Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/2/2018 15:00

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5296

You deserved it

448

Tweet

Share

Deep-seated resentment

A beautiful truck decoration

Spooky

By Knaxer - 12/12/2015 17:22 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19861

You deserved it

6523

Tweet

Share

By heronlydaughter - 23/11/2010 03:58 - United States

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30350

You deserved it

4165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2018 13:30

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3957

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By CapeRanger - 4/10/2009 18:13 - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54768

You deserved it

4751

Tweet

Share

By MR - 10/3/2010 18:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum decided to teach me a lesson about carelessly leaving my wallet about. She left it on the floor so our puppy could use it and its contents as a chew toy. I was almost impressed to discover that he can eat three £20 notes and still have room for debit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27946

You deserved it

9079

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous. - 31/12/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33500

You deserved it

4979

Tweet

Share

By crybaby - 1/2/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34517

You deserved it

4116

Tweet

Share

By Anonim23 - 15/8/2019 20:00

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By Iarla_ceapaire93 - 16/6/2015 17:27 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28398

You deserved it

5540

Tweet

Share

By brutality - 15/6/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41825

You deserved it

4095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/2/2015 10:33 - Australia - Maddington

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27146

You deserved it

13168

Tweet

Share

By mass message - 16/10/2011 00:47 - Canada

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9064

You deserved it

69732

Tweet

Share

By - 19/1/2020 18:00

Romantic gesture

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5978

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/2/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4908

You deserved it

403

Tweet

Share

By Jade - 25/4/2011 13:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55222

You deserved it

9638

Tweet

Share

By tkrause - 1/4/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41293

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By pharmn00b - 8/7/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was calling customers to tell them that they had prescriptions waiting to be picked up. It was a long list and every time I reached an answering machine I left our number so they could call us back. When I was finished, the pharmacist told me I been giving out our fax number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17829

You deserved it

39103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 17:15 - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12524

You deserved it

33551

Tweet

Share

By WronglySad619 - 26/1/2011 10:31 - United States

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18881

You deserved it

28467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 09:46 - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22934

You deserved it

3571

Tweet

Share

By King.Dick. - 2/4/2015 14:21 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30939

You deserved it

2960

Tweet

Share

By married and hates - 19/12/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38240

You deserved it

5594

Tweet

Share

By Heart-Broken - 9/4/2015 01:58 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36768

You deserved it

3576

Tweet

Share

By CoolStoryBro - 29/3/2013 08:23

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41706

You deserved it

3578

Tweet

Share

By vanillapudding6 - 14/10/2015 01:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27053

You deserved it

1548

Tweet

Share

By shithead - 18/9/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9745

You deserved it

50969

Tweet

Share

By margelover - 11/10/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38969

You deserved it

8999

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48012

You deserved it

12376

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28228

You deserved it

11839

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32134

You deserved it

5237

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 3/1/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31528

You deserved it

2960

Tweet

Share

By Sam - 1/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10752

You deserved it

58765

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 8/2/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29008

You deserved it

7595

Tweet

Share

By Yue - 23/11/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35164

You deserved it

2595

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/2/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44858

You deserved it

11908

Tweet

Share

By Magaña.i.am - 16/4/2019 16:00

Today, I was halfway through eating a what I though was a delicious sandwich, when I turned it over and saw nasty green mold on the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1670

You deserved it

438

Tweet

Share

By boiled ladybits - 25/6/2020 14:02

Call the waaaambulance!

Today, I was in the shower having a little fun with the detachable shower head. I didn’t know anyone else was home until I heard a toilet flush and scalding hot water flooded my cooch. I think I need to go to the ER, but I’m too embarrassed to ask for a ride there. I can’t walk or sit properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1591

You deserved it

400

Tweet

Share

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - 8/8/2016 19:12 - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12706

You deserved it

3024

Tweet

Share

By laxguy23 - 21/4/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66816

You deserved it

3466

Tweet

Share

By noooo!!! - 19/4/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22384

You deserved it

3931

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7596491 - Thursday 8 February 2018 17:38

Never let your dad in your house again. I'd also hold him responsible for all the missing items that were stolen.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7596452 - Thursday 8 February 2018 15:48

You ought to open a can of jiu-jitsu whoop-ass on him!

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7596444 - Thursday 8 February 2018 15:32

You had one job, dad! One job!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7596452 - Thursday 8 February 2018 15:48

You ought to open a can of jiu-jitsu whoop-ass on him!

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7596491 - Thursday 8 February 2018 17:38

Never let your dad in your house again. I'd also hold him responsible for all the missing items that were stolen.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7596502 - Thursday 8 February 2018 18:06

Sneak his credit card and order a cleaning service on it.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7596537 - Thursday 8 February 2018 19:32

He better be getting at least 10 kilos of weed for it.

By thatslifeiguess7 | 15

#7596576 - Thursday 8 February 2018 21:27

Wow is dad going thru a midlife crisis

By boopingsnoot | 23

#7596586 - Thursday 8 February 2018 21:55

Call the cops

By carandcartoonfan | 1

#7597106 - Friday 9 February 2018 23:13

you should tell your mom to divorce your dad or you can kick him in the nuts

By CoyoteOldOne | 17

#7597589 - Sunday 11 February 2018 8:19

Maybe you should let a pack of raccoons into his house for a party.

By unintended_consequence | 5

#7599060 - Wednesday 14 February 2018 19:46

canabisome?