By Firstborn - Canada - Halifax
Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
  Jennifer Hardy  |  11

tell them

By  Kiticakes  |  4

They're gonna end up with him worse off or dead if they keep that up.

By  GhostFox  |  33

A lot of parents that have children with addictions or risk taking behavior become overly strict towards the other child(even) in the house in an unhealthy attempt to feel like they have control. It's "safer" to yell at a largely rule-abiding child than once that displays erratic behavior and has no morals, ethics, or respect for their parents.

Unfortunately, chances are that they will never outgrow their selective punishing and that you will be better off saving up to move out. If you can a bank account or lockbox to put your money in, in order to keep your brother out of it, do that. Ask if there's a way to prevent your parents from accessing it, and if there is, do that too.

By  thebundu  |  4

I am sorry to burst your bubble, but while the stealing is a major problem for sure, the tone is also a problem, and it is not serving your purposes.

The tone changes the message. We humans only rely on the actual dictionary meaning of words for only 7% of the message; the rest is the tone and body language.

A poor tone can change your message from, for example, "I have this problem of having my money stolen and would like your help and collaboration because it does not work for me; it makes me very upset" to a judgmental one, of, for example "I think you are incompetent and are irresponsible, and are bad at your skills of parenting, and I look down on you". The former can hopefully elicit a collaborative finding of a solution, and the latter can make the listeners feel threatened, defensive, and uncooperative. This sample difference in the message received can often be about HOW one speaks as opposed to WHAT one says/is trying to say.

Try talking to them calmly, when you are calm. And express what you are feeling in kinder words, and get them to see your issue.

  Danne696  |  14

I mean, if you want to be particular about it then just mentioning tone, body language and the actual meaning of the words aren't the only things that matter. For example, the parents frame of reference to the words spoken changes the meaning for them individually and their mood when confronted matters as well.

The problem with applying psychology to individuals is that there are so many factors that are impossible to know that you're never going to be certain of how a person is going to react.

If OP spoke calmly and reasonably stated what she meant to her parents they might as well feel that she was patronizing them like they didn't even understand what the problem was which would also lead to a fight.

By  CrazyTrainWreck  |  19

Seems to be a common thing with us firstborn's. My youngest sister is 21 still lives with our parents. When I turned 18 I had to move out ASAP.

I am the only one of their kids married and with a successful career yet I'm treated as a failure.


There is nothing in his post saying that marriage is a sign of success. Perhaps you should learn to read BEFORE you post a snarky reply!?
From his message "I am the only one of their kids married and with a successful career yet I'm treated as a failure. "

By  readingrachel  |  9

They probably know and are really upset by his drug problem but at the same time they might think that you're the child who's good so you deserve all of their attention and "lessons" since you are the most reasonable.