Animals: Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for... - FML

By I'm Trading Up For A Dog - 14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 586

You deserved it 6 192

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Walk on the wild side

Happy Thanksgiving!

Marriage going well is it?

By Long sufferer - 21/02/2021 02:01

Today, at 5:30 a.m., my wife woke me to order milk for our business because she forgot to do so last night. She then chewed me out for doing it there and then, waking her up. I'm apparently useless, always complaining and in a bad mood about the most mundane things. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 86

By Noname - 28/02/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 398

You deserved it 19 279

By notyouraverage - 03/04/2018 19:00

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 438

You deserved it 6 808

By Chouse - 07/09/2012 01:56 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 2 671

Uncertainty

By pat - 21/05/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 612

You deserved it 3 614

No Ragrets

By surfergal91 - 14/02/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 625

You deserved it 4 134

By sadcat - 06/02/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 982

You deserved it 14 743

By Deadcat101 - 10/07/2012 23:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 971

You deserved it 1 924

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 20:00

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 989

You deserved it 405

By englishclasshigh - 10/09/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 529

You deserved it 7 501

By Chuffy - 01/12/2012 06:01 - United States - Loveland

Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 043

You deserved it 42 920

By cuntocracy - 21/01/2014 22:27 - Australia

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 133

You deserved it 6 040

By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - 08/12/2013 23:44 - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 734

You deserved it 17 237

By still learning - 26/02/2012 17:42 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 958

You deserved it 7 914

By Ugh - 13/12/2016 14:39

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 113

You deserved it 516

By CPD - 15/10/2011 04:12 - Canada

Today, I made a half-hour bike ride to the movie store, only to realize I'd forgotten my money. I made the ride back home, grabbed my money, went back to the store, paid, then made a second ride home. I got home exhausted, and opened the case. They gave me the wrong movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 217

You deserved it 6 133

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 033

You deserved it 4 145

By spellbound - 19/12/2012 14:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 513

You deserved it 4 081

Home invasion

By Brad - 05/07/2020 20:01

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 101

By unlicensed - 01/08/2012 16:20 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I drove 45 minutes to take my full driver's test. At the end of the test, the instructor told me I'd done everything perfectly, but had failed before I left the parking lot. I didn't see the "one way" sign at the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 122

You deserved it 9 398

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 289

You deserved it 45 960

By oppafucktardstyle - 14/10/2012 20:36 - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 408

You deserved it 1 612

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 187

By Needasafe1234 - 25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 991

You deserved it 46 700

By JohhnyKeroscene - 01/02/2012 12:21 - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 157

You deserved it 2 809

Slippery

By charliebravo77 - 09/12/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 345

You deserved it 4 383

By NeedANewWindshield - 24/08/2019 14:00

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 83

By MILF - 16/04/2014 22:03 - United States - Maryland Heights

Spicy

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 888

You deserved it 6 680

By dangit - 01/03/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing my favorite silk sweater, one I actually paid full price for. I sat down in my desk chair to work, and when I tried to get up I felt a strange pull. A corner of my sweater is still stuck in the screw at the back of the chair, the rest is in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 341

You deserved it 3 575

By preggo - 01/08/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 258

You deserved it 15 629

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 540

You deserved it 2 504

Customer relationships

By UnemployedGirl - 02/07/2021 19:59

Today, I assisted a customer at work. She was asking me all sorts of stupid questions and acting like an entitled, spoiled brat. When she left, since I had a mask on, I meant to mouth, "Stupid bitch" but I blurted it out loud. Everyone heard. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 398

By Smart - 16/09/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 532

You deserved it 3 114

Is that even possible?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 19:30 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I realized my sleepwalking habit has reached new heights. How? I woke up in the bathroom. On a plane headed to California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 412

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 258

You deserved it 535

By Flavorite - 10/02/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 501

You deserved it 2 827

By Anonymous - 09/10/2017 23:15

Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 662

You deserved it 1 250

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 768

You deserved it 5 364

By no that does not help - 20/08/2013 13:41 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 500

You deserved it 7 755

By PrestonW - 09/02/2011 15:53

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 288

You deserved it 7 747

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Top comments

thatkid00117 16

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:48

I guess you can still submit it as modern art

aguynamednick 20

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:48

what a catasstrophy

Comments

thatkid00117 16

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:48

I guess you can still submit it as modern art

aguynamednick 20

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:52

so true

Alittleghosty 3

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Monday 15 December 2014 2:32

OOOHHHHHH zing!

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Monday 15 December 2014 2:55

lol nicely done #11 XD

chlorinegreen 27

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Monday 15 December 2014 3:33

You can call it my damn cat

imapartypooper 15

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Monday 15 December 2014 4:41

What I hate about some modern art is that a red dot in the middle of a canvas or even a blank canvas can even be called art. I could do that, but I couldn't make a Picasso or a Dalí.

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Monday 15 December 2014 4:54

Advertise it as a painting with the opinion of a cat expressed through it's lavish and emotional touches done so as to show the felines inner artist and deepest thoughts brought to voice in this world with no ears for cats...

itwontvalidate 18

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Monday 15 December 2014 8:55

modern art: "I could've done that" "yeah but you didn't"

xx000o 27

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Monday 15 December 2014 12:26

Why not display the cat instead.

iseebearbears 27

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Monday 15 December 2014 20:02

42-That would be the Japanese flag.

aguynamednick 20

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:48

what a catasstrophy

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Monday 15 December 2014 1:32

That's exactly what my dad says :P

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Monday 15 December 2014 1:42

#23 how often does this happen to you

slingerslasher 24

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Monday 15 December 2014 3:36

cat ass trophy?

greencurtains74 11

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Monday 15 December 2014 4:53

catastrophe..proper spelling..would have worked too and would not have damaged your pun

The_Podfather 16

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Monday 15 December 2014 7:03

Boo lol

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Monday 15 December 2014 8:22

You've got to be kitten me. I'd be lion if I said these wordplay puns weren't funny. Ok, I'll stop it right meow.

rocketiquette 20

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Monday 15 December 2014 20:31

You've cat to be kitten me right meow! Am I the only one wondering why the painting wasn't on an easel? Sounds like it was laying down where it shouldn't have been in the first place. You kinda deserved it.

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Tuesday 16 December 2014 5:46

#48 but the cat was being an asshole... So I liked his version better.

FuckThisLogin 31

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Friday 16 October 2015 10:04

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BgxNCY4IMAAgRfD.jpg

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:48

That's so sad

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Monday 15 December 2014 6:08

Thanks Cap'n

uselogicplease 3

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Monday 15 December 2014 6:33

there was no legitimate reason to down vote her comment

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Monday 15 December 2014 8:08

People had spoken. It doesn't mean that people are right, it means they think the same. And they are many. They will stone their leader with morals if he stands in their way.

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Tuesday 16 December 2014 1:19

I guess you have a new rule: lock the art studio door so the cat can't get in there. That's heartbreaking OP. :(

BowtiesAndBraces 10

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:49

Cats can be such assholes, that sucks OP. Call it Cat Attack? Story behind the painting!

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:52

You say that as if the cat deliberately did it, knowing it would upset her. :p

gpg5 18

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Monday 15 December 2014 6:25

Cats come from Satan's arm. They are evilllll.

DoubleDosexo 12

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Monday 15 December 2014 7:59

how did it not deliberately do it? people do the same thing before purposely destroy your stuff, in front of you. And after all, humans are mammals too.

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Saturday 31 January 2015 22:55

#63 if your not a troll or not being sarcastic, you are an idiot.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:49

I love how animals always seem to have a knack for doing just the wrong thing when it's most crucial :( A dog would just chew your painting up though, so I don't think you should trade up ;P

qdawg06 23

Monday 15 December 2014 0:50

Say a cat painted it and it double in value.

phantomofmind 14

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:54

Gotta love cats. Mine slaps me in the face sometimes

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Monday 15 December 2014 0:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Monday 15 December 2014 1:00

New title for the painting "my cat is an asshole

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Monday 15 December 2014 1:01

Art can be bizarre and unique. Call it "Catastrophe in Art". That has to be very disappointing, but try to turn it into a positive.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 274