Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy...

By :/ - 4/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56238

You deserved it

5814

Favorite

Love

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Doomed

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55367

You deserved it

16109

Favorite

By gengiskarn69 - 12/3/2012 14:55 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8943

You deserved it

38505

Favorite

By nazirah4shizzle - 15/5/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39168

You deserved it

3452

Favorite

By Chris - 12/8/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20142

You deserved it

45994

Favorite

By pinpin - 13/11/2008 11:39 - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33478

You deserved it

18044

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 20:00

So special

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By helpme - 25/9/2015 13:46 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27251

You deserved it

7706

Favorite

By oopsies - 8/1/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27750

You deserved it

5400

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22798

You deserved it

14095

Favorite

By Mike - 17/9/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

The Nerve!

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1267

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By antisocial - 12/8/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31870

You deserved it

9116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 07:34 - United States

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32837

You deserved it

3633

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/2/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27286

You deserved it

5732

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 22:48 - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61658

You deserved it

5815

Favorite

By Ruinedchristmas - 28/11/2014 18:07 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33464

You deserved it

13806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/4/2012 10:32 - United States - Singapore

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10813

You deserved it

30140

Favorite

By Uriah - 3/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17140

You deserved it

109330

Favorite

By Trollface - 31/1/2017 20:00 - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6159

You deserved it

3562

Favorite

By ksmith - 9/8/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61434

You deserved it

5132

Favorite

By knee pain - 9/12/2013 19:17 - United States

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72936

You deserved it

4017

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2013 18:01 - Mexico - Ensenada

Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51791

You deserved it

3240

Favorite

By kaitlyna15 - 1/8/2012 01:54 - United States - Bellevue

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27858

You deserved it

1783

Favorite

By Anon - 8/2/2017 05:00 - Australia

Head in the Clouds

Today, my 33-year-old brother told my 10-year-old daughter that clouds are made by factories blowing smoke. My daughter laughed at him and he got upset. He still believed my dad's lie from 25 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7074

You deserved it

641

Favorite

By clapping_for_you - 14/12/2018 12:30

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

I agree, your life sucks

3115

You deserved it

368

Favorite

By iAmJasper - 17/9/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36315

You deserved it

8839

Favorite

By julie - 12/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9013

You deserved it

42384

Favorite

By SBae - 14/3/2016 15:49 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15929

You deserved it

9169

Favorite

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34037

You deserved it

10240

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Bad sandwich, bad week

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

Favorite

By anonymous - 7/4/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

73829

You deserved it

7214

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Halloween has started early

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By BigHelp - 8/7/2015 00:52 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21917

You deserved it

4458

Favorite

By Gloria Lovestar - 13/9/2019 20:00

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By bunyipp - 23/9/2017 04:00 - Australia - Macquarie Park

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5393

You deserved it

428

Favorite

By Plush - 13/1/2009 16:43 - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24991

You deserved it

2701

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2015 11:28 - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29811

You deserved it

2088

Favorite

By myleghurts - 12/11/2012 06:50 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30326

You deserved it

3475

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/2/2015 00:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33521

You deserved it

3152

Favorite

By tnh - 17/11/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, just like every other day, I was woken up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be, by the alarm belonging to my upstairs neighbors. They won't wake up until their real alarm goes off: me, pounding the walls and yelling in frustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28615

You deserved it

2267

Favorite

By drastech99 - 23/9/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my wife got so upset I didn't hold her while Snooki from Jersey Shore was crying, that after the episode was done she locked herself in our room crying. Now I have to sleep on the floor of my living room. Thanks Snooki. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40645

You deserved it

8380

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Gmoney12 | 18

#5742615 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:16

Did you just friendZone yourself?

By aligator121 | 15

#5742621 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:18

Does Maddy know this?

COMMENTS

By lucianaamelia | 21

#5742614 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:16

Oh dear. Mistaken identity strikes again!

misspulkadot24 | 17

#5742636 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:22

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!!

whos_ur_daddy1 | 19

#5742694 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:47

She's a pretty good wingman

HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5742711 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:06

OP got two people to start dating through with just a text message? Time to start a dating service!

scooterdude720 | 19

#5742717 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:14

So it's a big problem if a guy asks out a girl through text, but it's okay for the girl to do it? It's a horrible outcome, but at least this will make OP think twice about asking someone out through text.

xoamy906 | 25

#5742786 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 2:37

Why would she ask someone out over text?

Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5742942 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:04

The Office, Michael

AninOnin | 24

#5743016 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 8:45

#39, that's exactly what I was just thinking. People shouldn't ask each other out over text messages, period.

By Gmoney12 | 18

#5742615 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:16

Did you just friendZone yourself?

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#5742624 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:18

A new level of the abyss

cruel_fate | 10

#5742727 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:30

There is no escape.
-Darth Vader

cruel_fate | 10

#5742734 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:36

Look what happened to me when I got out of the friend zone

Snazzy_Snaz | 17

#5742893 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 4:47

You've done horrible things, Vader.

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5742919 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:21

2 your pic goes perfect with your comment lol

By aligator121 | 15

#5742621 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:18

Does Maddy know this?

Damian95 | 16

#5742913 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:13

How did they meet for a date if he was talking to OP?

ocramavaf | 15

#5742943 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:07

maddy just saw the opportunity and just run with it

By slooby_fml | 25

#5742625 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:19

How does that happen? If he was getting to know you over these texts then he must have noticed you were nothing like the girl from his work. Unless you're exactly alike. In which case...I got nothin

By patchesOhoolihan | 12

#5742626 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Welshite | 39

#5742646 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:24

Maybe because she liked him. Traditional gender roles are being blurred as the years go by. A girl does not have to wait for the male to make the first move anymore.

DocBastard | 38

#5742658 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:28

Welshite knows this well. All the chicks hit on him.

Welshite | 39

#5742669 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:30

Indeed they do. Unfortunately those hits have left me with broken ribs and a black eye before. I guess I shouldn't wolf-whistle and slap their bottoms, but I just can't help myself.

MrSassypants | 32

#5742675 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:33

And those cheesy pickups lines didn't help either after you smacked their rears.

"Are your parents beavers? Because damn, girl."

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5742704 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:58

#24- Same here, Welshite. Same here.

gc327072 | 29

#5742818 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 3:20

27- are your parents cows? Cause you're udderly attractive.

Kuramasan_fml | 12

#5742882 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 4:35

That is so terrible that I will probably have to use it. XD @62

By tinyrosie | 21

#5742627 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:20

Well now all you have to do is kill Maddie, skin her, sew her skin on your face and voila! You're maddy and everyone wins :)

Peachy2392 | 26

#5742637 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:22

That's not creepy

tinyrosie | 21

#5742651 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:25

Nope. Not at all xD

MrSassypants | 32

#5742677 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:34

Little do people know, I did that to myself. Now everyone thinks I am me! It's the perfect, evil, master plan. MUAHAHAHAHA!

KawaiiCupcake | 14

#5742683 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:37

The perks of having unique name :P

emirie | 21

#5742698 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:53

Oh my goodness. Thanks for the nightmares tonight...

mattyiscool123 | 26

#5742782 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 2:30

Sure there's no problem with first-degree murder

DJisHere11 | 19

#5742822 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 3:29

#7 Everyone wins, except Maddie.

dingleberrysteve | 6

#5742903 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 4:58

or is it maddy

tinyrosie | 21

#5742917 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 5:20

Dun dun dunnnn

davincidasecond | 24

#5742951 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 6:31

That's definitely the most disturbing comment I've read on fml.

swaggalikethat | 22

#5743088 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 10:33

Why are the pretty ones always insane? All i gotta do is stay awake…forever…

mein_blut69 | 15

#5743116 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 11:34

For some reason Texas Chainsaw Massacre popped into my mind. And all chances of sleep go right out the window. Thanks #7......dick.

fyi joking, I found that kind of funny.

ClaireWinchester | 17

#5744171 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 8:01

Calm down, Buffalo Bill.

tinyrosie | 21

#5745433 - Thursday 7 November 2013 8:04

Yay! I win for creeping everyone out!

tinyrosie | 21

#5745434 - Thursday 7 November 2013 8:05

#97 Don't worry I'm not actually THAT terrifying. I thought it was funny but my sense of humor is a little weird x)

By QueenD11 | 9

#5742628 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:20

I guess that will teach you not to TEXT things like that huh?

AninOnin | 24

#5743019 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 8:48

Dunno why you're getting thumbed down, but I agree. If something is serious enough to you, you need to pluck up the courage to do it while-heartedly.

amisenho | 11

#5743467 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:28

I prefer to do things like this whale-heartedly, myself.

By the_shift | 13

#5742629 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:21

Oh my... Knowing two people with the same name sucks... You can get them mixed up real easily.

By jsp16 | 24

#5742632 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:21

I knew Cupid existed.

By HowieDoIt | 21

#5742634 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:22

If only this was a movie, the neighbor always gets the guy/girl in the end. At least you have an advantage of seeing him and being able to talk more often.

graceinsheepwear | 33

#5742707 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 1:00

I think most people spend more time with co-workers than neighbors, and even family many times, unfortunately.