Health: Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I... - FML

By caqi33 - 08/03/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 158

You deserved it 8 981

Compromises

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Thanks for the support

By JCC - 18/05/2011 10:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 404

You deserved it 13 024

Time is running out

By teachinginhell - 29/09/2021 08:00

Today, I'm a teacher at a primary school, with 20 schools in their network. A week before end of term assessments, they decided to move assessments a week early to allow them to observe data. I have 2 days to teach 2 chapters or my kids will lose 20% of the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 08:01 - United States - San Jacinto

Spicy

Today, while at a party playing Truth or Dare, I found out my best friend fantasizes about having sex with my 51 year old mother. The rest of the guys at the party then nodded in agreement and thus spawned a group conversation about how "screwable" my mom is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 3 519

By Mahomie123 - 16/04/2011 22:56 - United States

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 251

You deserved it 4 009

By alycion - 04/05/2019 12:00

Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 132

This is a robbery

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 20:02 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 146

You deserved it 3 054

By Rachael - 01/07/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 994

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 01:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 2 523

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 855

You deserved it 2 683

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 359

You deserved it 2 306

Sing me to sleep…

By anonymous - 25/09/2020 20:01

Spicy

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 118

By Bro - 25/03/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 754

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 518

You deserved it 49 294

By itsnotyouitsme - 20/04/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 294

You deserved it 35 147

Denial

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, my little brother got a tattoo honoring our mom who abused us. The only reason I stayed was to protect him. I feel like I wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 65

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 796

You deserved it 45 810

Family channels have issues

By Dylann - 06/09/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 16, my sister is 13 and our little brother is 9. Our parents just told us their plans to start a family vlog on YouTube, because, "It's made people rich. Don't you want to be rich?" I said I didn't want to be a part of such a humiliating enterprise, but they started filming me, as a "first family argument video." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 87

By towelwindow - 05/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 793

You deserved it 8 439

By mydatinglifesucks - 15/06/2014 06:31 - United States

Today, I had a date with a man who works as a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder during dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 768

You deserved it 6 767

By Rayvyn - 21/10/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 797

You deserved it 7 347

By Brady - 30/04/2013 16:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 506

You deserved it 15 024

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 702

You deserved it 10 981

By thanksmom - 22/12/2014 23:15 - United States - Watertown

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 2 621

What about me?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 14:00

Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 132

By Confused and Disgusted - 23/02/2015 23:42 - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 196

You deserved it 2 409

By Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen - 27/10/2016 03:19 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 562

You deserved it 2 627

YouTube Drama

By Youtube drama sucks - 04/02/2021 22:58

Today, I went down a four-hour YouTube rabbit hole trying to understand the Onision drama. I finally snapped out if it, thinking, "I don't care about any of this. What am I doing with my life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 413

By anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 068

You deserved it 8 759

By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 10:13 - United States

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails at the table, in a restaurant on a first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 750

You deserved it 2 981

By Anonymous - 04/06/2016 14:52 - United States - Bethlehem

Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 931

By OnPlanetVenus - 04/07/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Spicy

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 305

You deserved it 6 128

By SGreene - 06/05/2017 20:00

Today, a storm dropped a tree across my road. I would have moved it with my tractor, but there was a tree on that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 328

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 346

You deserved it 6 571

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend of 5 months runs a website where men can submit nude or semi nude pictures of their ex's for revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 772

You deserved it 5 606

By Lucachoo - 21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 581

You deserved it 1 978

Spooky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 20:04

Today. my nana got a text from my dead grandad's phone number. His phone was stolen about 3 weeks before he died, but the shock of suddenly getting a text from him after the funeral gave her a heart attack. The doctor says with her other health issues, she might not make it through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 33

By banana12321 - 02/04/2015 04:40 - United States - Fresno

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 178

You deserved it 30 343

By friendlessatwork - 02/10/2012 18:27 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 653

You deserved it 3 689

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:45

You did

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:49

Urine trouble now.

Comments

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:45

You did

AsiaTheMega123 1

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:54

Exactly

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 0:23

this happened to me when I was on a wild bender with Charlie sheen. a couple of hookers dared me to balance a cup of pee on my nose, in my inebriated state it was impossible. needless to say I ended up nose deep in hooker pee. good times...

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 0:55

ew gross! ^^

relyo 0

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 1:41

Actually he pissed himself by proxy.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 6:24

I said the exact same two words

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 7:49

haha u suck FYL bc I'm WINNING

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:16

So delicious!

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:12

like you ;) ^^

BananaPancakesJJ 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:19

You must have been pissed about that.

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Friday 11 March 2011 0:35

FTW!!! winning!

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 0:41

You're taking The words out of my mouth xD

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:48

Uhm, well, you sort of did. It's actually even dumber than pissing yourself, because that's just a matter of losing control of your bladder, whereas dropping a urine sample on yourself is just plain stupid.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 0:00

How do you figure? People drop things more often than pissing themselves.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 1:50

And you wouldn't take extra care with a cup of piss...?

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 1:56

Just like you should take care holding a phone or any other fragile object, yet they still slip from people's grasps.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 5:12

If you're using the cell phone, I bet it takes "concentration" to keep it in the position you want it to remain.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 5:19

Before anyone reads my comment and doesn't get what I'm saying, it doesn't take concentration to hold a cup of piss upright or to move with it, you just overcompensate because you're psyched out there's piss in the cup...

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 6:21

My point is, you don't want to drop things that have some sort of negative consequence, but people still drop things all the time... My original reason why I posted is because dropping a cup of piss has nothing to do with intelligence.

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Friday 11 March 2011 2:03

Jesus docscientist is right. it was a fucking accident. this other dumb bitch needs to shut up.

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 4:54

collfenstien and docscientist are right. I'm not saying it takes a genius to hold a cup, but people drop/spill liquids all the time. A real dumbass is someone who doesn't know when they need to piss. it's not "lack of control" it's just not having the sense to go to the bathroom. Dumb fucks.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:49

FAIL! I'm sure that sight was very much attractive

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:49

yeahhh... it doesn't just LOOK like you pissed yourself. It's kinda the same.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:49

Urine trouble now.

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 0:02

haha

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 1:22

lol(:

sephoraprincess 7

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 5:53

lol I lovvee you xD

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 7:26

this one's actually funny

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Friday 15 July 2011 5:58

you are now officially my hero. that was amazing

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:49

Now they won't know you have been smoking weed! :D

meowmeowwkitty 0

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 7:27

I was thinking now they WILL know. if it was someone elses piss he was trying to sneak in, that's what I got out of this FML

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 16:57

69... we ahould

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 16:59

so apparently autocorrect doesn't take affect until after u hit send *should

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:52

how ironic. lol

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:58

you kind of did...

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 1:24

Hahaha, I said the exact same thing when I got done reading this.

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 23:58

who drops there pee i mean its pee n a cup?

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 4:01

What in the hell did you say?

rarr 0

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 5:05

"Who drops their pee? I mean it's *only pee in a cup."

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Saturday 12 March 2011 16:17

fucking nigs man..learn to spell and form complete sentences.

Civilianswilldie 0

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Tuesday 15 March 2011 5:16

I just lost 7 IQ points reading your comment.

jordanprodigy023 0

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Wednesday 9 March 2011 0:00

YDI

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 68

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 43