Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners'...

By outofajob - 1/1/2015 23:03 - United States - Farmington

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

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Work

Everyone's an expert

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Compassion

By Clive81 - 17/2/2015 20:02 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2013 20:01 - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

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By sqquish - 1/3/2016 18:48 - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

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By jobless - 30/4/2012 13:28 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview as it was taking place over the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2013 15:55 - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

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By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/9/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

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By turriblebday - 17/12/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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By Crapper. - 16/9/2016 20:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2015 17:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

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By Kitkat - 2/5/2020 14:00

Experts, schmexperts

Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML

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By lululee53 - 31/12/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2013 21:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

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By geekyteendisaster - 25/9/2018 07:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, my crush finally asked me to homecoming. I told my best friend, thinking she would be happy for me. Now we are in a big argument and she won't talk to me because I have a date and she doesn't. FML

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By TaffyMichele - 13/9/2012 23:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

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By emie0209 - 11/4/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2015 17:19 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

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By cheated - 8/7/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

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By IncompatibleMetier - 9/10/2014 23:07 - France

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

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By diggingaplotforone - 11/8/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

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By poop - 8/1/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

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By seb21 - 9/2/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2011 05:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2013 20:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

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By nobieb - 20/8/2013 16:28 - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

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By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - 26/8/2016 18:17 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

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By OompaLoompa - 18/6/2009 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2013 22:46 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

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By Ben - 21/8/2009 21:28 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

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By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I am partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

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By Klamp18 - 20/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

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By ihateoldmagazines - 27/1/2011 21:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML

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By meh - 4/1/2010 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

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Top comments

By patrickeli | 15

#6160607 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:41

Some business owners aren't meant for business

By ihartmytdi | 23

#6160618 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:47

People rarely see the positive side in constructive criticism. Most just dwell on negativity without giving notice to the potential for change.

Comments

By patrickeli | 15

#6160607 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:41

Some business owners aren't meant for business

By coming back in the future | 30

#6160608 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:41

Good riddance. Although you might have trouble finding a new job.

By ThoranSlock | 13

#6160609 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:41

I don't get it?

Purexinsanity | 46

#6160786 - Friday 2 January 2015 15:57

The owner runs a business where his employees quit often, so at his request, OP explained what might be the problem. The owner took it personally and fired OP.

TacoTrop | 10

#6160993 - Friday 2 January 2015 21:20

Maybe it's because you're way too young for FML?

AyOoDaLoBo33 | 10

#6161012 - Friday 2 January 2015 21:45

#20 I think OP was actually a customer at this place, and when the he gave the owners customer feedback they asked him not to come back. OP wasn't an employee to fire.

thebestofboth | 20

#6161191 - Saturday 3 January 2015 2:07

But the name is out of a job so that brings us to the conclusion that op was an employee

By bearstyle22 | 11

#6160614 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:45

What you say by chance?

Classy_Sassy_15 | 15

#6160734 - Friday 2 January 2015 15:00

The dog has logic.

spoo | 24

#6164951 - Tuesday 6 January 2015 21:40

Couldnt find any toilet paper in the toilet fixters isle?

By ihartmytdi | 23

#6160618 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:47

People rarely see the positive side in constructive criticism. Most just dwell on negativity without giving notice to the potential for change.

By bombielol | 20

#6160620 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:51

well ts his loss I'm sure you were a great worker Dont feel bad op

milehigh52 | 22

#6161204 - Saturday 3 January 2015 2:31

I don't know why you were voted down. That was a nice thing to say.

greencurtains74 | 11

#6161375 - Saturday 3 January 2015 6:17

38. It is either the grammar nazis or those who dislike her main photo. My guesses anyway.

FEARxTH3xWOLF | 14

#6161377 - Saturday 3 January 2015 6:22

I accidentally hit down vote instead and I can't change it sorry

By anoniemm | 13

#6160623 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:54

Aw man, too bad they couldn't handle it...
At least you did the right thing...
Good luck in finding a new job where they do appreciate constructive critisism, op!

By pooldude | 24

#6160632 - Friday 2 January 2015 11:04

you cant handle the truth!

By Earths_Venus | 25

#6160643 - Friday 2 January 2015 11:26

Am I the only one who doesn't understand this FML? I've read it 5 times and I still don't get it.

LadyMadness | 11

#6160648 - Friday 2 January 2015 11:45

basically a store owner asked OP why people keep quitting, and OP gave him the reason. the owner didn't like what OP said, even though it could be beneficial to the owner to listen and instead he fired OP