Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason... - FML

By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/6/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

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Ghosted

Headache

Peaky Bladders

By anon - 6/3/2017 00:00

Smells like Toddler Spirit

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

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By hawaiiansokkrboi - 19/4/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

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By IHateMyLife - 22/9/2012 06:59 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

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By hotboxed - 13/7/2019 18:30

Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML

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By sadguy - 22/9/2009 18:30 - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the 2 carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

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By Eyefreshener - 14/7/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

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By mysea8679 - 12/6/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

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By RootyTootToot - 31/8/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

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By Jong - 10/3/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

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By ishweta56 - 17/1/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 16:00

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

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By kingpin9219 - 30/5/2011 04:29 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 06:00 - United States

Beat It

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

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By Not Mrs Soprano - 8/7/2013 11:57 - United States - Irvington

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2011 12:11 - United States

Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML

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By really? - 13/8/2013 06:58 - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By mista_sandy - 11/4/2012 16:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

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By exchange - 17/12/2009 05:00 - Ireland

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

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By hospital - 5/10/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I started my first day at a new hospital. My first assignment? Shave an elderly man's testicles. FML

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By julesmommy - 8/9/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

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By preggersss - 19/7/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

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By IceCreamCraver - 16/8/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

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By totallyscrewedomg - 25/1/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

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By future brain bleach addict - 2/5/2013 23:54 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

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By pixie - 17/2/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said "you smell really good." He turned to me and said "You don't." FML

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By Hahamaster333 - 28/3/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

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By FML - 5/1/2012 15:56 - United States

Today, I received a ticket for not having my headlights on. The cop who pulled me over had a broken headlight. FML

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By Minnie - 12/6/2016 13:33 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

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By Anon - 22/3/2012 23:32 - United States - Stony Point

Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

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By home owner - 20/8/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2015 13:29 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

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By FootInMouth - 20/1/2015 19:16 - South Africa

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

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By theman - 21/5/2009 20:49

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

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By emily - 30/7/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

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Top comments

By thejonac | 21

#6335309 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:27

just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

By A07 | 48

#6335331 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

This is where you text and tell him he's cancelled OP

COMMENTS

By Miss_Mandi | 29

#6335308 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:26

You know him, OP. Probably did it that time on purpose, though.

Reply

zahidnasir | 22

#6335838 - Monday 29 June 2015 20:22

Its all about priorities

Reply

ScarredVox92 | 16

#6335941 - Monday 29 June 2015 22:33

I say dump him.

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#6336138 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 5:26

If he doesn't respect you enough to keep dates with you then he doesn't deserve to be broken up face to face with

By thejonac | 21

#6335309 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:27

just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6335517 - Monday 29 June 2015 14:23

Yeah, but then she might get called a coward by their friends and she might not get to tell her side of the story.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6335614 - Monday 29 June 2015 16:27

Then those "friends" deserve the same treatment as her ex. If friends won't at least let you tell your side, let alone call you a coward, they aren't worth the time either.

Reply

lexwilder | 16

#6335645 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:01

No I agree, text is justified at this point.

Reply

gichikku | 14

#6335670 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:52

#31, she could put in the text about how she tried face to face and he cancelled every time. Then she could show that as proof if needed, though she shouldn't need to justify herself with anyone in my opinion.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6335672 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:54

I was referring to the previous "text break-up" FML. I thought it was obvious.

By Stormcloak | 20

#6335316 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:29

Let's be honest here. Is that really such a surprise knowing how he generally is with dates?

By tormcn | 26

#6335328 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:32

So.. did the breakup end face to face, or did it become through texting?

By Nismoking240 | 2

#6335330 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:33

Like the fact you wanted to do it in person but if he didn't show up for the other times what's different now lol

By A07 | 48

#6335331 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

This is where you text and tell him he's cancelled OP

By aleemoe45 | 15

#6335334 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

Definitely not boyfriend material, dump him.

Reply

ohjoy15 | 33

#6335362 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:57

"Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend". First line. She was already intending to dump him.

Reply

aleemoe45 | 15

#6336309 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:46

Gotcha

By RarityRoyale | 17

#6335348 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:45

This is definitely the rare time where breaking up via text message/facebook is acceptable

Reply

usnwife | 18

#6335530 - Monday 29 June 2015 14:40

Public post to his facebook wall. "I was going to do this in person, but since you cancelled on me - again - Im left with no choice. We're over."

By jackipdoc | 31

#6335350 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:46

At least you tried to be nice. I don't say this often, but he sounds like the kind of person that entirely deserves a text breakup.

By carcinoid | 17

#6335354 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:47

There's no pun for this; just ditch him whenever he wants to go to bed with you.