Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each... - FML

By Disappointment - 26/5/2017 19:00 - United States - Gresham

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

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Proactive

Great boyfriend

Who's a good boy?

By mynameis - 13/11/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

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By enriquegay - 28/3/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Threat Neutralized

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

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By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/8/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

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By veebenjoo - 28/6/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

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By ThisChick - 6/7/2016 17:59 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I cringed at a memory of 5-year-old me going to restaurants I was brought to and stealing tip money because I thought it was free. I got to watch a kid do the same thing to me. Oh, sweet karma. FML

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By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

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By Brett - 3/4/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

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By ShaunBomb - 11/12/2010 06:11 - United States

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

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By dotcomboy - 28/7/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

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By shit.jpg - 25/8/2015 19:22 - United States - Waban

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

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By Sad and hungry - 25/4/2020 17:00

Tasty!

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

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By paperbagofdoom - 29/5/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, while working at a certain California theme park in full costume, I was approached by a kid in line, who looked at me and exclaimed, "Hey look, its Indiana Jones!" which felt pretty amazing. His sister, who was maybe seven years old, glanced over at me and said, "No, he's way too fat." FML

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By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

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By immature - 18/9/2014 19:20 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

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By cbarebo - 11/10/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

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By dating a fking cnt - 10/11/2012 00:16 - Canada

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

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By Sparks - 27/4/2019 10:00 - United States - Taylor

Today, my neighbors threatened to sue me because a six-foot branch fell off one of my trees and into their yard, hitting nothing on the way down. FML

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By trippy - 24/6/2019 20:01

Today, my mom tripped over a curb and cried, because she “tripped and not even drunk.” I thought it was normal to trip over my own two feet several times a day. FML

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By Mackdaddy - 7/2/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 17:00

Fish and chips is life

Today, my husband had his hands full with the shopping, so I was carrying the baby and the bag with our takeaway in it. I tripped down the steps and fell over. Did my husband ask if I or the baby were OK? Nope. But he did ask if I’d squashed his fish and chips. FML

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By brokeaf - 11/7/2011 19:09 - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

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By Kimberlie - 15/3/2011 09:23 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

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By seamonkeys - 21/3/2013 09:42 - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2019 20:02

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. All because I’m thinking of moving to the UK next year to study, and apparently, a girl he’s been thinking about for a week is a better option. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2014 17:32 - United States - Amherst

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

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By Jersey girl - 8/12/2016 07:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2015 12:37 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

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By kmyltd - 14/9/2016 06:18 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

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By heronlydaughter - 23/11/2010 03:58 - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

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By OfficeSlave - 25/8/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2012 19:35

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

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By PieterseMJ - 2/11/2012 12:17 - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - 20/7/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!". He got mad and left my house. It was my dad from Ohio. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 07:32 - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

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By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - 25/7/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

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By T-Bear - 7/10/2015 15:02 - United States - College Station

Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML

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By T. - 30/9/2010 14:07 - Australia

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

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Top comments

By Patsy Boren | 19

#7460950 - Saturday 27 May 2017 5:00

Smooth.. But at least you tried

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7460947 - Saturday 27 May 2017 4:40

At least it wasn't gauges.

Comments

By timonedogdead | 16

#7460945 - Saturday 27 May 2017 4:25

At least maybe now by comparison the tattoos might not seem so bad to her?
That's kind of a lose-win situation but hey, it's better then a lose-lose situation.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7460947 - Saturday 27 May 2017 4:40

At least it wasn't gauges.

By Patsy Boren | 19

#7460950 - Saturday 27 May 2017 5:00

Smooth.. But at least you tried

By Fritterzz | 13

#7460965 - Saturday 27 May 2017 5:43

Rekt

By RichardPencil | 28

#7460979 - Saturday 27 May 2017 6:50

No, it's a metallic booger.

By cOOkiEzRgOOd | 22

#7460984 - Saturday 27 May 2017 7:29

So close, but no cigar. What's even worse is that the thing you forgot was completely removable. FYL OP

By TaysDarkLust | 11

#7460997 - Saturday 27 May 2017 8:20

Meh, oh well. It's your life and you are their child.. Either they accept you for you because body mods are just an addition to you, or they don't. Nothing lost if they don't....your happiness matters more than judgement

Reply

Lemou_fml | 25

#7461085 - Saturday 27 May 2017 12:26

I really wish I had money for elfing, dermal punch and split tongue.

By mariri9206 | 32

#7461024 - Saturday 27 May 2017 9:39

You should just tell them. They might disapprove but, at least, you're being honest with them. And they'll still love you and, eventually, they'll get over it. And, if they don't still love you because you got tattoos, then maybe you're better off without them?

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7461063 - Saturday 27 May 2017 11:11

so you'll hide you tattoos every time you see your parents? don't cover up who you are OP

By nellyphant | 18

#7461084 - Saturday 27 May 2017 12:23

I hid my tattoo for a year my parents only found out because I was in hospital and they saw it! It's the only reason my mum didn't kill me!