Love: Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason...

By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/06/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 745

You deserved it 2 578

Love

You tried

Mother of the year

Great family you've got there

By whyme27 - 06/06/2012 01:19 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 471

You deserved it 4 328

Hi how are you?

By KereKris - 17/06/2020 14:05

Today, I texted my boss, "I'm looking forward to doing you" instead of, "I'm looking forward to seeing you" thanks to a very unfortunate combination of my atrocious typing skills on a smartphone and an overzealous autocorrect function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 389

By :/ - 01/10/2013 10:18

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 202

You deserved it 17 432

By Redhead - 22/08/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 418

You deserved it 877

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 415

You deserved it 16 507

Dr. House

By Doctor! - 05/03/2017 00:00

Today, I found that I have a rare side effect to the hydrocodone prescribed after surgery. One pill keeps me up for almost 24 hours. Either I'm in tremendous pain and try to sleep, or I'm not in much pain and stay awake. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 061

You deserved it 392

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 17:31 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 3 585

Merry Christmas, or not

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 05:02

Today, I got a quick COVID test and got a positive result. Christmas is in 3 days, my son and husband have to stay with my mom and Christmas is my favorite holiday. I've never been away from them this long and it is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 1 357

Bad guy

By not the bad guy - 25/11/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my ex is bad-mouthing me, saying I dumped her because she got fat. That’s not true. I left because she completely gave up on life, no matter how much I tried to help. Not only did I get her gym membership, I even paid out of pocket for a mental health professional. That’s not cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 196

By Hello - 20/06/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 3 960

By hornyloser - 02/05/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 853

You deserved it 70 131

Flee!

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01

Today, the family member who molested me for several years as a kid, works as a social worker in the same building where I’m treated for the unresolved trauma they caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 67

By Drunkactor - 03/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 99

By ew - 03/11/2015 15:43 - United States - Pickens

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 571

You deserved it 2 161

By GiantsFan13 - 23/07/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 771

You deserved it 8 551

By desigirl - 10/11/2015 01:03 - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 135

You deserved it 3 407

By KBO - 08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 025

You deserved it 43 315

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was "ugh". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 747

You deserved it 2 531

By SorryUncleTommy - 01/10/2012 04:23 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 211

You deserved it 7 041

By Harry - 20/07/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 543

You deserved it 3 189

By CollegeStudent - 26/11/2016 05:55

Today, after being excited and trying to make plans with all my friends, they all turned out to be busy. After watching Netflix most of the night, I check my Snapchat stories only to see them all hanging out without me at one of their houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 273

You deserved it 851

By sydneyp3435 - 11/06/2013 04:39 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 575

You deserved it 5 653

Oh, hai Mark

By grossuncle - 25/02/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple of pages, I saw my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 2 839

By thissucks - 21/02/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 483

You deserved it 3 400

By Anonymous - 11/06/2018 20:30

Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 3 443

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By t…… - 23/10/2021 11:00

Today, my coworkers were trying to teach me how to play a card game. There was one rule that I just couldn’t wrap my head around, even with three of my coworkers explaining it in different ways. It just didn’t make any sense whatsoever to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 208

By ko - 09/12/2012 00:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 009

You deserved it 2 151

By bleu_noir - 14/02/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 525

You deserved it 4 460

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 02:02

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 161

By Fmyhair - 27/04/2009 18:39 - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 38 235

By artsmart1 - 06/03/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 2 918

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 18:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 751

You deserved it 7 793

By queen_lol - 10/05/2016 17:14 - United States

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 417

You deserved it 2 163

By Chard of Glass - 04/10/2016 12:45 - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 601

You deserved it 1 155

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 06:55 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 062

You deserved it 1 590

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 05:10 - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be qualified for a position, be a nice person and enthusiastic about working, but as soon as the boss has a relative looking for a job, nepotism wins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 353

You deserved it 2 771

By Vampire Teabag - 12/02/2015 16:25 - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 722

You deserved it 3 454

By sneezer - 30/12/2008 04:54 - France

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 086

You deserved it 6 958

By Brittany - 01/03/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 034

You deserved it 56 421

By mimimi - 30/12/2008 06:24 - France

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 887

You deserved it 5 895

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