Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three...

By diapersplease - 7/6/2015 01:17 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

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Kids

White line fever

Everyone's an expert

Emergency haircut

By jessii - 9/10/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

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By FlyAwayPlease - 25/8/2015 22:38 - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

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By sierra.sl31 - 28/7/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2014 03:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 21:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

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By butterbody - 23/3/2014 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2012 18:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML

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By Jessica - 19/3/2011 21:13 - Romania

Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 3/2/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

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By herestowaiting - 30/8/2016 20:56 - United States - Detroit

Today, I'm officially a week overdue. I went to the hospital, thinking I was in labor since I was in so much pain. Turns out it was just gas. The nurse couldn't hold back her look of pity as she told me this. FML

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By ellie - 23/2/2011 07:10 - Australia

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2014 03:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room". FML

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By Thisismylife - 26/1/2015 06:55 - Canada

Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

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By Van - 9/11/2019 05:00

Work name

Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML

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By Official_Person - 2/6/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

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By PickedOff - 27/4/2012 08:22 - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

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By shook - 6/9/2017 14:00 - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

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By Yeah-It's-Just-Me - 1/1/2015 00:52 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

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By maxiflouf - 28/12/2009 09:50 - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

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By mystupidname - 3/9/2019 14:00 - Denmark

Sixteen again

Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML

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By Liv - 29/10/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Great Bookham

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

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By lonelyman - 20/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

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By over_protected - 18/1/2010 12:28 - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

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By crashednowcrushed - 26/4/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

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By Tom - 7/11/2008 12:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 12:30 - United States - Redding

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

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By teef - 24/3/2009 08:19 - Canada

Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML

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By callofdutyhater - 21/8/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 22:52 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

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By arianelagolden - 4/8/2016 07:27

Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

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By hamboneghost - 24/2/2015 19:02 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

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By wispywee - 29/6/2011 17:47 - Canada

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

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By BaggedDown - 8/5/2014 01:25 - United States - Rochester

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

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By wowzersthatsucks - 29/6/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

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By tal - 22/8/2012 09:57 - France

Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML

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Top comments

By ktiskool | 18

#6313482 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:27

Make them clean it up and see how much longer it lasts

By lexos | 16

#6313481 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:26

Does his tactic actually work?

Comments

By zeusdom | 15

#6313480 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:26

I'm sure that must have "pissed" you off

DFMLharsh | 20

#6313495 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:31

Not as much as this repeated toilet pun does.

Zebediabolical | 37

#6313504 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:34

I'd have upvoted this if it weren't in quotes. We're not stupid. We can spot a pun.

shellykjelly | 26

#6313601 - Sunday 7 June 2015 21:05

Well you know what they say, it's better to he pissed off than pissed on

Schrypt | 15

#6313986 - Monday 8 June 2015 5:23

Potty mouth!

xx000o | 27

#6314240 - Monday 8 June 2015 11:56

Think about all the money you are saving not buying diapers anymore.

By lexos | 16

#6313481 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:26

Does his tactic actually work?

Rinat_fml | 26

#6313675 - Sunday 7 June 2015 23:40

I don't get why she doesn't make him clean it up instead. It's his mess.

muarif | 19

#6313729 - Monday 8 June 2015 0:21

Because she knows her work and does it *grabs popcorns* :3

jforren | 14

#6313842 - Monday 8 June 2015 2:31

This is the 21st century, get with the times. Sexism isn't cool.

psychopolarbear | 28

#6313938 - Monday 8 June 2015 4:42

She wanted her son to use the bathroom. He did. He used the whole bathroom floor around the toilet while sword fighting. I'd say the tactic worked just fine.

CVTTRVN | 19

#6314107 - Monday 8 June 2015 8:30

Im with #55. Make ur hubby clean up his mess!

By ktiskool | 18

#6313482 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:27

Make them clean it up and see how much longer it lasts

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6313503 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:34

This is the right advice

devildog562 | 33

#6313506 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:34

My thought is , why on earth would she clean it up? Unless it is the only bathroom or something. I wouldn't want to clean anyone else's fluid up of I can help it. Besides everyone knows sword fighting belongs outside not in the house.

By RickySleeves | 20

#6313484 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:27

I'd be so pissed off

Jake42100 | 17

#6313493 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:30

Your pun is bad,And you should feel bad...You basically took #1's comment by the way...

RickySleeves | 20

#6313574 - Sunday 7 June 2015 20:25

Sorry about that. Have a great day!

MrConcise | 34

#6313616 - Sunday 7 June 2015 21:33

#8 - Your reference is bad, and you should feel bad.

SpankyRaven | 31

#6313973 - Monday 8 June 2015 5:15

#8 both comments were written at almost the same time. #4 just had the misfortune of hitting submit later than #1. What would be the point in copying?

By jessi_sunshine | 26

#6313488 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:28

It would seem that urine for a long day, OP.

DFMLharsh | 20

#6313533 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:53

^
#1 and #4, this is how a pun is done. Without making it obvious.

By LosTe_fml | 19

#6313490 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:29

I guess you win some and you lose some...

By Otherhats | 20

#6313492 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:29

If it works it works? Anyway, straighten out there path. Hehe, see what I did there?

LunaRebirth | 7

#6313829 - Monday 8 June 2015 2:09

I see what you did.. used the wrong form of "their".

Otherhats | 20

#6314074 - Monday 8 June 2015 7:27

Seriously?.... Bro. If your gonna correct someone's grammar at least be good at it.

xxmollyxx | 25

#6314108 - Monday 8 June 2015 8:30

Oh my

Pingvinai | 37

#6314161 - Monday 8 June 2015 9:34

You're*

Otherhats | 20

#6314614 - Monday 8 June 2015 19:29

You..., >.>

By callalilley | 18

#6313494 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:30

Don't cross the streams!

By appletreee | 29

#6313496 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:31

Yuck! I would make them clean it up, OP.

By TheBelt | 19

#6313497 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:31

You gotta give the man props I mean at least he taught him how to use the toilet now all you gotta do is teach him how to clean his mess after he's done.

Gillett | 23

#6313539 - Sunday 7 June 2015 19:57

Exactly. Our dad can explain to him that a "Gentleman" always fixes his mistakes and cleans up his messes.