - 02/01/2021 08:00

Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:10 - United States - Batesville

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 42 518

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 274

By Username - 25/01/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 144

You deserved it 34 936

By Anonymous - 10/08/2014 17:24 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 998

You deserved it 3 212

By Anonymous - 14/12/2016 12:06

Today, my sister, who has "borrowed" almost nine hundred dollars from me over the last few months, told me I was pathetic for not having my driver's license yet and that I "wasn't normal". I was saving that money for my driving lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 752

You deserved it 1 036

By Terry - 13/07/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 88 735

By chloeleigholivia - 10/01/2016 19:55 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 259

You deserved it 5 065

By Unknown - 09/02/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 675

You deserved it 35 097

By hairyarms - 10/10/2010 12:47 - Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 257

You deserved it 5 663

By MrOh - 09/08/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 615

You deserved it 4 499

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 389

You deserved it 5 188

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Top comments

Ruckainc 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:02

Awwwwww. Someone likes you! :3

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Thursday 17 March 2011 19:03

"Today, I saw the name of a cute girl i work with in the elevator. Bored and trying to be sweet, i drew a little heart by it. It wasn't my best work, for i was shaky and nervous. When she found out it was me, she kicked me in the nuts, called me a stalker, and is now suing for sexual harassment. FML"

junz_fml 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:01

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:07

ooo

NomsdePourquoi 3

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:01

what's a wonky heart?

Zebidee 8

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:10

won·ky Adjective /ˈwäNGkē/ shaky, rickety, wobbly, crooked, off-center, askew, faulty.

TayonaC 10

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:11

I guess a messed up mutilated heart....

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:14

How offensive! I spent a long time drawing that heart! And op, you should be thankful you work in a place where the only thing you need to get laid is a vagina.(: lol

MissBunny25 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:17

aw you and the owner of the wonky heart should go out! I'll cook y'all the special of the week... boiling macaroni :D

tulsafml 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:21

haha troll

Blazingcrono 6

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:22

It's IT. No hot men allowed (presumedly).

alfredrog 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 16:46

well at least u got one, some people in FML wish they did :p

NuyoRicanGirl 3

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Thursday 17 March 2011 17:04

LOL #26 is boiling macaroni your specialty =p Mmmm

SirEBC 7

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Thursday 17 March 2011 17:24

Please don't start the macaroni shit again.

MissBunny25 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 17:24

51 lmfao. I won't just for you.

Codezlol 21

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Thursday 17 March 2011 18:31

ravioli>macaroni ;)

MissBunny25 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 18:35

72 to save our relationship, I will pretend like I didn't read that

Codezlol 21

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Thursday 17 March 2011 18:47

Hey once you go ravioli you... yeah I got nothin ;(

Jonny_Trump 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 19:27

I love macaroni. :D If I were wearing a macaroni suit, would you love me?

calvin10 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 19:45

love the southern accent girl! :-)

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Thursday 17 March 2011 20:10

Easy Mac :D lol Macaroni all the way

docscientist 9

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Thursday 17 March 2011 20:47

Nothing like borderline glowing orange powder mixed with water, heat, and macaroni to make your day.

MissBunny25 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 20:50

89, no. perhaps if it were real macaroni. I dont eat fabric.

iluffmcrandbvb 1

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Thursday 17 March 2011 21:06

congrats on yr bby, 50

Lolerskatez 0

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Thursday 17 March 2011 23:38

I'd be thankful someone out there likes you.. take what you can get IMO, and oh my god no you're possibly working with a gay male!! which makes up 30% of the god damn population these days, write "Thanks but No?" next to the heart, take a compliment much =