By iwannagotomiamitoo - 19/08/2013 04:30 - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 602
You deserved it 3 140

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Lol better go buy what you want now while you can still blame id theft!

Report to the police immediately, as there are a lot of "five star services" in Miami, and some of them can put you in jail...

Comments

get over there and triple bitch slap the motherfucker with a round house kick

How do you bitch slap someone with a kick?

What, what you got a problem with this? Maybe I should kick you in the face, with my fist.

See 1 is so skillful he can do a triple bitch slap with a single kick breaking all forms of logic and barriers of possibility. And I guess he slaps with his foot...

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

#33, this is FML, not Club Penguin.

That's the worst thing to do. You have no idea who this person is. Best thing to do is go to the police

#33 censor is a bad word? because you c*nsored it.

I'll see my self out. I thought some of you would catch my sarcasm due to the censoring that OP used

I love how people say something in seriousness and then when other people downvote them or call them out, they say, "Oh, it was sarcasm." Yeah right.

im not being sarcastic thats for sure. my comment may be downvoted but everybody wants that identity thief down. i was just saying what people were thinking

"triple bitch slap that motherfucker with a roundhouse kick" WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

Lol better go buy what you want now while you can still blame id theft!

He can't buy anything, someone stole OP's ID and details and is draining OP's account.

OP can still buy things... Identity theft isn't a block out of your identity, it's someone pretending to be you by using your information (credit card, social security number, name, etc) to buy things or get into places.

In order to do this OP could only buy things in Miami..

Sounds like the perfect time for a little vacation in Mami lol

Cancel all credit cards and make that bitch as miserable as possible then find them and FUCK THEM UP

Love that movie! You better get to Miami fast and get them arrested!

Now's as good a time as any to go to Florida; while you're there, bring the identity thief to justice. Who knows, maybe someone will make a mediocre comedy film about your story.

Mediocre is far too much credit given IMO

Cancel All cards and report to the police, Job done

And wait up to a year or longer...

Report to the police immediately, as there are a lot of "five star services" in Miami, and some of them can put you in jail...

Police in the US don't do jack shit. They eat doughnuts and pretend to work as they're cruising in their cars. They don't care about you unless you're in the business class or higher. If you did report to them they would solve your case in a year and by then the thief would have fled.

Evil twins, man. They're assholes.

Oh really? I always though they were vaginas.

In hindsight, perhaps you shouldn't have posted your social security number on the side of a rolling billboard for a Lifelock commercial.

Look everyone it's a joke *Where???* Never mind.. It went over your heads.

It sure went over mine.

The man that runs the company LifeLock posted his SSN on the side of a rolling billboard as proof of how good his company is. His identity got stolen. Understand the irony now?

Or the op probably didn't have that useful service & that's why this situation occurred.