Kids: Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively...

By Jane - 22/12/2012 23:29 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 836

You deserved it 6 133

Kids

Own it

Late term

The smell detective is on the case

A Different Kind of Tension

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 00:01

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 530

By Anonymous - 14/09/2011 13:56 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 2 742

By EggHead - 31/12/2014 04:38 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 2 581

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 459

You deserved it 4 008

By ow - 17/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 231

You deserved it 69 656

That went well

By Gigi - 02/07/2021 13:59

Today, my now ex-fiancé walked out on me on our wedding day. He decided his best female friend, whom he constantly told me not to worry about while we were together, is his "soulmate." Both of them ran away together to god knows where, while I stood there humiliated in front of our family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 70

By AnHoneyMouse - 12/05/2017 02:00

Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 036

You deserved it 1 355

By MaeMoss - 18/07/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I used a man's shirt as a pillowcase and sprayed it with cologne so I wouldn't feel alone in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 960

You deserved it 8 260

By anon - 31/10/2012 04:22 - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 687

You deserved it 3 155

By I'm screwed - 13/01/2013 01:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 557

You deserved it 3 488

By Whoops... - 02/09/2018 14:30

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 711

You deserved it 284

By denting-and-venting - 10/08/2016 20:05 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found a parking spot in front of my work. I parked and another car pulled into the spot just in front of me. The next thing I know, the car in front backs up and slams into my car. Turns out she didn't notice the fire hydrant next to her spot and screamed at me cause I, "stole her spot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 525

You deserved it 1 087

By "Lisa" - 11/12/2018 04:00 - Romania

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 799

You deserved it 1 359

By BloodyHorror - 11/07/2019 22:00

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 027

You deserved it 8 012

By Battlebarney - 22/09/2016 10:58 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 416

You deserved it 1 935

By llmd - 10/08/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 3 964

* backs away slowly *

By tima - 27/06/2018 01:30

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 852

You deserved it 850

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 225

You deserved it 5 011

By longing for emancipation - 30/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Mitchell

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 676

You deserved it 1 307

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 745

You deserved it 7 326

By Munch - 12/09/2017 04:00 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 868

By brhorton02 - 06/04/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 436

You deserved it 166 334

By Jim - 12/04/2018 01:30

Today, I dropped my car off at the dealership for a bumper replacement due to a hit and run in a parking lot. After being told it was ready, their shuttle picked me up, and backed up into my just-replaced bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 496

You deserved it 214

By sickmom - 21/01/2014 11:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 549

You deserved it 5 501

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 23:28 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 764

You deserved it 2 689

By BadDad - 30/04/2017 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was summoned to the bathroom by my three-year-old, who still needs help cleaning up sometimes. When I walked in, he looked so happy and proud as he pointed to the trash can saying, "Look at my big poop!". Buying a new trash can tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 763

You deserved it 654

By caseyj - 25/03/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 097

You deserved it 4 739

By seeminglyunsexy - 14/08/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 686

You deserved it 7 956

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 034

You deserved it 761

By Queasy - 24/01/2010 00:15 - Canada

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 173

You deserved it 6 032

By uglychick - 05/09/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 706

You deserved it 9 711

By Hank-T4 - 11/10/2015 11:45 - Australia - Truganina

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 088

You deserved it 46 570

By Lexi801 - 19/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 816

You deserved it 2 876

By mr.nobody - 16/12/2011 14:59 - Cyprus

Today, after I sent around 300 entries to a competition hosted by a deodorant company where the main prize is a trip to Hawaii, spending around 5 hours sending the entries, I won a deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 408

You deserved it 36 872

By Maxime - 20/11/2008 10:19 - France

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 796

You deserved it 9 796

Need beer now

By Jensen - 16/07/2021 07:01 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, I went kayaking with some friends, and I had an empty beer can dedicated to throwing cigarette butts in. After running out of beer, I took a big swig from the only can in my kayak. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 1 308

By yosmurf - 11/06/2019 00:01

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 799

You deserved it 248

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 147

By jmitch1209 - 28/01/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 846

You deserved it 3 843

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Redox127 7

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:38

Let her pay a bill and then see how she feels about her shower length.

StalkerChick 13

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:35

Just do what my mom used to do, bang on the door and yell until she gets out. Or invest in a shower timer.

StalkerChick 13

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:35

Just do what my mom used to do, bang on the door and yell until she gets out. Or invest in a shower timer.

Lindahhxd 7

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:55

Tell her that she can have all the "free" water she wants in her OWN apartment. She's 18 and doesn't know that nothing is free?

cgchamp89 7

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 11:02

That seems like a lot of work, 1. Tell her to move out or pay rent...

that_guy666 3

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 13:05

do what we do in our house, if one is taking too long turn on the hot water in the sink and it cuts off the hot in the shower. that'll get them out.

mclauren29 22

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 13:46

My parents learnt very quickly that turning the hot water off was the best way to get me out of the shower when the shower timer etc. didn't work. Sneaky bastards.

oj101 33

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 14:17

Banging on the door is the most obnoxious thing anyone can do. If someone did that to me, I would make sure their life sucks more than mine, and they'd deserve it. Had plenty of that in boarding school.

ALlamaOnFire 20

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 14:29

The most obnoxious thing anyone can do? I disagree. In this senario the daughter was wasting the parents money by increasing the water bill. They would have every right to bang on the door to tell her to get out. If she was paying for her OWN water, it would be a different matter...

etchsanity1 11

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 17:39

51- boarding school ? Sounds like your parents got sick of your long showers pretty early on. It's only obnoxious if they weren't paying for the water, unless you meant the daughters behavior was obnoxious if so then you are right ... Perhaps her parents should ship her off to boarding school.

sadistmonkey 19

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 20:35

Lindahhxd - Actually, in a lot of apartments, tenants don't pay for water.

ygdrassil 17

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 20:36

Water is pretty cheap, depending on where you live. The real cost is in the electricity or natural gas to heat it.

Peachy2392 26

Send a private message

Monday 4 November 2013 6:25

Wasn't this part of an episode of 8 Simple Rules?

Redox127 7

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:38

Let her pay a bill and then see how she feels about her shower length.

mcBe 6

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 20:33

My mom just flushes the toilet in the other bathroom to screw with the shower temperature

ideasrule 13

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 21:40

It's about 8 cents per shower. Sure, make her pay for it. She'll probably take even longer showers once she realizes how inexpensive it is.

toastedjellybowl 7

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 21:43

You have absolutely no idea. If you think it's that cheap, then you've obviously never paid a water bill.

LolFMLnot 10

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:41

Sometimes it feels good to take a long shower, but paying the bill is another story.

ropeandneck 7

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 19:28

get rid of your detachable shower head, she will be single again...

Ajwc101 24

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 9:41

Use up most of the hot water.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Send a private message

Sunday 23 December 2012 12:31

Hot water is heated by gas or electricity, which also costs. Cutting your nose to spite your face...good call.

Ajwc101 24

Send a private message

Monday 24 December 2012 10:16

If you do chores like fishes and stuff before she takes a shower there won't be much left.

sens3sfailing 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 25 December 2012 7:18

In my house we do not have a set amount of warm water. I have a heater that can heat all of the water coming from our well, so we never need to worry our warm water will run out