Miscellaneous: Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 25

26/05/2017 19:00

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 024

You deserved it 1 935

Own it

Triage

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

10/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 705

You deserved it 306

02/07/2012 06:07

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 53 907

23/06/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 1 224

28/08/2011 20:10

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 140

You deserved it 8 151

16/08/2012 15:16

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 264

You deserved it 7 051

14/12/2013 06:38

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 018

You deserved it 11 365

01/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 705

11/10/2012 00:58

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 427

You deserved it 6 557

24/06/2009 06:13

Spicy

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 716

You deserved it 3 694

13/01/2017 20:00

Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping my head back in laughter at something that wasn't even funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 513

You deserved it 1 875

21/05/2009 16:41

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 59 832

02/07/2011 06:33

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 329

You deserved it 5 686

11/01/2012 00:37

Today, I have to go on a diet, because I can't afford to buy bigger clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 743

You deserved it 37 547

24/04/2016 04:45

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 848

You deserved it 21 182

01/09/2009 07:30

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 098

You deserved it 45 494

15/04/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 206

14/02/2017 04:53

Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 076

You deserved it 626

21/11/2009 08:00

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 245

You deserved it 2 886

30/03/2014 16:50

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 924

You deserved it 4 331

19/01/2009 18:05

Spicy

Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 325

You deserved it 10 375

31/03/2015 01:52

Spicy

Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's no one in there, so I knocked just to make sure. His stepdad opened the door stark naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 843

You deserved it 2 771

07/01/2010 18:38

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 961

You deserved it 3 508

04/01/2012 17:00

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 052

You deserved it 2 812

19/09/2011 02:07

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 865

You deserved it 5 679

17/02/2010 06:40

Spicy

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 2 700

29/06/2011 17:47

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 017

You deserved it 18 321

18/08/2009 19:20

Spicy

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 987

You deserved it 9 721

08/04/2014 20:13

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 542

You deserved it 4 022

05/04/2009 19:33

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 367

You deserved it 19 578

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 79

Arse!

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 12:00

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. She was looking for the remote, blindly trying to put her hand into the sofa. Instead, she shoved her hand down the back of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 210

17/03/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 155

18/07/2019 06:00

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 381

You deserved it 187

10/08/2019 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 251

01/11/2011 17:52

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 739

You deserved it 23 768

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 17:00

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 423

17/01/2014 23:52

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 892

You deserved it 6 755

21/12/2010 17:25

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 4 228

08/10/2011 15:36

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 573

You deserved it 28 253

10/05/2011 07:37

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 423

You deserved it 21 623

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Saturday 27 May 2017 5:00

Smooth.. But at least you tried

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 27 May 2017 4:40

At least it wasn't gauges.

Comments

timonedogdead 16

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Saturday 27 May 2017 4:25

At least maybe now by comparison the tattoos might not seem so bad to her? That's kind of a lose-win situation but hey, it's better then a lose-lose situation.

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 27 May 2017 4:40

At least it wasn't gauges.

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Saturday 27 May 2017 5:00

Smooth.. But at least you tried

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Saturday 27 May 2017 5:43

Rekt

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 27 May 2017 6:50

No, it's a metallic booger.

cOOkiEzRgOOd 22

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Saturday 27 May 2017 7:29

So close, but no cigar. What's even worse is that the thing you forgot was completely removable. FYL OP

TaysDarkLust 11

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Saturday 27 May 2017 8:20

Meh, oh well. It's your life and you are their child.. Either they accept you for you because body mods are just an addition to you, or they don't. Nothing lost if they don't....your happiness matters more than judgement

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Saturday 27 May 2017 12:26

I really wish I had money for elfing, dermal punch and split tongue.

mariri9206 32

Saturday 27 May 2017 9:39

You should just tell them. They might disapprove but, at least, you're being honest with them. And they'll still love you and, eventually, they'll get over it. And, if they don't still love you because you got tattoos, then maybe you're better off without them?

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Saturday 27 May 2017 11:11

so you'll hide you tattoos every time you see your parents? don't cover up who you are OP

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Saturday 27 May 2017 12:23

I hid my tattoo for a year my parents only found out because I was in hospital and they saw it! It's the only reason my mum didn't kill me!