Work: Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for...

By Marie - 08/06/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 356

You deserved it 4 773

Work

Vulture

Walk the line

Ungeeked

By lame - 31/12/2009 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 371

You deserved it 21 949

By Username - 11/08/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 15 214

What?

By Patrick - 29/10/2020 03:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Couva

Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 72

By ceetee - 26/07/2011 13:35 - Australia

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 460

You deserved it 3 423

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 201

By malos - 12/08/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 327

You deserved it 47 486

By Karl - 21/02/2011 11:43

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 672

You deserved it 5 948

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 440

You deserved it 4 921

By yeah... - 22/01/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 721

You deserved it 2 219

Sorry Nana

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I skipped out on my grandmother's 70th birthday party. I'm autistic, and I have a hearing disorder that significantly enhances my hearing to a painful extent, so I couldn't tolerate how noisy it was. Now, my grandmother thinks I hate her because I put my mental health first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 226

Stay in school, kids...

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 01:30

Today, my son told me he got a tattoo to honour our German heritage. The bloody fool got an eagle and swastika on his arm. I had to explain to a 20-year-old what WWII was. He’s now researching laser removal. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 585

You deserved it 1 271

By neverunderstood - 02/12/2016 12:39 - Italy - San Pietro In Casale

Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway beetween our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 370

You deserved it 1 400

By clo_bo - 30/08/2019 20:00

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 179

By constantine - 04/02/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I didn't feel wanted. Then she talked about how her cat puked on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 3 424

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 14:38 - United States - Seattle

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 318

You deserved it 4 425

By Bisounours - 22/07/2011 11:23 - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 764

You deserved it 1 402

By facepalm - 18/11/2015 15:42 - United States

Today, my brother called me a clueless idiot after I told him that odometers measure distance traveled, not a person's body odor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 651

You deserved it 1 806

By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/08/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 245

No future

By singlegirl - 27/11/2009 18:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 3 099

By Noname - 08/03/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 881

You deserved it 14 195

By L.Lime05 - 08/08/2010 23:27 - United States

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 865

You deserved it 3 803

By Rejected - 03/10/2016 16:00 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 643

You deserved it 1 260

By drfrogpepper - 01/01/2011 23:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 998

You deserved it 3 591

Monday Morning Blues

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 14:00

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 134

Beep beep

By Arachnofail - 08/04/2016 04:16 - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 205

You deserved it 4 474

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 22:26 - United States - Irving

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 2 390

By Ashley - 07/10/2013 06:11 - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 221

You deserved it 8 055

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 2 456

By RightInTheFace - 12/09/2015 16:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 492

You deserved it 1 870

By sarahmoon - 05/05/2018 01:30

Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 507

You deserved it 513

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 413

You deserved it 3 251

Neighbours from hell

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 17:01

Today, despite not having noisy kids, barking dogs or do I play loud music, yet apparently I still cause enough noise by walking around and watching TV that the neighbours called the cops with a noise complaint. The cops actually came. Since when is living quietly in my own home a police matter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 93

By Shadyblood - 15/08/2009 04:32 - Puerto Rico

Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 938

You deserved it 4 423

Bad boy

By feelgood - 29/07/2013 05:08 - United States

Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 499

You deserved it 6 747

By josh - 19/09/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 15 260

By blackvogue - 01/04/2009 10:42 - Canada

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 400

You deserved it 167 853

By Anonymous - 27/04/2014 17:05 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 817

You deserved it 8 040

By hopeless - 06/07/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 787

You deserved it 6 988

By Anonymous - 19/02/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 323

You deserved it 4 242

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 98

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danplusplus 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:22

You've got red on you.

blameyourself 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:22

Maybe you shouldn't snort?

blameyourself 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:22

Maybe you shouldn't snort?

NuTrees 9

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Thursday 8 December 2011 6:26

Oh come on it was a polite snort.

vehementbitch 4

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Sunday 30 June 2013 5:31

Op shouldve just giggled or something...

danplusplus 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:22

You've got red on you.

dammn 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:22

LOL , awwwww .

DangerousBabee 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:22

3rd! :D

shawnarawwwrr 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:24

THAT IS SO AWKWARD ^^^ you fail.

Stephai 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:24

O_O That's gross... I feel bad for you. Hopefully he'll look past the incident and focus on your talent?

nwc020 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:25

#4 fails

sparda4355 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:26

Awesome! Sniffle, walk away... He'll NEVER KNOW who did it! :)

Gabby125 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:26

Something like this happened to me before, except it was an all white outfit I was trying on at Dillard's for a party that night. Got blood aaaaalllllll over it, and had to pay for it. Eff both of our lives.

Button_x 0

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Monday 8 June 2009 23:26

Oh jeeze I remember moderating this one too. XD That would suck. In anime, getting a nosebleed means you're aroused! :D >_> I don't see how that would help the situation any though.