Love: Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker.... - FML

By D-Man - 08/02/2012 13:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 211

You deserved it 4 103

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Leave us alone

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By loves the smell of burning flesh - 01/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 636

You deserved it 62 610

By bubblegummm13 - 27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 665

You deserved it 4 460

By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 34 976

By hopelesscollegechick - 07/05/2013 18:14 - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 003

You deserved it 5 981

By accidentalnorman - 07/12/2015 10:11

Spicy

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 202

You deserved it 30 919

By opposableouch - 27/10/2009 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 936

You deserved it 7 937

By meach - 06/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 747

You deserved it 4 165

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 232

By Bullet - 13/08/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 181

You deserved it 3 350

By Ayeya - 04/06/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 755

You deserved it 74 057

By Brea - 01/02/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 841

You deserved it 68 494

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 533

You deserved it 13 349

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 349

You deserved it 6 571

By FML - 21/06/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I spent 4 hours carefully cleaning the inside and outside of my car. Fairly proud of the job I had done, I parked my car safely in my garage. Later, I opened my garage to find bird shit all over my car. Apparently birds get nervous when they get trapped in garages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 621

You deserved it 5 367

Devil parents

By Pandaling - 26/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 655

You deserved it 121

By datgirl92 - 24/05/2013 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 160

You deserved it 19 625

Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 111

Skinny love

By maryann - 13/01/2021 08:01

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 23:19 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 583

You deserved it 4 251

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 947

You deserved it 3 532

By Kelly - 02/04/2012 18:44 - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 810

You deserved it 3 314

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 1 221

By Anizzaf - 27/01/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 192

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 903

You deserved it 31 160

By Anonymous - 18/09/2017 01:30

Today, I realized that the random string of numbers I deleted in my phone notes a few months ago was actually the pin code to my new bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 2 694

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 728

You deserved it 5 088

By WellOops - 18/07/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend crashed his car while I was giving him road head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 9 392

By sliceddice - 10/03/2010 16:08 - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 392

You deserved it 3 718

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 793

By Unreciprocated - 25/02/2016 06:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 233

You deserved it 2 456

By uglyone - 13/01/2010 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 3 414

The rest of us had already figured this out

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, after reading more FMLs than I'd care to count, I think I've finally realised that the world isn't made up up of mostly competent and intelligent people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 20/07/2012 21:38 - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 894

You deserved it 45 409

By oops - 05/04/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 031

You deserved it 80 496

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 508

You deserved it 5 112

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 11 444

By buzzzzkill - 27/08/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 789

You deserved it 2 612

Lock in

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 14:00

Today, my boss told me I could do my university work as long as I served customers when they came in. No customers came in all day, then I realised I’d been so focused on my laptop, I'd never noticed I’d left the bolt on the door, so customers couldn’t get in. My boss sacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 1 737

These jugs don't belong here...

By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 568

You deserved it 965

By mylifeeee - 25/02/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 027

You deserved it 5 684

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 15:59

Crash the wedding. Do it.

qazaq 1

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:02

Why do you care what your ex does?

Comments

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 15:59

Crash the wedding. Do it.

instnt1nfction 17

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:00

With a car

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:15

Or a huge truck. :D

Let_Haterz_Hate 0

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:21

Or a steam roller!!

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:26

or fly an airplane at them

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:41

With a spaceship

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 17:00

Ieiw

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 17:06

Oops, accident. Ignore that. I'm new and don't know how to delete stuff, how sad.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 17:16

FU*K YEAH!!!! It doesnt really matter what he uses, WHO CARES!!! as long as it is totally awesome

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:31

I would hire bin ladin's cousin to crash it, I hear he does a good job.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 19:24

64, you called?

dedrater_kool_u 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 2:42

tacos

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Thursday 9 February 2012 6:40

Dial 003 - hello wedding crashers, how may i help you lol :p

TOXICxANARCHIST 0

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:00

That sucks. But i don't really see how you getting her the job matters...

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:18

Well OP i guess you're officially a matchmaker.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:30

He got her the job that ended up setting up OP's ex and coworker.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 17:07

I guess he got her the job when the were still together, and maybe she broke up with him because she met the other person

TOXICxANARCHIST 0

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 22:59

I see

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Thursday 9 February 2012 1:51

44, Thats just an assumption. You can't just assume shes a cheating bitch because this person is complaining about her getting married.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:01

Well because he essentially introduced them.. Sucks OP, sorry

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:42

Tell the co-worker something bad about your ex-girlfriend and the co-worker will cancel the wedding.

TraeThaTruth07 7

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:50

Nah that's a low blow. If she got engaged then you must have been broken up for some time before they got serious and decided to tie the knot. Wish her well and move on. You'll find the right one...

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Thursday 9 February 2012 0:58

i've seen plenty of break ups after engagements. some people get into the moment a little too much and get engaged after a few months

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:16

Why does it suck? If theyre not meant to be oh well... At least you made someone else happy

qazaq 1

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:02

Why do you care what your ex does?

abbyhoneywaffles 11

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:56

Maybe he still loves her..

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:24

Maybe he loved her very much and she cheated on him with the coworker. Then, maybe, she broke it off with OP to be with the coworker. I would care about what my ex did if that was what happened. But who knows?

abbyhoneywaffles 11

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 19:13

39- Have you never experienced a break up? Sometimes it's a little harder than 'just moving on.'

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 22:49

73: I wish you would be a little more positive sounding. Like "Don't worry OP, you'll find the right girl." Instead of being heartless and saying "Just move on." I'm sure OP is a little more sensitive than you're letting off to be because he is upset about it. (ergo, the FML)

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Thursday 9 February 2012 0:22

Right thats what i think

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:05

In the words of Donald Trump: "You're Fired!"

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:05

Call yourself Hitch.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:06

Hang in there, Dude. Hopefully one day you'll be able to look back on this and be happy you helped get them together. Or cackle madly as they go through their horrid divorce.... Win Win either way :)

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:30

If all else fails,there's always the double homicide option.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:39

-8- Wise words from a wise man.

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:06

She was going to meet someone one time or another.. It's not like if you didn't give her the job she would stay single forever

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:06

Who is the "her"?

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:14

His girlfriend... I'll make room in the corner for you.

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Thursday 9 February 2012 1:51

*prepares boulders for throwing

silentbutfunny 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 17:30

*pops popcorn to watch from a distance*

perdix 29

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 16:08

You got her a job, she gives you co-worker a job. That's the way it works.

taera 8

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 17:00

...and then the coworker gives OP a job! ;)

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 17:30

It could be a three way triangle if you play your cards right

perdix 29

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 18:01

I like the way you two are thinking. With unemployment still quite high, people need to make an extra effort to give jobs to those who need them.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 128

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 635