Love: Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had... - FML

By Ryuga - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

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Motormouth

Stress level: 2020

I'm a mess

By Anonameow - United States - Nanticoke

Today, I'm recovering from surgery. Every time I laugh, it hurts so badly I start to cry, which hurts even worse and makes it difficult to breathe. The painkillers I'm on make everything seem funny. I laughed so hard at a dumb pun that I nearly passed out. FML

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By Broken - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

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By JH - United States

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

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By EpicOracle - 13/2/2021 13:57

Praise the Lord!

Today, I woke up to my friends-with-benefits asking me why I didn't pray after waking up. We had an all nighter and I don't even know if that's something to be worried about. FML

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By bcoper - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

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By limecat - United States

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Pay up!

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

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By Anonymous

Family coincidence

Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 20:08

Suspicious Minds

Today, I found out that my parents have always believed that every single time I have ever showed emotion, I was faking it and that I'm actually a sociopath with no feelings. I was kicked out of the theater department at my college for my poor acting skills, and they know it. FML

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By GoulashQueen - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

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By whattheheck - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

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By jaycee - United States

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

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By ShakeRattleHiss - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

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By Numb - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

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By Stellarum - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

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By Anonymous

Racing rats

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

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By tacky_unrefined - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

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By mikuxxhatsune - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML

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By even axe would smell better - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

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By sad as shit - United States - Conway

Today, my life finally seemed to be getting on track after recovering from major depression, paying off most of my debt, and scoring an amazing job. And then I woke up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Floral Park

Today, I was fired from the job I've had for 15 years. My boss recently hired his daughter as a senior manager and she made several cuts because, as she put it, the sales team was "too old and lame". I didn't know being a young bitch was a requirement to work at a furniture warehouse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

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By ~~~ - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

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By dont_shit_where_i_eat

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

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By Bulldogs09 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

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By Dfacta - United States

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

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By QuinnyZebrass - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

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By ChelseaRae - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

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By Vahootie - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

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By WoofWoof - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

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By Amandajean32 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

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By livay315 - United States

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

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Top comments

By Durf | 0

#292639 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:14

why not jump in?

By smiller0789 | 3

#292655 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:17

At least you got a free show out of the deal :p

COMMENTS

By PhAndrew | 0

#292631 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:13

NICE! ask if they want to three some

Reply

epicenur | 2

#974981 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:02

haha ooh-right

Reply

jpwdragon | 0

#980302 - Friday 16 April 2010 11:53

I totally agree, bit of bi on the side is nothing to be afraid of, mmmmm... lesbians!

Reply

joqez | 0

#1210306 - Monday 9 August 2010 4:18

come on, why does everybody has to say that when it's about lesbians...

By GlassJAwkidE | 3

#292635 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:13

hahahaha thats sucks

Reply

teotsi | 28

#5922724 - Tuesday 22 April 2014 13:34

There's a button for that...

By Durf | 0

#292639 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:14

why not jump in?

By HeyitsPheddy | 0

#292647 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:16

There's plenty of fish in the sea out there, kiddo. Hopefully you don't turn the rest of them into lesbians, too.

Reply

xXCrazyPersonXx | 0

#1199804 - Friday 6 August 2010 17:21

lolz win ^^

Reply

madd_coww_diseas | 0

#1422698 - Saturday 18 September 2010 14:45

funnier than the actual FML... :]

By gdude756 | 0

#292652 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:17

3 way anyone?

By smiller0789 | 3

#292655 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:17

At least you got a free show out of the deal :p

By ASUdec | 0

#292658 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:18

How could that be bad?! THREESOME!

By waspbr | 4

#292675 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:26

exactly how is this a FML? some people just have it too easy.

By redbluegreen | 40

#292677 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:27

Oh snap! But you know, not every girl that makes out with another girl is just into girls. Just sayin'.

And if you only wanted to tell her how you felt, do you really have anything to lose?

Reply

jpwdragon | 0

#980303 - Friday 16 April 2010 11:55

do you know many girls who make out with girls for fun, if so... numbers would be nice!

Reply

ReturnOfTheRat | 6

#4824146 - Friday 17 August 2012 2:56

212 I'm pretty sure she was talking about girls being bi, not girls doing it just for fun.

By irrelevantxx | 0

#292682 - Thursday 11 June 2009 10:28

Yesss!
I moderated this. Lmfao.
EPIC.