Love: Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had...

By Ryuga - 11/06/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 720

You deserved it 5 124

Love

Mama's boy

Classic

People don't always get sarcasm

By AwkwardWaitress - 20/03/2011 23:29 - United Kingdom

Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 761

You deserved it 15 664

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 751

You deserved it 47 241

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 204

You deserved it 245 816

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:00 - New Zealand

Today, I'm ignored and bored so much at my dream job that I've started bringing in my fanfiction to write when no one is around. Which is 80% of the day. I'm training to be a civil engineer. My experience writing fanfiction should take me really far in my chosen career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 309

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 1 013

By Anonymous - 19/04/2015 15:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 7 850

By Scarlett - 26/04/2011 17:28 - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 501

You deserved it 6 124

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 445

You deserved it 4 943

By c - 09/02/2012 00:07

Today, I finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him. His response was to start to snore, pretending to be asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 073

You deserved it 3 854

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 20:00

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 831

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 187

You deserved it 30 701

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 045

You deserved it 1 239

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a licensed child psychologist with 20 years of experience threw my son out after his first appointment, with the immortal line, “You must be taking the piss, there’s a church in town, you’re gonna need their help more than mine.” He’s probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 127

By fuckmyliiiiiiife - 01/05/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 371

You deserved it 25 912

Glittery letters

By Anonymous - 27/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 421

By pierced. - 25/06/2014 04:29 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 784

You deserved it 6 105

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 458

You deserved it 6 785

By anonymous - 23/04/2009 01:46 - United States

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 193

You deserved it 4 944

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 852

You deserved it 2 439

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 22:25 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 536

You deserved it 1 332

By muffincakess - 21/01/2010 00:55 - France

Today, I went to buy some spray paint for a project. I've never used a spray can before, so I decided to try it on paper provided. Unfortunately I didn't hold the can the right way and ended up with black, permanent, paint all over my face in the middle of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 910

You deserved it 36 986

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 036

You deserved it 7 732

NRA fanboy

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 05:04

Today, I finally confronted my husband about his silicon *wedding ring* having rifle bullets on it. He said, "I love you as much as I love guns." I clarified, "As much as?" to give him an out. He replied, 100% serious, that he really loves his guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 400

By hot_shot - 29/11/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 634

You deserved it 5 010

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 18:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 016

You deserved it 3 481

By jccwell - 23/09/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 031

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 19:26

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 016

You deserved it 32 875

By cagel - 13/12/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 696

You deserved it 2 763

Creeped out

By Really jealous - 26/01/2021 09:31 - India

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 786

You deserved it 3 308

By ehxtraordinarily pissed - 13/12/2014 18:36 - United States - Coweta

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 3 374

By Bengemon825 - 20/06/2015 19:03 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was trying to sleep in the car, and when I went to rest my face on my fist, our car hit a bump and I ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 623

You deserved it 4 161

By hurtinrealbad - 16/10/2012 17:25 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 036

You deserved it 1 964

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 17:57 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 504

You deserved it 2 367

By CASH_NoMOMEY - 07/05/2015 05:12 - United States - Windsor

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 516

You deserved it 5 575

It's out there

By anonymous - 03/09/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend showed me a video on his phone that he'd recorded of us having sex. Furious, I asked him if he'd ever shown it to anyone. His response was, "No, not really, I mean… My roommate walked in on me watching it. Oh, and my dad wanted to know how our relationship was going, I was drunk…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 133

By FUCKFACECUNT - 02/08/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 2 374

By Ezzie - 29/08/2018 03:30

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 2 733

By monogamyisalie - 23/07/2015 17:29 - United States

Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 966

You deserved it 2 762

By Jeff - 15/07/2014 20:37 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 516

You deserved it 11 767

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Top comments

Durf 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:14

why not jump in?

smiller0789 3

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:17

At least you got a free show out of the deal :p

PhAndrew 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:13

NICE! ask if they want to three some

epicenur 2

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:02

haha ooh-right

jpwdragon 0

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Friday 16 April 2010 11:53

I totally agree, bit of bi on the side is nothing to be afraid of, mmmmm... lesbians!

joqez 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 4:18

come on, why does everybody has to say that when it's about lesbians...

GlassJAwkidE 3

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:13

hahahaha thats sucks

teotsi 28

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Tuesday 22 April 2014 13:34

There's a button for that...

Durf 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:14

why not jump in?

HeyitsPheddy 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:16

There's plenty of fish in the sea out there, kiddo. Hopefully you don't turn the rest of them into lesbians, too.

xXCrazyPersonXx 0

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Friday 6 August 2010 17:21

lolz win ^^

madd_coww_diseas 0

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Saturday 18 September 2010 14:45

funnier than the actual FML... :]

gdude756 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:17

3 way anyone?

smiller0789 3

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:17

At least you got a free show out of the deal :p

ASUdec 0

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:18

How could that be bad?! THREESOME!

waspbr 4

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:26

exactly how is this a FML? some people just have it too easy.

redbluegreen 40

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Thursday 11 June 2009 10:27

Oh snap! But you know, not every girl that makes out with another girl is just into girls. Just sayin'. And if you only wanted to tell her how you felt, do you really have anything to lose?