Work: Today, I had been working at the checkout for over 5 hours. Slighty...

By Pop_Pies - 03/09/2009 13:27 - Australia

Today, I had been working at the checkout for over 5 hours. Slighty tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink, he smiled and winked back. When I finished work 2 hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 985

You deserved it 4 140

Work

Dysfunctional

Deception

Preventive measures

Never forget

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 09:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up and went down to the park for a walk. I later realized I'd forgotten to bring the house keys with me, so I got stuck waiting until somebody opened the door for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 336

By wellgreat - 14/04/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I was in the Student Union when a man a came up to me and asked if I wanted to be in a study to see how men acted differently when working with attractive women. Flattered and taken aback, I agreed. He then told me I would be part of the control group to see how they act around plain looking women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 435

You deserved it 6 479

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 751

You deserved it 5 651

By nomwar - 17/06/2013 13:55 - United States

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 065

You deserved it 14 844

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 069

You deserved it 9 023

Selfish

By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 2 608

By birchbeer - 11/05/2015 19:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 445

You deserved it 2 430

By Turbo - 17/06/2019 02:23

Today, as a truck driver, I was flipped off, cursed at, told to go to hell and several other obscenities because I was a half-hour EARLY to my delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 146

By anonymous - 04/12/2010 12:03 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 911

You deserved it 6 001

By cAPITOLpORN - 23/06/2015 15:57 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 200

You deserved it 2 200

By jackskellington - 11/02/2015 04:34 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 886

You deserved it 2 827

Issues

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 145

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 855

You deserved it 4 570

By "refines" - 23/09/2017 16:00

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 801

By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - 04/06/2012 20:34 - United States - Geneva

Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 4 473

By Anonymous - 21/05/2014 16:05 - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 796

You deserved it 4 358

Nightmare Fuel

By anon - 01/06/2018 01:30

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 567

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 07/12/2013 07:17 - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 482

You deserved it 6 928

By Sarah - 10/03/2009 17:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 836

You deserved it 29 803

These boots are made for walking

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 05:01

Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 298

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 613

You deserved it 58 092

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 22:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 3 020

By etmerda - 12/07/2012 10:31 - United States

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 073

You deserved it 4 682

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 234

You deserved it 3 891

By gracelynn980765 - 27/06/2019 12:30

Today, it was the third time in a row someone has lost a boner inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 440

You deserved it 588

By Questions - 12/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 471

You deserved it 493

By Virginiedetibo - 22/10/2011 02:09 - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 663

You deserved it 51 346

By noeducation - 27/08/2009 09:16 - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 298

You deserved it 3 012

By newscomes - 14/10/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 546

You deserved it 3 554

By raspberrysachere - 03/06/2019 16:00

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 215

The Breeders

By no spank - 11/08/2020 20:01

Today, my family once again mocked and insulted me for being the only one to not spank my kids. Apparently, they’ll grow up entitled and in prison if I don’t. Odd, seeing as my kids are 10 times better behaved than their kids, who get spanked on a regular. Ah well, here’s to hitting kids I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 14/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got to wake up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "U got competition." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 979

You deserved it 173

Weight Watchers

By jjgirl - 01/11/2020 05:02

Today, I proudly announced to my mother that I would cut down on sugar. Without missing a beat, her response was, “Out. You need to cut it out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 299

Nice guy

By LucklessNiceGuy - 05/12/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 452

You deserved it 43 742

By SharpeOne - 28/12/2010 06:54

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 464

You deserved it 2 555

By PoachedFish - 29/12/2009 10:57 - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 267

You deserved it 3 044

And you like him why exactly?

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, the guy I like happened to be munching on biscuits while he was talking to me. The biscuit crumbs were literally falling out of his mouth like a waterfall as he was speaking and munching. The crumbs were landing in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 250

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 921

You deserved it 22 761

By Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 207

By wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 426

You deserved it 7 191

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Top comments

cldkckr 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:19

Uh, if you see someone outside waiting for you like that then you shouldn't walk to your car. Turn around, go back into where there are people, and call security. Once he knows what your car looks like, he can follow you home, which poses a whole other set of dangers.

randomdude1234 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:03

Creeper!

randomdude1234 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:03

Creeper!

twitchy315 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 1:17

hey, i have tourette syndrom... it makes me twitch (look at my name) you don't know how many times i got slapped for twitching my eye.

bobnorris 0

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Tuesday 22 June 2010 17:09

If you are a dude, beat the shit out of him. If you are a chick, beat the shit out of him, kill him, dump his body in a lake, and then press charges on his corpse... you'll win because our courts are fucked up, just hope he was rich.

azn_pridee69 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 22:06

was he hot?

newburton13 26

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Sunday 26 February 2012 16:58

You are my hero.

johnny_doe 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:03

Too bad this story didn't have a happy ending.

bskballa92 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 22:47

That's it kcool1, feed the troll....

breezybree 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 1:44

lmao

Sparkey 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:03

Well, at least he knows where you work..

22jrdn55 15

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:04

YDI for giving off wrong impressions!! whore

kcool1 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 21:21

she didn't do it on purpose, can you not read, it said 'accidentally twitched'

bskballa92 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 22:44

Ya burn the witch!

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:08

Can you say creep!

skyttlz 32

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:01

Creep

spillproof 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:09

Aw how sweet. So, when is the wedding?

chellinha93 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:17

he seems nice... always smiling. that's hard to get. You u got a catch right there.

DeathShad0 1

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:18

That was awesome. You should give him your address.

cldkckr 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:19

kukopia 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 22:09

I kinda luv this one. She winks at him (unintentionally, but he has no way of knowing that) and most of the comments here are that HE's a creeper. It was a mis-understanding. Something out of a romance or tragic-comedy story, depending on how things go. Maybe it was fate and they're meant to be together. It'd be a great story for the kids and grandkids. Maybe she should have been frank with him, and gone back into the store if he kept following her as she walked into the parking lot. Maybe he'd like to be with Frank, but doesn't have the courage to follow Frank to his car...