By Best-stuf-on-Earth - United States
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
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  Bucinka  |  5

Ignorant comment. Ever been to a dermatologist? Their job is caring for SKIN. All over the body. (And nails, as it happens) Do you really think melanoma cares where it shows up?

  AndelleRae  |  9

Have you ever seen someone suction a cup or a glass or anything around their mouth? It's the same basic principle.

The bottle is air tight. As he's going to town on it, his penis is going to swell a bit, and the thrusting and whatnot will cause suction.

Women back in the day had problems like this too because they used glass coke bottles to masturbate with. They'd usually have to go to the emergency room and get them removed because it involved the shattering of the bottle. Scary stuff.

OP: Next time, just spring for one of those "pocket pussy" things you can get at sex toy shops.


The size of the snapple bottle aside, I think you posted the wrong fml. It shoud have begun, "Today I got my penis stuck in a snapple bottle. Guess how... FML" or something like that...

  RissaRoo  |  0

You coulda just said it was a bruise... Didn't have to say how you got it, and if the doc asked, just say rough sex or something!!! Sorry, to hear about your unfortunate event!!!

By  8trickster8  |  0

Couldn't you have just lied? Or at least said, "Oh, it's just a bruise, nothing to worry about." I think they would respect you not wanting to explain it in detail.

  intotheblue  |  0

... or an easy female online who will have sex with you out of pity.

God that's creepy.

Anyway YDI, and #9 is right, you could've been a bit more vague than that, and spared both you and them the awkwardness.