By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks 18 321
You deserved it 43 373

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I guess he wanted to try the one-eyed pirate with you.

At least he tried?


I guess he wanted to try the one-eyed pirate with you.

Wooo! You lucky woman you! I guess he wants that "booty"

Defiantly looked pretty good, too.

I just watched that movie

Well was that spontaneous enough for you, wench?

I'm surprised no one has asked what the "one-eyed pirate" is yet. I think it's sort of...bad that I know.

Miss kendall, the one I believe your thinking of is 'angry pirate' although now that I think of it one-eyed pirate would be similar, she would still need the peg leg though, our else it's just blind wench

Um thats not even how you spell "definitely"

All she said was spontaneous, meaning it was left to interpretation. Shouldn't be surprised when it doesn't come out the way you want. Next time, don't be vague.

Sorry I just got a bit into the spirit of assholishness on FML I hate autocorrect too

Lol well he would also need the hook to do that.

The first to thumbs up noor, thats much more prestigious than the first comment.

#18, I've never hired a hooker, partly because I was never 100% sure of what they do. Now that you've made it clear to me, I'm definitely not doing that!!!!

That would slice up things alright

At least he tried?

Exactly!! Beggers can't be choosers!

If you were in a Scooby Doo movie, you would play the Jeepers Creepers guy. (;

Edit: If he was in a Scooby Doo movie, he would play the Jeepers Creepers guy. (; @OP

Love the picture, 4. Benedict Cumberbatch is awesome. And the British Sherlock Holmes series is beautiful.

4, exactly! I would have laughed my ass off and still go along with it. Original Poster needs to thank her boyfriend somehow ;-).

*meant "husband," before the FML commenters hound on me :-).

4- At least he tried AND she didn't have to spend the night responding to "Fluttershy", like a previous Op who requested the same thing from her hubby. ;P

Avast, ye best be obeyin' yar cap'ns commands, lest he force ye to walk the plank.

Walk the wank or wank the plank, I prefer she be the maid on my prow, the harbor to my seamen, ect.

Way too spontaneous?

I see no problem... He did exactly what she asked.

62- "Be more spontanteous." "I have an eyepatch fetish/I think we should roleplay/Be the pirate captain to my fair maiden." I see where he got the idea, honestly, but I would not call the two ideas exactly the same. That said, I wouldn't object to my OH calling me a wench in the boudoir but that doesn't mean the OP feels the same way!

That's a nice way to set the mood.

Hey message me :)

At least he didn't come in dressed as dog asking to rub his belly!

At least he didn't come in dressed as dog asking to rub his belly!

That was funny and spontaneous . It's not an FML at all

Did you ride his plank?

I laughed rather loudly at this on the train, got a few judging looks. Thanks for the giggles and making me look like a nutter!

You just set captain jack sparrow loose, maitte.

Matey, I give your husband 5 stars for effort. End result? Closer to 2 stars. ;P

I see no problem here...