Love, Family and Video games: Domestic - FML

Domestic

By baberuth - 19/06/2015 22:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 749

You deserved it 4 466

Love Family Video games

Walk the line

The smell detective is on the case

You tried

By Eganstein - 24/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 862

You deserved it 2 694

By Brian - 26/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 725

You deserved it 10 419

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 364

By skatergrrrl - 15/02/2010 18:40 - United States

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 229

You deserved it 4 182

Sharing is caring

By blackrose - 08/08/2021 02:01

Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 72

By Instacreep - 20/03/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 4 361

By Adam - 24/05/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 737

You deserved it 5 421

By wtfkasey - 25/06/2015 05:30 - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 111

You deserved it 1 972

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 2 292

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 271

You deserved it 3 015

Hello? Hello?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend has narcolepsy when we were having sex and he passed out on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 447

You deserved it 4 071

By pop - 29/12/2008 01:41 - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 850

You deserved it 1 991

That's… a crime?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 05:01 - Canada

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I'm terrified of being locked in a room. He didn't believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom "for a laugh." I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 107

By pinkrazorsare4men - 16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 803

You deserved it 862

Creepy

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 09:41 - Switzerland - Ruschlikon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 994

You deserved it 4 516

Heavy sleeper

By PolarBear2020 - 27/07/2021 21:58

Today, maintenance was supposed to come in to replace my broken washer. I worked late last night until 4 AM, and then dozed off. I slept so soundly that they managed to enter the apartment, haul away the broken washer, and install the new one, all while I was fast asleep in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 162

By Ticketshame - 08/05/2019 08:00

Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 074

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 124

By Lane - 18/11/2018 14:00

Today, I made a frustrating discovery about my new bunny. He can’t stand the fan in my small studio apartment, and thumps angrily and refuses to sleep if it's on. I can’t sleep with it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 575

You deserved it 407

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 2 911

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 4 494

Scotland and its leccy bills

By ScottishSteak - 27/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 97

By hahahaha91 - 03/10/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, I woke up excited for my trip to Jamaica with my friends. We went to the airport, and I gave them my passport to check in. They gave it back. It had expired three weeks ago. I watched my friends board the plane while I'm stuck in the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 063

You deserved it 51 569

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 913

You deserved it 206

That's a new one!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 23:01

Today, I found out that the guy I was talking to for over a year, who told me he was dying from Covid, is perfectly fine and he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 107

By BooBabe - 04/06/2012 23:50 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 6 789

Trashy

By JD. - 31/01/2021 23:01

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 87

By JellitonOctopus - 25/01/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 932

You deserved it 2 644

By peaaaak - 03/06/2011 10:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 079

You deserved it 5 027

Too Much Information

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 11:02

Spicy

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I came home and was greeted by my dad telling me that he pawned my guitar for gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 690

You deserved it 2 592

By F- Forever - 03/10/2017 16:00

Today, out of spite, I wrote "Ms. Piggy" instead of my professor's actual name in the heading of my essay. Guess what I forgot to do before turning it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 4 974

Defeated

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 23:08

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 036

You deserved it 5 425

Awkward pause

By MothmanKirbaby - 10/04/2021 14:00

Today, a close friend called me to inform me of his newest relationship, and why he's kept it from me - he's been seeing his male cousin for several months and was tired of hiding it from the world. I had to keep my shock in check over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 20/02/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 337

You deserved it 57 549

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 951

You deserved it 872

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:51 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 803

Long term commitment

By Jules - 27/11/2020 07:56 - Germany

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 50

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 268

You deserved it 4 811

By ¬_¬ - 27/07/2013 22:43 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 331

You deserved it 26 539

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:39

Beating someone up with a baseball bat because they screwed you over in Mario Kart is still a valid reason in my opinion.

_Peppermint_ 34

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:39

You did the right thing

Comments

clevergirl98 20

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:38

He must be really competitive

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:51

Competitive or not, it's still fun to ram someone off the course.

WhatsMyLineAgain 8

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Saturday 20 June 2015 22:00

'Must be really competetive'? Thats how you play the game.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 18:07

more like SHES competitive for screaming over it. haha..

slingerslasher 24

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:38

Use the baseball bat on the fucking blue shells

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:39

Beating someone up with a baseball bat because they screwed you over in Mario Kart is still a valid reason in my opinion.

ScarredVox92 16

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:52

Same.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 20:03

Especially if he used a blue shell.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 20:15

or that damn banana peel

psychopolarbear 28

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Sunday 21 June 2015 0:35

"Break out the bats kids. We're playing Mario Karts." And who says video games offer no exercise? You know how much effort it takes to chase someone down with a bat?

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Sunday 21 June 2015 14:25

Rainbow Road is outside the law.

TheEpicWario 24

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Sunday 21 June 2015 22:16

Not quite as valid as it would be if it were Mario Party though.

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Monday 22 June 2015 23:13

Been ruining relationships since 1992....

christian1509 21

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:39

He been abusive before, or were just overreacting?

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Saturday 20 June 2015 20:08

Did you even try reading the FML?

_Peppermint_ 34

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:39

You did the right thing

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Saturday 20 June 2015 23:50

Yeah OP, you did good. Knowing my brother, he wouldn't have done a thing if he heard me screaming. It's nice to know there are siblings who care.

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Wednesday 24 June 2015 7:15

You would be surprised. Your brother probably cares a lot more about you than you think.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:39

At least that was it and she wasn't being physically hit. You're a good person for trying to defend your sister. Kudos to you Op.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Sunday 21 June 2015 6:09

I love this FML. I love how it's worded and I love how ready you were to take this guy down for laying a hand on your sister! You sound like one of my brothers and exactly how they would react if I was being hurt by someone. Not just fists, but a bat and the attitude of "this guy isn't coming up the stairs alive." It's cute. Good job op!

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:40

well it nice to know you care that much about your sister. not many siblings care for each other

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Saturday 20 June 2015 21:16

it's survival of the fittest.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 21:50

Its actually the other way around. Many siblings do care of each other, rarely we see some one who doesn't care of his/her brother/sister. OP keep doing what you are doing. Not yoga.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 22:37

most siblings do care about each other but while growing up its hard to see that.

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Sunday 21 June 2015 5:17

Agree with #51. The sibling arrangement is like "no one kicks my dog but me" one example is when my sister and I got in to a massive fight and wound up with black eyes and bruised egos because we stole each others clothes..... A week later, she knocked a boy out because he punched me in the arm after a vaccination

patts_ 23

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:41

Don't feel bad. You were doing a good thing.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:41

At least you were prepared!

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:43

Good for you for going down to check up on her, even if it didn't go the way you thought it would.

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Saturday 20 June 2015 19:44

And thankfully, it didn't go as you thought it had been going.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 36

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 276