Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each... - FML

By Disappointment - 26/5/2017 19:00 - United States - Gresham

Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML

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Fashion Police

No justice

Recycling helps

By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

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By daddysjudy92 - 28/9/2018 14:00

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

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By ex-wife - 25/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2019 06:03

I am the law

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

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By calebeutsler - 11/9/2011 01:18 - United States

Today, I was at a pie auction. During it, I had to hold a pie in a glass case to be sold. In the middle of the auction, I raised my hand to scratch my face, and dropped the pie and broke the glass. It was worth $1000. FML

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By Btdtgts - 25/3/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

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By swag papi - 22/1/2016 05:47 - Australia - Perth

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

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By bellaellaella - 22/9/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, after months of enduring my neighbors relentlessly yapping schnauzer, Molly, I moved into a new building. I was greeted by my new neighbor and her yapping rat terrier, Molly. FML

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By anonymous - 22/10/2014 02:11 - United States - Levittown

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

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By SlothyMolly - 6/3/2013 17:19 - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

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By rejected - 6/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

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By kinky - 5/8/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

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By Brooke - 9/8/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

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By ant_hater - 28/8/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

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By Hotmama - 30/1/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life. Now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone". FML

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By lovergirl - 27/7/2017 12:00 - United States - Orem

Off to a good start!

Today, I received an email from a potential employer with an awesome job opportunity. I was so excited, I immediately went to forward the email to my husband. My email included a lot of "I love you" and "we are going to celebrate tonight ;)". In my excitement, I hit reply instead of forward. FML

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By Hesjustapuppy - 10/5/2016 12:56 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML

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By HouseWife - 21/5/2014 02:24 - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

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By thx. - 4/8/2016 20:35 - United States - Denver

Today, I told the girl working the scanner that half the documents I was indexing from her were upside down. Now ALL of them are upside down. FML

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By lucy_g - 2/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, my mom rolled up the car window on my fingers. She thought my yelling and crying was because I was throwing a tantrum. I'm 26. FML

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By alisaav - 8/8/2014 07:40 - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

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By sadgirl - 10/6/2013 18:14 - United States - Conway

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

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By Ethan_18 - 14/12/2012 05:10 - United States

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Pleasant smell

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2015 14:23 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

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By j_babydoll6520 - 26/8/2011 11:09 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

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By smalls727 - 22/11/2016 17:46

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

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By Blah - 24/1/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

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By EmberLove - 17/1/2013 14:06 - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

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By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

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By danny5191 - 17/3/2012 02:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

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By Chelsy - 11/9/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Can he fix it?

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2014 15:51 - United States - West Newton

Today, I babysat a 10 year old from hell. She kept insulting me, saying I have tiny boobs, that boys must hate me, and that I'm ugly. I eventually got fed up and put her to bed. When her parents came back, she ran out of her room in tears and told them I'd beaten her. They believed it. FML

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By whatthefuck - 27/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Providence

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

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Top comments

By Patsy Boren | 19

#7460950 - Saturday 27 May 2017 5:00

Smooth.. But at least you tried

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7460947 - Saturday 27 May 2017 4:40

At least it wasn't gauges.

COMMENTS

By timonedogdead | 16

#7460945 - Saturday 27 May 2017 4:25

At least maybe now by comparison the tattoos might not seem so bad to her?
That's kind of a lose-win situation but hey, it's better then a lose-lose situation.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7460947 - Saturday 27 May 2017 4:40

At least it wasn't gauges.

By Patsy Boren | 19

#7460950 - Saturday 27 May 2017 5:00

Smooth.. But at least you tried

By Fritterzz | 13

#7460965 - Saturday 27 May 2017 5:43

Rekt

By RichardPencil | 28

#7460979 - Saturday 27 May 2017 6:50

No, it's a metallic booger.

By cOOkiEzRgOOd | 22

#7460984 - Saturday 27 May 2017 7:29

So close, but no cigar. What's even worse is that the thing you forgot was completely removable. FYL OP

By TaysDarkLust | 11

#7460997 - Saturday 27 May 2017 8:20

Meh, oh well. It's your life and you are their child.. Either they accept you for you because body mods are just an addition to you, or they don't. Nothing lost if they don't....your happiness matters more than judgement

Reply

Lemou_fml | 25

#7461085 - Saturday 27 May 2017 12:26

I really wish I had money for elfing, dermal punch and split tongue.

By mariri9206 | 32

#7461024 - Saturday 27 May 2017 9:39

You should just tell them. They might disapprove but, at least, you're being honest with them. And they'll still love you and, eventually, they'll get over it. And, if they don't still love you because you got tattoos, then maybe you're better off without them?

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7461063 - Saturday 27 May 2017 11:11

so you'll hide you tattoos every time you see your parents? don't cover up who you are OP

By nellyphant | 18

#7461084 - Saturday 27 May 2017 12:23

I hid my tattoo for a year my parents only found out because I was in hospital and they saw it! It's the only reason my mum didn't kill me!