Health: Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends... - FML

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Kids and their wacky crazes

Social media was a mistake

By fuckmyliiiiiiife - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

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By LDF - France

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

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By boudinette - France - Saint-martin-d'heres

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

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By SuperJesus - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

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By davy0540 - United States

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

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By StabStab - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By iwannagotomiamitoo - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

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By cjj325 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

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By gabxoxo03 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2021 02:01

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

Today, I finally told my mom that it hurts me every time she calls me fat. She got offended that I'm offended. Now our whole entire extended family wants me to say sorry to her and them, because apparently they also call me fat behind my back. I'm a size small by the way. FML

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By hellolaina - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

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By Hopper - United States

Today, I was the only carhop at work for the last 2 hours. In that time, I waited on about 50 cars. I make server pay so I depend on tips, but none of them tipped me even a penny. I averaged under $3 an hour tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

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By Zanovitch - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Porter

Dirty mind

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

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By elmoisdead2131 - 9/2/2021 14:01

Hey, well, happy birthday anyway

Today, my parents took me out to dinner. I thought they were taking me because it's my birthday. Turns out they are getting divorced. They forgot it was my birthday. FML

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By greeenbean - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

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By Boundaries - 4/2/2021 11:01

So that makes it alright?

Today, I confronted my boyfriend that I found his “hidden” Tinder profile and his horny messages between him and other girls. His response? “Babe, that was a month ago.” FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sackville

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

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By Paul - United States

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

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By Motorless

Today, after months of riding a bike through the rain, I finally saved up enough for a car. It was a little aged, but ran fine. That is, until a tire blew out, the engine stalled, and the battery died within one week. FML

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By failphone - United States

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

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By sonofmilf - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

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By DomesticPatrol - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

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By Elena - United States

Today, after having worked two jobs for months to save up for a big vacation, I came home to find my hard-earned money replaced by my boyfriend's brand new motorcycle. FML

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By elevator-troubles - Australia

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

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By juliestrawsky

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Elora

Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

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By macaroni17 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

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By ambulancedriver - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I got the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life, and then discovered I'm allergic to aloe when I went to treat the burn with some gel. FML

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By broke - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Please don't do this

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

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By Puppy problems - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

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By Anonymous - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

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By frustrated - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

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Top comments

By ohhhsnapple | 14

#4564399 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:30

If you know about it, then it's not a real fight club.

By babiebuntin | 7

#4564417 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:31

What is the name of this video...? :P

COMMENTS

By amiritelol | 3

#4564392 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:29

This is funny, amirite.net ?

By ohhhsnapple | 14

#4564399 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:30

If you know about it, then it's not a real fight club.

Reply

IphonFML | 6

#4564746 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:56

youtube link or it didn't happen. Lol

Reply

Airman1988 | 9

#4565192 - Thursday 14 June 2012 7:00

This guy is either a wimp or needs to do some abs excercises. Throwing up from a punch is a sign of a weak core, a strong core can take a hit.

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#4565420 - Thursday 14 June 2012 8:02

Mhmmmm, mhmmm, oh good point 29! Bravo! Bravo! Well done 29. You can have a whole damn Chips-Ahoy! bag.

Reply

fylx100 | 19

#4565572 - Thursday 14 June 2012 9:33

Well, is it uploaded??? Tell me where to find it!

Reply

TheEpicMilkMan | 13

#4565618 - Thursday 14 June 2012 10:24

first rule about fight club....don't speak about fight club.

Reply

wallandpiece | 16

#4566252 - Thursday 14 June 2012 16:29

So why are you speaking about it then?

Reply

TheEpicMilkMan | 13

#4566464 - Thursday 14 June 2012 18:02

oh shit I'm going to die D:

By babiebuntin | 7

#4564417 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:31

What is the name of this video...? :P

Reply

zachherbert | 10

#4565247 - Thursday 14 June 2012 7:16

"Hey, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!"

By xPhoBiuHzZz | 1

#4564439 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:34

I've done something similar, except it was to submit to tosh.0. It didn't work out.

Reply

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#4565452 - Thursday 14 June 2012 8:11

So you got your friend to falcon punch you in the gut in order to puke?

By perdix | 29

#4564470 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:36

Plus, he broke the first rule of Fight Club: Never talk about Fight Club. I wonder what kind of injuries he'll sustain now.

Reply

yahoowizard | 16

#4565628 - Thursday 14 June 2012 10:28

You just talked about Fight Club =0. You're going down.

Reply

nava1210 | 12

#4566561 - Thursday 14 June 2012 18:42

47 - so did you..
..You're both going down..

By ArielTheMermaid | 17

#4564471 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:36

So is it on YouTube yet?

By emeraldisle | 30

#4564473 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:37

Your husband is a genius.

By patrickalamo | 47

#4564477 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:38

DON'T talk about Fight Club!!!!

Reply

Collisionn | 11

#4565131 - Thursday 14 June 2012 6:51

You just broke rules 1 and 2!

By sillyjonjon | 4

#4564485 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:39

Did they get the video?

By Tezoma | 28

#4564512 - Thursday 14 June 2012 5:41

What happens in Fight Club... Winds up in the hospital. Very smooth move.