Intimacy: Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting... - FML

By poorpony

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

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The ole answer/forward conundrum

Sounds lovely

Time for the ER

By Anonymous - United States - Mission

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

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By drano - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

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By howard1954 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They reacted by simply lecturing me for an hour about how much he'll ruin my life and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2020 19:00

I don't care

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

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By vikhelios - France

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

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By Dave B - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - La Grange

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

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By K-Rat - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

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By Anna - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

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By aelia_oups - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

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By rybread - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

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By failure as a parent - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

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By WhoaThere - United States

Today, a cute guy asked for my phone number and I gladly gave it to him. I was feeling really good about myself for getting hit on by the star football player. That was until he called 8 times and left 5 messages. In 2 hours. FML

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By Ugh

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. She drove while texting someone then stopped at a house and told me to wait in the car. She left her phone so I looked at the last text and it says "I'm here for the quicky". Our "date" was a decoy to throw her mom off so she could sleep with another guy. FML

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By StickyWicket

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

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By twoface_chick - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

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By WiredUp - 21/8/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

The struggle is real

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

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By freckle82 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

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By Our Talisman - France

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

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By moon_paw - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

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By Told_You_So - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

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By Unemployed - United States

Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML

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By minustoenail - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

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By Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

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By birdguts - United Kingdom

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

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By what. - 4/5/2020 17:00

Tunnel vision

Today, my boyfriend said that no, I'm not allowed to get glasses and then accused me of wanting to see other men. No, I just want to see. FML

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By Tom Ali - United States

Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML

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By gloria77 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

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By illenram06 - Philippines

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

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By thebickster - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

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By JCC - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

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By Homeless - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

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By LaRae17 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

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By MessedXUp - United States

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

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By GeeTwo - United States

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

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Top comments

By rodfergie | 18

#7730132 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:09

And? Which one did you pick?

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7730142 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:51

You can always say no, that you are not comfortable or don't care. You allowed yourself to be dragged into the conversation.

COMMENTS

By rodfergie | 18

#7730132 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:09

And? Which one did you pick?

By manb91uk | 22

#7730140 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:44

I would have said... "Go for the Satan outfit and I'll join in with my 24 inch strap on"

Watch the colour drain or excitement bloom 😂

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7730142 - Thursday 29 November 2018 14:51

You can always say no, that you are not comfortable or don't care. You allowed yourself to be dragged into the conversation.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7730161 - Thursday 29 November 2018 15:19

Dammit, the answer is so obvious!

You should have said AppleJack and been done with it! In the MLP world, whatever the question is, the answer is AppleJack.

Why is this so hard for you people?

Reply

Seamus Delaney | 6

#7957027 - Wednesday 9 December 2020 20:04

Naw. Princess Luna, if going with. canon characters. If adding the fandom names, then if course Derpy Hooves, hooves-down!

By Zekfen | 17

#7730197 - Thursday 29 November 2018 17:07

Was the woman the wife who got married two years ago?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7730211 - Thursday 29 November 2018 17:45

Why didn't you tell them to leave you alone? Or get out of the elevator and wait for another one? There are plenty of topics you don't have to make polite conversation about, and a stranger fucking her brony boyfriend is one of them.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7730215 - Thursday 29 November 2018 17:50

My Little Pony: Sexual Roleplay is Magic.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7730237 - Thursday 29 November 2018 18:28

Whatever happened to the classic gimp suit?

By chosha_fml | 25

#7730257 - Thursday 29 November 2018 19:23

I’m guessing the awkward sex conversation with a stranger is their actual turn on and not the roleplay itself. Or maybe both.

Reply

Marjo86 | 29

#7730331 - Thursday 29 November 2018 23:24

I came here to say the same. It's probably their kink to "fight' and get strangers into their conversations.

By Stan_The_Man | 7

#7730341 - Friday 30 November 2018 0:46

Are you sure it wasn’t a subtle swinger invite?