Love: Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason... - FML

By Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

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Do as I say, not as I do

OK, well, goodbye

The ole answer/forward conundrum

By Anonymous

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

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By hypocrite - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

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By Scott - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

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By woodless - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied "I'm Kate thanks". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML

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By wideawake - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

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By Mary Kathryn - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

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By Julez - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

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By _philliesfan - United States

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

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By TedX - 19/8/2020 20:07

Denial

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

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By Emoney1 - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

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By Phoebe - Singapore

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

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By Yeppets - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous

Freak out!

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

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By Anonim23

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

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By stargirl - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

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By Foster_Em - United States

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

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By she won't see a therapist - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

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By drunkboysgf - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

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By RIP job - Australia

Today, I had a job interview for an amazing opportunity. Too bad my nerves made me forget what the role was and where it was, mid-interview. FML

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By biblepain - United States - Tucson

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

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By joeshmoe - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

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By melon squash - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

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By WhereforeArtThouJustice - Portugal

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

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By WorstLifeEver - United States

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

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By lisha182 - Australia

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

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By Ricky - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

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By FreeOfCharge - Canada

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

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By Malcolm654 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

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By stampslife - Canada - Agassiz

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

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By Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

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By Nate - 21/12/2020 11:02

Born to run

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

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Top comments

By thejonac | 21

#6335309 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:27

just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

By A07 | 48

#6335331 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

This is where you text and tell him he's cancelled OP

COMMENTS

By Miss_Mandi | 29

#6335308 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:26

You know him, OP. Probably did it that time on purpose, though.

Reply

zahidnasir | 22

#6335838 - Monday 29 June 2015 20:22

Its all about priorities

Reply

ScarredVox92 | 16

#6335941 - Monday 29 June 2015 22:33

I say dump him.

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#6336138 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 5:26

If he doesn't respect you enough to keep dates with you then he doesn't deserve to be broken up face to face with

By thejonac | 21

#6335309 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:27

just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6335517 - Monday 29 June 2015 14:23

Yeah, but then she might get called a coward by their friends and she might not get to tell her side of the story.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6335614 - Monday 29 June 2015 16:27

Then those "friends" deserve the same treatment as her ex. If friends won't at least let you tell your side, let alone call you a coward, they aren't worth the time either.

Reply

lexwilder | 16

#6335645 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:01

No I agree, text is justified at this point.

Reply

gichikku | 14

#6335670 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:52

#31, she could put in the text about how she tried face to face and he cancelled every time. Then she could show that as proof if needed, though she shouldn't need to justify herself with anyone in my opinion.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6335672 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:54

I was referring to the previous "text break-up" FML. I thought it was obvious.

By Stormcloak | 20

#6335316 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:29

Let's be honest here. Is that really such a surprise knowing how he generally is with dates?

By tormcn | 26

#6335328 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:32

So.. did the breakup end face to face, or did it become through texting?

By Nismoking240 | 2

#6335330 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:33

Like the fact you wanted to do it in person but if he didn't show up for the other times what's different now lol

By A07 | 48

#6335331 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

This is where you text and tell him he's cancelled OP

By aleemoe45 | 15

#6335334 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

Definitely not boyfriend material, dump him.

Reply

ohjoy15 | 33

#6335362 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:57

"Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend". First line. She was already intending to dump him.

Reply

aleemoe45 | 15

#6336309 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:46

Gotcha

By RarityRoyale | 17

#6335348 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:45

This is definitely the rare time where breaking up via text message/facebook is acceptable

Reply

usnwife | 18

#6335530 - Monday 29 June 2015 14:40

Public post to his facebook wall. "I was going to do this in person, but since you cancelled on me - again - Im left with no choice. We're over."

By jackipdoc | 31

#6335350 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:46

At least you tried to be nice. I don't say this often, but he sounds like the kind of person that entirely deserves a text breakup.

By carcinoid | 17

#6335354 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:47

There's no pun for this; just ditch him whenever he wants to go to bed with you.