Love: Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason... - FML

By Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28726

You deserved it

2574

Tweet

Share

Late term

And today, on Dr Phil…

Fresh air

By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33308

You deserved it

4019

Tweet

Share

By Sybil90 - United States

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7462

You deserved it

44656

Tweet

Share

By Ican'tgotoschoolapparently - United States - Vancouver

Today, I found out after $200 worth of checks and tests, three rugs being ruined from her peeing and pooping on them, that my cat isn't sick. She just has really bad separation anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10299

You deserved it

1155

Tweet

Share

By nano123

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

508

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35313

You deserved it

18330

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally covfefe

I agree, your life sucks

2828

You deserved it

1554

Tweet

Share

By sting - United States - Valencia

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31600

You deserved it

16418

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20286

You deserved it

51831

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I decided I had gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40983

You deserved it

8353

Tweet

Share

By ChrissySoltys - Canada

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13431

You deserved it

56620

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26549

You deserved it

3387

Tweet

Share

By NotAPrincess - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30225

You deserved it

12563

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17088

You deserved it

1186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39019

You deserved it

2739

Tweet

Share

By pissed off - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43627

You deserved it

14910

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14999

You deserved it

45422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - India

Mask off

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By RENThead - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24758

You deserved it

1582

Tweet

Share

By Jake - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50862

You deserved it

6483

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58167

You deserved it

3414

Tweet

Share

By aylla - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28871

You deserved it

2389

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Butler

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30581

You deserved it

7688

Tweet

Share

By Ihatemyjob - United States - Vermilion

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37537

You deserved it

3103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2731

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21769

You deserved it

35695

Tweet

Share

By Jen

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11684

You deserved it

608

Tweet

Share

By koletatlow19 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26982

You deserved it

3813

Tweet

Share

By stressedoutsquaddie - United Kingdom - York

Today, while away on training with the army, my housemates rang me to tell me some news. They had found a perfect house for next year and they had put an offer on it. The only problem? There are 5 of us and the house is for 4. Guess who hasn't been included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19639

You deserved it

1286

Tweet

Share

By crutchy - United States

Today, at the age of 16, I'm recovering from hip surgery. My friends took me out to the movies to cheer me up. They thought it would be hilarious to steal my crutches and leave me stranded and alone in the mall, multiple times. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45400

You deserved it

4057

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34104

You deserved it

2872

Tweet

Share

By Di Da - 6/7/2020 23:02

Ghosted

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By happybirthday2me - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, it's my 25th birthday, I celebrated it by cooking my favourite meal for my parents and sister, while they watched TV and house-hunted for my sister. I have yet to hear a happy birthday, receive a card, a present or a phone call. Oh, and my parents are on a diet, so they complained my cooking wasn’t "on their plan." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2042

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47495

You deserved it

15836

Tweet

Share

By DogStew

Pumped-up Tanks

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

596

You deserved it

1773

Tweet

Share

By Terri-Lynn - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24682

You deserved it

4396

Tweet

Share

By yuck - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44101

You deserved it

12384

Tweet

Share

By sicktomystomach - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70589

You deserved it

5195

Tweet

Share

By footinmouth - United States

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11888

You deserved it

38597

Tweet

Share

By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4477

You deserved it

767

Tweet

Share

By fmlll - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26069

You deserved it

59732

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By thejonac | 21

#6335309 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:27

just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

By A07 | 48

#6335331 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

This is where you text and tell him he's cancelled OP

COMMENTS

By Miss_Mandi | 29

#6335308 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:26

You know him, OP. Probably did it that time on purpose, though.

Reply

zahidnasir | 22

#6335838 - Monday 29 June 2015 20:22

Its all about priorities

Reply

ScarredVox92 | 16

#6335941 - Monday 29 June 2015 22:33

I say dump him.

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#6336138 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 5:26

If he doesn't respect you enough to keep dates with you then he doesn't deserve to be broken up face to face with

By thejonac | 21

#6335309 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:27

just proves you're making the right decision to break up w him. just dump him via text because he asked for it anyways.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6335517 - Monday 29 June 2015 14:23

Yeah, but then she might get called a coward by their friends and she might not get to tell her side of the story.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#6335614 - Monday 29 June 2015 16:27

Then those "friends" deserve the same treatment as her ex. If friends won't at least let you tell your side, let alone call you a coward, they aren't worth the time either.

Reply

lexwilder | 16

#6335645 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:01

No I agree, text is justified at this point.

Reply

gichikku | 14

#6335670 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:52

#31, she could put in the text about how she tried face to face and he cancelled every time. Then she could show that as proof if needed, though she shouldn't need to justify herself with anyone in my opinion.

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#6335672 - Monday 29 June 2015 17:54

I was referring to the previous "text break-up" FML. I thought it was obvious.

By Stormcloak | 20

#6335316 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:29

Let's be honest here. Is that really such a surprise knowing how he generally is with dates?

By tormcn | 26

#6335328 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:32

So.. did the breakup end face to face, or did it become through texting?

By Nismoking240 | 2

#6335330 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:33

Like the fact you wanted to do it in person but if he didn't show up for the other times what's different now lol

By A07 | 48

#6335331 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

This is where you text and tell him he's cancelled OP

By aleemoe45 | 15

#6335334 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:34

Definitely not boyfriend material, dump him.

Reply

ohjoy15 | 33

#6335362 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:57

"Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend". First line. She was already intending to dump him.

Reply

aleemoe45 | 15

#6336309 - Tuesday 30 June 2015 11:46

Gotcha

By RarityRoyale | 17

#6335348 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:45

This is definitely the rare time where breaking up via text message/facebook is acceptable

Reply

usnwife | 18

#6335530 - Monday 29 June 2015 14:40

Public post to his facebook wall. "I was going to do this in person, but since you cancelled on me - again - Im left with no choice. We're over."

By jackipdoc | 31

#6335350 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:46

At least you tried to be nice. I don't say this often, but he sounds like the kind of person that entirely deserves a text breakup.

By carcinoid | 17

#6335354 - Monday 29 June 2015 8:47

There's no pun for this; just ditch him whenever he wants to go to bed with you.