Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got...

By HoShiz - 25/10/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

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Miscellaneous

Tense

No justice

People are strange

By Matt L - 21/8/2020 14:07 - United States - Staten Island

Bad day

Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML

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By Noname - 18/3/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

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By Shep - 31/8/2018 13:00

Today, while sleeping as soundly as I could on a plastic mattress, the night shift nurse in the psych ward woke me up in the middle of the night so that I could take my sleeping pill, which was prescribed as "if needed". FML

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By kernewek - 26/5/2011 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

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By anon - 11/11/2015 03:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, 'Congratulations, you have a new match'. FML

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By pissed out pants - 18/1/2015 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

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By merp. - 2/2/2013 06:57 - United States - Wausau

Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML

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By maalmawr - 2/4/2016 05:20 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

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By mikey09 - 17/1/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

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By Sir Anon - 29/2/2016 20:18 - United States - Champlin

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML

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By Hoobfoob - 19/6/2017 04:00

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

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By Tom_why - 23/5/2009 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

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By Nohearingornoeating - 17/5/2018 15:00

WHAT?

Today, my brand-new digital hearing aid fell out of my ear as I was walking home from the store. I've retraced my steps, but cannot find it anywhere. It cost $2000, and replacement, like the hearing aid itself, is not covered by insurance. FML

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By kb - 1/2/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I still have the bronchitis and the stomach flu that I suffered through all weekend. Today was to be the day I had my bachelorette party and wedding shower. I had to call both of them off. FML

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By Me - 26/11/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

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By AnalProbe - 12/3/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I learned that my building never received my rent check. Now not only do I have to pay a $40 late fee, but also a $40 fee to stop the payment of the check that went god knows where. FML

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By fail - 15/6/2012 15:36 - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 19:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Zigazig Ah

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

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By Pissed Off - 7/3/2009 10:13 - Australia

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

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By Kimberpoo - 14/3/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

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By theguy24 - 27/1/2009 12:47 - United States

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

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By WildShortstop13 - 28/1/2015 22:20 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I fell asleep curling my bangs. I now look like Mrs. Potato head. FML

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By gRRRrr - 1/4/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. We're currently sharing a room on a cruise ship. FML

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By Jacqueline - 1/7/2012 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

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By taob - 20/5/2012 17:11 - China - Nanning

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

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By fuzzy - 23/9/2009 10:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

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By NJ <3 - 10/1/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

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By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

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By baddream - 25/4/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

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By I weep for our future generation - 1/10/2017 04:30

Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML

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By JessThompson - 5/12/2012 16:50 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

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By syco - 28/12/2010 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I like was panicking because her car broke down, so I offered her a lift to wherever she needed to be. I drove her to her boyfriend's house. She asked me to drive her home in the morning. FML

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By edwinduarte1 - 13/9/2010 06:49 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

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By hurtsmyears - 7/11/2011 01:23 - United States

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#638204 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:52

Were you expecting a big-screen TV?

This sounds like Roger Federer's FML: Today, I won Wimbledon for the sixth time. I played a 4 hour match and I got a useless cup at the end. I have five more exactly like it at home. FML.

By lizzzie_fml | 0

#638169 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:40

So why go?

COMMENTS

By lizzzie_fml | 0

#638169 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:40

So why go?

ISellHerbs | 0

#638271 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:33

http://www.playfire.com/win-codmw2/323136393537

Asstazztic | 8

#986252 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 8:36

Smartass is a douche

By smartass101 | 0

#638183 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:43

I hate award ceremonies like that, I always skip them unless i know that I am getting a big awards.

alleyes | 0

#638224 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:05

ohh yea? whats the last big award you recieved?

GreenHacker | 0

#638230 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:07

A "thanks for sharing" from fml when he posted his comment

bean_dawg | 0

#638533 - Sunday 25 October 2009 23:07

lol

toch040 | 0

#1062320 - Sunday 4 July 2010 11:49

a least that's better than a crappy little pin

By hetizmij | 0

#638185 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:43

At least you got an award. How is that a FML? It's not about the physical award itself, but what it represents. But if you don't appreciate that you indeed shouldn't have went.

By keitorin | 0

#638203 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:51

dude shut up, at least you got recognized for something.

By perdix | 29

#638204 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:52

drummer_dude | 0

#638288 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:43

If this was Facebook that comment would be massively *like*'d.

By toink | 0

#638211 - Sunday 25 October 2009 19:56

Congratulations, OP! :D

By GreenHacker | 0

#638218 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:01

so what did we learn?

toink | 0

#638221 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:02

We learned that some comments magically disapear here.

By scateice | 0

#638225 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:05

Maybe you can fuse them together and make....a BIGGER pin! :D

alleyes | 0

#638612 - Sunday 25 October 2009 23:36

I doubt OP has the mental capacity to do such a thing, good thinkin though

By Zigster94 | 0

#638267 - Sunday 25 October 2009 20:31

Secretly, the pin can be sold on ebay for thousands of dollars. :D

By genki008 | 0

#638427 - Sunday 25 October 2009 22:38

maybe you should listen to some amy whiiiiiiiiiiinehouse on the way home

alexg823 | 0

#2582085 - Sunday 29 May 2011 2:58

Lame...