Work: Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor...

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 03:00

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 3 621

Work

Dysfunctional

Can't handle it

Who's that?

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 061

You deserved it 38 724

By tee - 06/04/2015 20:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 250

You deserved it 1 946

By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 05:58 - Canada

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 964

You deserved it 8 962

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 123

You deserved it 8 711

By adogg18 - 29/05/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 209

You deserved it 15 377

Alexa, play "Policy of Truth" by Depeche Mode

By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 05/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 568

You deserved it 76 492

By MomOfBoys - 22/12/2016 21:20

Today, it's early-release before Christmas break for the kiddos, and my awesome-sauce boss let them hang out in our law office for the afternoon. So far, one has puked in the conference room, and the other has clogged the toilet. Only 2 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 744

You deserved it 807

By clothesthief - 03/04/2015 10:44 - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 3 909

By J-Sauce - 22/02/2016 23:32 - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, a girl I like asked me to a concert, saying she had an extra ticket. I ended up being the third wheel with her and her boyfriend. Had to pay $60 for the ticket too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 432

You deserved it 2 200

By Sola - 11/05/2011 04:10

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 082

You deserved it 5 039

By George - 15/01/2013 20:53 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 468

You deserved it 46 590

By FMLPLZ - 03/01/2014 02:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 9 171

By CallmeEddie - 14/11/2013 16:44 - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 820

You deserved it 4 892

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 102

You deserved it 8 253

By thinkimquitting - 25/06/2012 21:49 - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 944

You deserved it 2 560

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 105

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 993

You deserved it 3 808

By Sarah - 12/06/2012 16:59 - United States - Pipersville

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 772

You deserved it 2 791

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 373

You deserved it 1 885

By nokeys - 02/04/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 743

You deserved it 58 988

BFF for life

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 119

By AwesomePGnarles - 13/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 673

You deserved it 44 413

Goodbye, 7 years of sobriety...

By Mash-brakketz - 25/10/2017 22:26

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseous even though I went out for air constantly. I had a meltdown and was sent home. I'm still high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 263

You deserved it 266

By ksgirl - 12/09/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 032

By apowell5 - 02/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 559

You deserved it 40 488

By LasagnaRawks - 09/11/2009 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 901

You deserved it 3 107

Caught

By EllaElle - 04/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 2 894

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 20:00

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 240

By TallGal - 14/09/2012 08:26 - United States - Tucson

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 755

You deserved it 14 237

By single pringle - 05/11/2014 01:16 - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 838

You deserved it 4 412

By ididntdoanythingaight - 02/08/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, I got engaged to my boyfriend of three years. I made the announcement on my status on facebook so people would congratulate me. The only response I got about my engagement was from a girl I knew saying; "Umm, he didn't tell you he was cheating on you for three years with me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 071

You deserved it 6 122

By greatly disturbed - 07/03/2015 19:09 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 4 354

The cliché is true

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 558

You deserved it 64 733

By rejecteddd - 04/07/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 870

You deserved it 5 063

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 073

You deserved it 32 149

Tinder Surprise

By betrayed - 19/07/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 514

You deserved it 6 445

By Janet - 10/03/2009 13:02 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 013

You deserved it 3 144

By ouch - 09/08/2009 01:56 - Brazil

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 049

You deserved it 3 387

Almost there

By Anonymous - 22/04/2020 14:03

Today, I discovered that my contract start date is exactly 2 days outside of the furlough date. Meaning instead of taking 80% of my salary, I'm only getting 40% (thanks to the company). This would be fine if I hadn't just moved countries to get this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 155

By CandyMachine - 16/02/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 9 811

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Top comments

inappropes 31

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Thursday 13 December 2018 3:05

Yeah. sleeping with higher ups at work. I'd fire your ass just for that. everytime I have seen that happen nothing good comes from it. and usually the lower person uses that influence for no good.

tounces7 27

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Thursday 13 December 2018 4:19

Well I'm sure you'll climb to the top of that company ladder pretty fast. All it cost you was your dignity, integrity, and any sort of respect from your co-workers.

inappropes 31

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Thursday 13 December 2018 3:05

Yeah. sleeping with higher ups at work. I'd fire your ass just for that. everytime I have seen that happen nothing good comes from it. and usually the lower person uses that influence for no good.

raven_of_azarath 34

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Thursday 13 December 2018 3:53

I’ve been the higher up, and nothing came of it at work. We just acted like nothing happened. He ended up being fired later for unrelated reasons.

inappropes 31

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Thursday 13 December 2018 3:56

that's good. you didn't act unprofessional. not everyone is as good lol. there usually are rules about this kind of thing for a reason. it can get very messy very fast.

bass_ftp 12

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Thursday 13 December 2018 14:50

Yeah and the higher-up is a saint, right? There is absolutely no power abuse there. Either fire both or none.

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Saturday 15 December 2018 10:15

Orrrrrr they could've just wanted some fun and not been thinking about work 💁🏼

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 13 December 2018 3:31

Now, you’re untouchable. You can do anything you want at work and your supervisor just has to suck it, provided his boss agrees that you’re good at...y’know..,

ohsnapword 21

Thursday 13 December 2018 3:35

Ah, but first, she had to suck it.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 13 December 2018 5:07

That's what I was implying with the "y'know."

wanted_2_want 40

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Thursday 13 December 2018 8:23

She already did

tounces7 27

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Thursday 13 December 2018 4:19

Well I'm sure you'll climb to the top of that company ladder pretty fast. All it cost you was your dignity, integrity, and any sort of respect from your co-workers.

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Saturday 15 December 2018 10:15

Lol get over yourself 😂😂

acmariner99 25

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Thursday 13 December 2018 4:30

Brings all new meeting err meaning to “business or pleasure”

whiskey'swino 15

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Thursday 13 December 2018 5:28

If you want to have a dalliance with management at least be discrete, not super loud. No body wants to hear it. And it makes for a more entertaining story when/ if the Supervisor tells others.

GUYMAINE 16

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Thursday 13 December 2018 6:54

Whoreporate affairs!

A Frenchy in Eire 31

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Thursday 13 December 2018 9:35

Don't screw your crew!

Cz22mv 14

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Thursday 13 December 2018 10:00

Why share this? Are you proud of sleeping with your boss’s boss? Are you ashamed of him knowing? What exactly was the FML part of this?

alycion 38

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Thursday 13 December 2018 11:01

Loud sex in a hotel is like a loud cell phone user in a restaurant. Nobody wants to hear your business.

Jerry Leberer 12

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Thursday 13 December 2018 13:52

so, you make it a point to sleep with your bosses? that's bright. yes, all of FML is judging you because that's extremely unprofessional and you very well can and probably will be fired for it at some point in time