Miscellaneous: Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old...

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 22:52 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 199

You deserved it 3 900

Miscellaneous

Good kid

Weird reason to leave, but OK

White collar crime

By fyou - 24/01/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 3 996

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 19:02 - Germany

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 409

You deserved it 7 291

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 17:02

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 2 081

By louise - 05/01/2012 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 070

You deserved it 55 821

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 10:08 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 094

You deserved it 8 473

By anonymous - 27/01/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 877

You deserved it 8 263

By extra crispy or original recipe - 16/02/2014 22:23 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 488

You deserved it 42 741

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 20:58 - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 614

You deserved it 3 118

By tardspawn - 05/04/2015 15:38 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 516

You deserved it 3 968

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 22:00

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 1 594

By prostitutes boyfriend - 21/10/2011 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 222

You deserved it 4 366

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 1 903

Still a better love story than The Matrix

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 414

By seatle girl - 28/06/2016 00:43 - France - Les Mureaux

Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 567

You deserved it 952

By Anatomy - 28/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after being suspicious for some time, I learned that my husband really has been going to the library in his free time to study anatomy. Specifically female anatomy, with the librarian, in the back closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 966

You deserved it 641

By Renna303 - 18/09/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 524

Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 250

You deserved it 4 418

By Black Cat 13 - 04/09/2010 06:52 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 057

You deserved it 3 502

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 140

By hopeless romantic - 14/08/2014 15:06 - United States - Dayton

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 110

You deserved it 5 506

By Anonymous - 14/08/2016 06:16 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I shaved my vagina for the first time ever. Had sex with my husband and then asked if he liked that. He said, "You've done that before, though". I haven't. We've been married 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 185

You deserved it 1 805

By Anonymous - 18/08/2016 20:44 - United States - High Point

Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 254

You deserved it 1 111

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 190

You deserved it 2 918

By laurenasabutton - 30/12/2013 13:07 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 4 328

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 14:00

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 81

By Poopalipa - 08/01/2009 07:42 - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 3 278

By Jess - 05/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 677

You deserved it 74 873

By Phill1188 - 16/09/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the 3rd time." I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 950

You deserved it 189

For real though?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 341

You deserved it 648

By Manu - 14/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Columbia

Today, I went to get my first manicure. While waiting, I looked at the menu board. When I wondered aloud: "I know what a French manicure is, but what on Earth is a Polish change?" The whole place started laughing and I guess I'm not going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 711

You deserved it 1 571

Hungry

By The gay child - 09/05/2018 19:00

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 857

You deserved it 418

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 708

You deserved it 19 567

By Noob - 05/03/2018 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 720

You deserved it 434

By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - 12/08/2009 22:43 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 677

You deserved it 3 233

By reallydevonte - 01/08/2016 17:30 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 768

You deserved it 1 104

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 184

You deserved it 3 644

By djshahso - 26/02/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 649

You deserved it 46 821

Marriage (Dress) Story

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 717

You deserved it 132

By PetitPrincePerdu - 08/05/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 814

You deserved it 5 048

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 190

You deserved it 8 505

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Top comments

CrissyyyS2 22

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:21

... So he didn't deny it. Get back in there, beat him up and take back your sisters purse.

Voij 16

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:22

Call the cops.

CrissyyyS2 22

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:21

... So he didn't deny it. Get back in there, beat him up and take back your sisters purse.

Ambient25 24

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Sunday 30 June 2013 14:24

Exactly! Or throw a brick at his car

Fedezzer 20

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Sunday 30 June 2013 15:30

Please. If she could in anyway beat him up she wouldn't have left without the purse.

Ian7890 23

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Sunday 30 June 2013 17:53

sure, solve this situation by committing crimes.

yzzami 17

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Sunday 30 June 2013 18:10

Exactly! Nothing says you're a jerk better than a kick between the legs

tjv3 10

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Monday 1 July 2013 1:17

Call the police and press charges

doodieman 9

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Monday 1 July 2013 7:22

48- Crimes get shit done.

Voij 16

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:22

Call the cops.

AestheticGuy 21

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Tuesday 9 July 2013 7:12

Exactly. What a retard kid. Probably one of those odd sociopathic kids. Just report him to the cops and they can kick his ass, kid needs some discipline.

mackdeezy 21

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:22

Id say have a cop "invade his privacy" see how he likes it.

Doritozilla 20

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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A100893 30

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:26

Your ex is a thieving dick. Report his ass if he won't cooperate.

deepunder 17

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Monday 1 July 2013 2:31

It's easier just to steal it back and never mention it. It's not like he'll file a report for a stolen purse. My friend got his iPhone stolen by his friend and when my friend went to his house he just took it back and left through a window, never to return.

MzZombicidal 36

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:27

My foot would invade the privacy of his ass.

godfathermock 19

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Sunday 30 June 2013 23:05

Especially if its my sister's purse he stole.

Neyuu 18

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Monday 1 July 2013 3:30

I feel like the fml community would make a really good army. "Kick his ass! Break his knees! Get the purse back!"

JaneChemi_fml 21

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 0:30

@7 calm down Red Foreman

YUNOFML 16

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:28

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leogachi 15

Sunday 30 June 2013 10:33

What was he doing with her sister's purse?

Nordrag 26

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:41

What are we doing commenting here?

MzZombicidal 36

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:43

"my NOW ex-boyfriend's closet"

AshleyScruggs 14

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Sunday 30 June 2013 10:59

isn't it funny how people will say, "I hope you mean EX- boyfriend/ girlfriend" when the OP complains about his/ her significant other but when he/ she says ex- boyfriend/ girlfriend in the post they get confused about why the OP would be doing something involving his/ her ex.