Health: Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain,...

By Bug - 15/10/2012 21:38 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 022

You deserved it 2 412

Health

Weird reason to leave, but OK

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Unfortunate

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 06:38 - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 194

You deserved it 3 674

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 41 031

By collball22 - 22/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and I said that I was self-conscious of my acne. He told me that only one of my zits was noticeable and that it wasn't so bad. In fact he said it looked cool, like a bullet wound or something "awesome" like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 357

You deserved it 5 398

Language barrier

By Jan - 02/08/2021 13:01

Today, my mother who learned English as an adult sent an email to my boss, thanking them for hiring me even though I'm "retarded." I’m a law school graduate who was diagnosed with a minor learning disability in kindergarten, but she still calls me "retarded" when speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 65

By even axe would smell better - 04/02/2014 18:55 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 571

You deserved it 3 601

By mando - 06/10/2011 15:14 - Australia

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 6 985

By ouch - 09/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 76 159

By shonfyr - 11/03/2014 21:35 - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 969

You deserved it 10 050

By goestoschoolonsnowdays - 12/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 3 133

By Anonymous - 16/04/2018 19:00

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 795

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 15:09 - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 886

You deserved it 3 720

By CRWMEN - 22/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 339

You deserved it 3 270

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 720

You deserved it 3 484

By Username - 23/03/2011 16:16 - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 23 029

By lonelygirl - 14/10/2012 12:43 - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 421

You deserved it 3 675

By jessybear777 - 15/02/2015 03:41 - United States - Branson

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 075

You deserved it 6 412

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 4 694

By anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 900

You deserved it 3 556

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 030

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 961

You deserved it 5 081

By I.Want.Food. - 19/01/2014 23:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 789

You deserved it 8 099

By fstfckd - 07/06/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 15 081

By lyssanthamum - 09/04/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 461

You deserved it 4 414

By jake - 27/06/2009 21:11 - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 309

You deserved it 63 226

By anonymous - 23/11/2010 09:32

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 798

You deserved it 3 095

By Alex - 09/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Richardson

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 486

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 293

You deserved it 274 844

By lizzie1833 - 17/03/2012 14:16 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 752

You deserved it 5 512

By ellieowenie - 29/07/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 25/10/2008 16:55

Today, my refrigerator defrosted itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 740

You deserved it 5 772

By gircos - 30/04/2014 00:10 - United States - Westerly

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 223

You deserved it 7 284

By headdesk - 25/06/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 450

You deserved it 6 185

By Savannah - 15/06/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 952

You deserved it 54 986

Father of the year

By Anonymous - 31/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realised that anyone who claims they enjoyed spending quality time together with their spouse and children during quarantine is a liar, a big fat liar. I know my kids aren’t even 10 yet, but god, I can’t wait for them to get houses of their own and move the fuck out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 1 889

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 866

You deserved it 1 195

By RIPJarJar - 20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 526

You deserved it 473

By fmjob - 17/08/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I got a raise. A 10 cent raise. I have worked at my job for over 3 years. I now make 20 cents more an hour than people that have only worked there 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 525

You deserved it 3 976

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 16 887

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 791

You deserved it 42 256

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 333

You deserved it 2 632

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Top comments

tpuff 7

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:41

Maybe you need Life alert :)

Dory123 9

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:45

Well it's not official till its on Facebook.

tpuff 7

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:41

Maybe you need Life alert :)

ICastillo 24

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:51

Help I've fallen and I can't get up.

awsetdvcshjkgss 1

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:53

You will probably laugh about it later

lolipop1234_fml 7

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:53

Profile pic!

YacL 15

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:06

19 - I don't know about you, but personally, this is not something I would "laugh about later". Especially with the way OP described it.

rsunshine2020 13

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:33

Because god forbid every single moment of your life isn't on display for everyone on facebook to see :)

JustDerpin 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:47

You know who else needs Life Alert? The infinity sign.

Dixbfloppin 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:50

All. [pause] Senior. [pause] Citizens. [pause] Need. [pause] Life Alert.

JuliannVo 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:53

She probably would soon (: but I hope you are okay.

flockz 19

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 2:52

i laid there for hours before anyone found me!

ihasbrains 10

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:07

48, It's actually this: Every. Senior. Citizen. SHOULD. Have. Life alert. Heh, I love that commercial.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:31

Kudos for me for being a 14 year old girl without Facebook (:

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:53

My personal favorite is "Hove around takes me where I want to go!"

gmc_blossom 21

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 6:43

77- Congratulations, man! Way to go! The world needs more people like you! Holy shit, you're amazing. Lol, no, seriously. What do you want, a cookie?

OhhIrony 6

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 3:04

-48 I love how your picture goes perfectly with what you said

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 3:37

Sorry, I was just saying... :/ And yea I would love a cookie

gmc_blossom 21

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Wednesday 17 October 2012 3:59

124- Well, too bad.

ohrlly7457 7

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:42

Ouch. She you deserve better

xKites 4

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 2:36

I had to read that twice.

obnum 19

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 2:56

Oh please everyone calm down I'm sure it was just a typo. God it's like everyone needs to be perfect when they comment or they get a ton of dislikes. -.-

partyfool2011 4

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:04

68- yes. don't you know how the internet works?

MrSnoopyJ 1

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:14

It wouldn't be so bad, if that wasn't a first grader gramatical error.

kittytub 12

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:22

73- grammatical. D8

trivel64 16

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:31

Hahah, I first read that as "Ouch. You deserve butter."

TheOnlyX 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 15:19

Fine 68, but only because I don't want to get my ass beat by a panda....that doesn't look too good on records.

flamegrilled123 3

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:43

Reminds me of that pic of a baby with a fan on it that says "a fan fell on our baby, lets take a photo for the Internet!"

GirlYouNasty 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:41

Some people's priorities are really fucked up.

nanpooo 6

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:43

Take a picture of her saying she looked like a cheap hooker? Too much?

anencephalic 14

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:38

Too much.

Dixbfloppin 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:45

Her charges are too much. Zing~!

007type 26

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:51

45- that was cheap.

nanpooo 6

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:52

41- would cheap mother be better?

llamafish 25

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:07

49 - But she certainly isn't.

jerry2011 4

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:44

Lately all moms are not acting like moms anymore

crackpot1217 0

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:12

Shut up ho

XxskyelovexX 13

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:27

My mom made me cry on thanksgiving of seventh grade. My aunt had to calm me down and make me feel better. Happy Thanksgiving Mom! .-.

jesustitts 20

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:28

This comment is incorrect. My mother still acts like a mother.

jerry2011 4

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:36

I meant Moms in recent FML postings

lexi365 20

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 5:11

New female midlife crisis?

Dory123 9

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:45

Well it's not official till its on Facebook.

007type 26

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:54

Now OP is officially in pain.

lukemack 4

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:46

Your mum and my mum would get along.

0ops_i_died 8

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:59

^ Settle down there chief.

t765234 10

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 4:13

47- "more than one woman was there? Sounds like a lesbian porn lead in"

highway_unicorn7 5

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:46

Just play it cool and say you were doing stairobics:)

daliagrande 17

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:46

That's fucked up. You could've broken something.

007type 26

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:58

The way I read it, it feels like you are accusing OP. I don't know...

KrazieKleo 13

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 3:39

Yeah she could've broken the stairs!

TheOnlyX 11

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 15:21

I'll let you in on a secret *moves toward ear* if you don't know don't comment.

Futacy 29

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:46

Obviously, your mum is going through a midlife crisis. She's waaay overdoing it though. She's supposed to be acting like she's 21, not 12.

luna2152 3

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:50

If the mother is old enough to have a child posting on FML, I would sincerely hope she's more than 21...

Futacy 29

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 0:55

^ That's not even close to what I'm talking about. Try reading my comment correctly this time.

Futacy 29

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Tuesday 16 October 2012 1:03

16- she's having a midlife crisis, so she's acting as young as she can. She overshot though, instead of being a mum (probably in her fourties) acting like she's 21, she's acting like she's 12.