Intimacy: Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting... - FML

By poorpony

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

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Late term

Vulture

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

By MrG - United States

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

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By igotpride - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

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By Vomitoid

Welcome to the Splash Zone!

Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML

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By Shinobi_3 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

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By crybaby - United States - Elmont

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2021 20:01

When pranking goes too far

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Omaha

Don't do drugs, kids

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

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By peaaaak - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

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By unbelievable - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

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By ambled - United States

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

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By so scared - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

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By clayton - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

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By xxccruzxx - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

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By Eyefreshener - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

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By LostSoul

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

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By dane - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

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By IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo - United States - Beaverton

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four ½ hours of work wasted. FML

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By Awkward - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

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By niquey62307 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

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By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

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By JessP - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

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By Casey - 18/3/2021 11:01

I'm not a monster, I'm a human being

Today, on vacation my wife asked if I wanted her to take my picture. I realized it was the first time in our 10 years she had asked me that question. Moments later I realized it's the first time in my life that anyone's ever asked me that. FML

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By Bec99

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

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By Mr. Sniffles - United States - Hamilton

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

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By smellyhouse - Canada

Today, my brother decided deodorant causes cancer. He goes to the gym every day. FML

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By LadySteph12 - Canada

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

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By Crying

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

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By dickhead - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

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By sadphonegirl - Canada - Brampton

Today, I remember that I changed my phone lock password when I was still half asleep this morning, but I don't remember what I changed it to. FML

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By Justanotherwreck

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

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By oshitdonotwant - United States

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Northridge

No kinkshaming here

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Randallstown

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

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By cman - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

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Top comments

By rodfergie | 18

#7730132 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:09

And? Which one did you pick?

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7730142 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:51

You can always say no, that you are not comfortable or don't care. You allowed yourself to be dragged into the conversation.

COMMENTS

By rodfergie | 18

#7730132 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:09

And? Which one did you pick?

By manb91uk | 22

#7730140 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:44

I would have said... "Go for the Satan outfit and I'll join in with my 24 inch strap on"

Watch the colour drain or excitement bloom 😂

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7730142 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:51

You can always say no, that you are not comfortable or don't care. You allowed yourself to be dragged into the conversation.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7730161 - Thursday 29 November 2018 15:19

Dammit, the answer is so obvious!

You should have said AppleJack and been done with it! In the MLP world, whatever the question is, the answer is AppleJack.

Why is this so hard for you people?

Reply

Seamus Delaney | 6

#7957027 - Wednesday 9 December 2020 20:04

Naw. Princess Luna, if going with. canon characters. If adding the fandom names, then if course Derpy Hooves, hooves-down!

By Zekfen | 17

#7730197 - Thursday 29 November 2018 17:07

Was the woman the wife who got married two years ago?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7730211 - Thursday 29 November 2018 17:45

Why didn't you tell them to leave you alone? Or get out of the elevator and wait for another one? There are plenty of topics you don't have to make polite conversation about, and a stranger fucking her brony boyfriend is one of them.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7730215 - Thursday 29 November 2018 17:50

My Little Pony: Sexual Roleplay is Magic.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7730237 - Thursday 29 November 2018 18:28

Whatever happened to the classic gimp suit?

By chosha_fml | 25

#7730257 - Thursday 29 November 2018 19:23

I’m guessing the awkward sex conversation with a stranger is their actual turn on and not the roleplay itself. Or maybe both.

Reply

Marjo86 | 29

#7730331 - Thursday 29 November 2018 23:24

I came here to say the same. It's probably their kink to "fight' and get strangers into their conversations.

By Stan_The_Man | 7

#7730341 - Friday 30 November 2018 0:46

Are you sure it wasn’t a subtle swinger invite?