Miscellaneous: Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML - FML

By mylifeissad - 30/12/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 242

You deserved it 37 887

Walk the line

Be the hero

Landmine

By sadass - 23/01/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 916

You deserved it 8 282

By FrOsTy25 - 13/04/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 694

You deserved it 7 627

Gruesome

By AbysmalAbyss - 11/03/2021 08:04

Today, it's been seven days since I had my wisdom tooth removed, under guidance from both a doctor and a dentist to help with frequent headaches. The dentist cut open my cheek during surgery, which got infected, and now I also have dry socket. My mouth is causing me agony, and so are my headaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 53

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 500

You deserved it 17 466

By pear8head - 08/08/2009 16:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 156

You deserved it 5 876

By Karie-Rose - 06/02/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 5 709

Heavy load

By w…… - 28/04/2021 23:01

Today, I was getting ready for work. When I stepped back, my ankle rolled and my fat ass landed on it with my foot sideways under me. Now I’m in a boot for 6 weeks and have 6 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 135

Don't follow by example

By scooterbyrd - 31/08/2020 02:01

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 112

By inpuredeceit - 17/03/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my boss's office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 799

You deserved it 3 104

By lovekills99 - 19/01/2009 17:59 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 613

You deserved it 4 244

By BroadcitySF - 28/02/2016 03:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 477

You deserved it 1 611

By nofriends - 27/08/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 693

You deserved it 8 257

By Mojo_Jojo - 13/06/2009 11:01 - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 921

You deserved it 6 654

By cat lady - 07/01/2016 03:38 - United States - Netcong

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 709

You deserved it 2 008

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 569

You deserved it 2 360

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 19:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 43 440

By Nic - 13/09/2016 20:16 - United States - Orlando

Today, for the first time in months, a potential employer was willing to give me a job. On my way out of the interview, I tripped over and broke a 1000 dollar glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 006

You deserved it 1 135

By Jes - 28/06/2016 00:44

Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 850

You deserved it 1 115

By VCDUDE11FTW - 25/12/2014 09:13 - United States - Lewis Center

Spicy

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 526

You deserved it 16 265

By hell no! - 25/07/2019 04:00

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 162

By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 270

You deserved it 35 942

By hungry - 15/08/2016 03:03 - United States - Waverly

Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 943

You deserved it 2 183

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 762

By skid kid - 10/03/2012 02:09 - Canada

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 800

You deserved it 6 588

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 05:23 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 462

You deserved it 6 343

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 704

You deserved it 4 863

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 516

You deserved it 24 215

By superjstorm - 13/09/2009 14:00 - Philippines

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 850

You deserved it 9 670

By pissfaced - 02/01/2010 13:41 - New Zealand

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 73 259

By mommy - 17/11/2010 12:09 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 235

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 260

You deserved it 2 568

By me - 04/02/2012 19:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 5 965

Missing out

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 00:02

Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 17:24

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 880

You deserved it 50 128

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 22:46 - Switzerland

Today, my boss and I were bragging about our new phones. I unlocked mine to show its awesome display, and accidentally opened a job search app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 728

You deserved it 7 325

By anonymous - 22/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 750

You deserved it 6 854

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 715

You deserved it 7 634

By cs - 13/02/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 4 969

By Brandy_Dandy78 - 12/06/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 5 795

By Anonymous - 23/09/2014 16:30 - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 069

You deserved it 2 780

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CinderChicken 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:49

Clearly, the OP hit enter before they finished typing. I imagine the whole thing would read: "Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet, because my jaw got wired shut and I need the specific vitamins in mangos to survive. Turns out, the only way to absorb them is to now use my whole mango as a suppository. FML." -or something to that effect. :D

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:09

This is a lame fml to approve. Just slightly.

Comments

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:06

Heh...I found out how to eat one of those when I was 5 :P Sorry your so dumb OP, FYL

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:15

To the lovely #1... It's "you're so dumb OP"... not "your" lolz

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:21

Nice one shelboo XD good catch

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:08

...Really? Umm.. Why would you buy something you can't eat? Did you even know what it was when you bought it?

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:09

This is a lame fml to approve. Just slightly.

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:09

not an fml.

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:10

So.....?

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:16

Really?... Really?? THAT'S your fml? ugh

alexandraa_fml 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:18

You sure know how to make a man go.. *nyuk nyuk nyuk*

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:21

-_- talaga??? (that's my filipino side saying REALLY??)

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:29

Im still waiting for the FML...........

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:46

The FML is that they're just that pathetic. If they are indeed that pathetic as to where they can't figure out how to eat a mango on their own, their life is fucked, for probably forever.

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 9:30

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the Internet. MLIA. xD

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 862

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 1 073