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By  perdix  |  29

You should have said, "Gama Su!" and hoped he knew Japanese.

An American businessman goes to Japan to meet with clients. The night before the meeting, he hires a Japanese "escort," and they end up in bed. He's giving it to her strong, and she keeps moaning, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" He's so turned on that she's so into it, that he keeps slamming her harder and she keeps up with "Gama Su!"

The next day, he goes out to play golf with his Japanese clients. On the very first hole, one of them tees up, hits a perfect shot and the ball rolls into the cup -- a hole-in-one! The American uses his newly-learned language skill yelling "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

To which the Japanese guy said, "What do you mean 'wrong hole?'"

  LexaDear  |  0

My friend told my other friend

2 gays were at a bar. 1 stood up, and the other said 'hey want me to push your stool in? ;)"

and it took him 4 days before we finally had to explain it

  jessiepie  |  0

Uni- Me either, they're not always appropriate for regular company. I try to be careful because you never know when someone is in the closet.

Lexa- Yay! :))

  brandonsdick  |  0

oh my god lol that's the only other ones I know..

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline..

you take your boots off to jump on the trampoline..I'm disgusted with myself haha

  LexaDear  |  0

I feel bad because I actually know a baby that died :{ they're sad.
my personal favorite:
whycdid the baby cross the road?
it was stapled to the chicken!

  brandonsdick  |  0

I'll say my personal favourite before someone starts yelling at us..

how long does it take to paint a house with babies ?...

depends on how hard you throw them 

  LexaDear  |  0

I know everyones gonna hate us :/
it's not like I'd ever actually kill a baby. they're adorable!
OP-just like my pencil slipped when I stabbed that kid in the arm in 1st grade.

  BangOut  |  2

What do you get if you stick a knife in a baby?


How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

NONE, babies shouldn't be doing construction work.
whats the differnce between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a pile of dead babies in my garage.
Furthermore, if i did discover a pile of dead babies in my garage,
I would immediately contact the authorities, unless of course they were my doing,
in which case i would hop in my ferrari and drive like a ****ing bat out of hell away from there.

  ktbird  |  0

Seriously let's tone down the dead baby jokes. I know someone whose one week old baby passed away last week, and with the number of people who read FML I imagine someone reading these may have experienced the same thing. It's a horrific event that shouldn't be joked about.

  2bobbybowdens  |  0

I agree with Trey Parker. Either everythings ok to joke about or nothing is. 2 of my cousins were born with clef lips but I still thinks it's funny in Family Guy. I know people that have survuved and knew people who died of cancer. I have gay friends, black friends, Irish friends. But a jokes a joke. That's all. If we worried about all these sorts of things we'd all be miserable all the time. I'm sure losing a baby's not gonna be easy with no one mentioning it.

  brandonsdick  |  0

127- I'm sorry you know someone who's baby died but seriously you're gonna bitch about a joke well jokes. Don't comment back flipping out because I don't wanna cause anything sure it's wrong and pretty disgusting but same goes for about any funny joke haha we both know it's true, bathroom humor took over the good ol' usa.

  ktbird  |  0

131, this isn't South Park. A satire TV show shouldn't be watched if you don't want to be made fun of. Your examples are not the norm. A family member of mine has lost 2 best friends to suicide, one of which he found. It's not okay to make suicide jokes in my family.

162, I'm not bitching, just pointing out this isn't your house, this is a public forum and you have no idea who may be reading. Try to be considerate of others. Not to mention the jokes are seriously derailing the FML.

  brandonsdick  |  0

178- Completely understand what you mean but all you gotta do is start from the top to the bottom the whole baby jokes started randomly. I find baby jokes hilarious maybe I'm a sick sick person idk ? It's the same as sex jokes just 100 times worth. by the way thank ya for not flipping shit as it would be very uncalled for.

  Sammyb123  |  0

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail it's other hand to the floor.

How do you get a baby drunk?
Put it in a blender.

How do you stop your baby from being dizzy?
Change your tumble dryer to rotate the other way.

To people offended, sorry I hurt your feelings :( Sorry people sometimes say things you don't approve of :(

  ktbird  |  0

190, has nothing to do with "not approving"... you're missing the point. It has to do with not poking fun at a topic that may remind someone of one of the most traumatic events a human being can go through.

You want to make dead baby jokes amongst a group of 14 year old friends, great, but anyone can read these comments. Hopefully you'll never wake up to find a dead son or daughter and then happen upon these jokes.

  My2864  |  1

LMAO your user name is brandons dick and you say keep your clothes on?
so basicly that means your willing to show your dick with your clothes on
seriously gtfo

  MarkSeattle  |  0

ktbird you need to grow up some more, which is ironic given the juvenille jokes you're responding too... life, death, cancer, divorce and painful things happen everyday. you don't understand humor or coping. no one could say anything otherwise...

  jverdouw  |  0

that guy in train spotting that didn't feed his baby for weeks and when they remembered about it after they were finsihed being high it was dead and all black and it was rotting and it was disgusting. ew baby killer.

  DncrHap  |  9

oh. my. god. this one is by FAR the worst:
"What's the difference between a fridge and a baby?

A fridge doesn't scream when you put your meat in it."


anyway, OP, stuff like this happens. could have been much worse. talk with him if you're really upset, otherwise decide if you like it or not and go on from there. no biggie.


I'm with ktbird, you wouldn't or at least shouldn't go around saying jokes that could be taken offensively to everyone. It's like going up to a huge black guy and telling a lynching joke. Like kt said, everyone can read this and someone could have lost a baby recently. It is just wrong, not to mention completely irrelevant to the FML.

  brandonsdick  |  0

ehh not really gonna look up the number of the dumb fuck who told me to 'gtfo' but really lol ? you're a dumb mother fucker buddy my name doesn't mean I whip my dick out haha but hey think what you want and if it's about my dick do it up.

anyway alright people a joke is a joke so laugh or cry idc but don't go hippy on my ass because hippies are dirty. damn dirty hippies hahah. but if I offended you I am half sorry because most of you act like bitches if something isn't 'right' to the people who lost a child well you get a full sorry. So sorry. Now grow up (kbird)

  cooluc  |  0

Why'd the baby fall out of the tree?
Because it died

Why'd the other baby fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first one.

Why did the baby drop its lollypop?
Because it got hit by a fuckin truck

  Alphonsuuuu  |  0

241, they're jokes. I'm not saying they're tasteful, but I assure you: none of these people have ever shredded a baby in order to put it into ten trash cans.

It would, however, be wrong to say:

"u bitch itz ur fault ur baby dyd cuz ur a shitty momm."

  And_Jelly  |  0

My friend's baby cousin died because when he was at the babysitting place thing, one of the baby sitters accidently dropped a glass cup on the baby. Sadly, the baby didn't make it.

  LexaDear  |  0

I know a baby who died as well, I said that. I said they were sad and that we didn't mean them. they just came up in our conversation, we stopped.

and you're never going lick my ass. I'm 14, kthanbai.

  FMLoverAgain  |  7

you two could kill a baby. There is always the element of truth in every joke. If you can comtemplate such thing enough in your joke it will work it way in your mind.


Too all the people asking the baby jokes to stop, one, I'm on your side. But stop commenting.

Let the douches be douches. If you stop adding fuel to a fire, it will go out on it's own.

  LexaDear  |  0

i stopped long ago, I'm just saying that we said we didn mean it. I would never kill a baby, I heard these from other people. we said we were sorry, so everyone should stop and go along with things other than this.

  Stevefett  |  0

208- I have seen Trainspotting a million times and I believe Baby Dawn died from SIDS not starvation. Great movie. The first thing I ever saw Ewan Mcgregor in.

  Myntee  |  0

I've had this happen to me but the dick doesn't really go in. It just kind of hits and bounces off. It hurts A LOT.
If it just slipped right in with no resistance or without injuring you, I don't think you were an anal virgin to begin with.......jus sayin.
But if in fact he did get his penis all the way in, and he did injure you, then I think that would require a significant amount of force and can't really be called an accident.
So I conclude that you were raped in the ass.
You should probs not be with this guy.


Slipped, yeah, right, been there. Trust me won't b the last time. B4 u know it he'll have other not so clever lil schemes or pleas, I swear there's a handbook somewhere.

  Boygenius50  |  8

What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?

With one, you peel off the skin and eat it, and the other is a watermelon!

What's better than 4 dead babies in 1 trash can?

1 dead baby in 4 trash cans!

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a mountain of dead babies?

There's no Ferrari in my garage.

  dudeitsdanny  |  9

105 is right?
How do you slip into an asshole?
Unless his dick is like a redvine, and/or your ass is loose as hell, this doesnt happen.
You'd have felt t before it went in.


sorry but if you thrust really hard and suddenly hit a resistant area, like a asshole, your cock will bend and burst into sudden agony. ive slipped with the wife in certain positions, but never done more than knock at the back door. this slipping business is an excuse to get anal sex from someone who doesnt want it. I see it as being no different than rape.

  tsc32  |  2

you know, it's hilarious that some people actually think the bf was serious about the slip or that the op believed it. everybody knows he didn't slip so quit fighting about it

  oogyboogy  |  6

and #8 I making a duck face

  Stevefett  |  0

Also I am only so-so looking although I have dated a lot of girls but I have to get a pic on here. I've never seen so many beautiful girls say ugly guys are cute as I have on here. It's like the Twilight Zone.

  Stevefett  |  0

What's that? You
have beautiful eyes. I swear this actually happened. Total mistake. I did do anal with another girl though and it was awesome. She does it all the time now.