Love: Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the...

By betrayed - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

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Love

There's no helping some people

Messed up

The road to hell…

By madgf - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

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Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

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By wotwzombie - United States

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

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By clairebear104 - United States - Louisville

Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

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By just realized - 16/9/2020 23:03 - United States

Weird projection, but OK

Today, I realized that when someone's pregnant or introduces me to their kids, they're saying, "I had sex with this person" and now I can’t stop visualizing it. Keep me out of your personal life, Tom. FML

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By oops123 - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

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By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

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By Fwick - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

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By jerry Jerry Jerry - 15/5/2020 17:00

All in the family

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

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By notgood - 4/1/2021 16:01 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I accidentally took an Ex Lax instead of an Immodium. It's gonna be a fun night. FML

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By W T F - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marion

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

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By kayt240 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

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By M.SHUKRI - United States - Round Lake

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

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By hmb - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

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By Camera - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

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By Anonymous - Latvia - Riga

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

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By Laurendorcus - France

Today, I called out "personal" from work because I had to study for a major test that is taking place tomorrow. An hour later my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously", then I got an email that the test is being postponed. FML

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By guessimdead - United States

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

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By skjjj - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We came late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML

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By nyx - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

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By cookiecrust - Singapore

Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

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By BrokenHangLow - United States - Havelock

Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

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By barri - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

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By well SHIT - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

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By pridekills - United States - Mulberry

Today, my co-worker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

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By abrooks88 - United States

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

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By imsorrylove - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

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Top comments

By cyttex | 13

#6010196 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:00

What a douchebag and shitty friend

By HairyPunisher | 27

#6010198 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:00

They had nowhere better to go than your apartment? Time for new friends, a new girlfriend, and new locks OP.

COMMENTS

By cyttex | 13

#6010196 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:00

What a douchebag and shitty friend

katieemerr | 15

#6010246 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:14

You're better off without both of them OP!

MidnaLink | 32

#6010262 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:23

You also forgot his slut of an ex-girlfriend.

abdiG | 27

#6010288 - Thursday 17 July 2014 2:06

show your idiot best friend you got balls and kick his sorry ass motherfucker. that would teach him a valuable lesson. sorry op. fyl.

temmera | 16

#6010415 - Thursday 17 July 2014 5:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

OysterPearls | 33

#6010430 - Thursday 17 July 2014 5:27

72, they were referring to OP's girlfriend. Not that of his disloyal friend.

Kevin_Kestel | 24

#6010489 - Thursday 17 July 2014 6:51

Your definitely right. Op I'm sorry to hear it. If I were you I'd keep my head high and get rid of them both. Good luck :)

NinjaDitto623 | 14

#6010917 - Thursday 17 July 2014 20:13

Maybe he was teaching her push-ups...? Jk, FYL OP

ChaCerCam | 14

#6010990 - Thursday 17 July 2014 23:15

why so many dislikes he's being more honest than half of all the comments.

theinformer | 3

#6011098 - Friday 18 July 2014 2:44

I find it funny that this comment was down-voted as apposed to the comment calling the guy a asshole,douche,and a dick are given thumbs up, just curious.

By igive | 29

#6010197 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:00

A swift kick in the nads for him, the shins for her.

Kruiser | 16

#6010412 - Thursday 17 July 2014 5:11

When you say 'the idiot actually had the balls' you're saying that because you kicked his balls so hard they aren't functioning anymore, right? People like that shouldn't reproduce

friedpwnadge | 25

#6010431 - Thursday 17 July 2014 5:27

Guess OP has read FML enough to know we would just say to dump her anyways.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6010483 - Thursday 17 July 2014 6:33

Shins? I'm sorry, but she's getting kicked in the vagina too...

igive | 29

#6010484 - Thursday 17 July 2014 6:38

Nah his foot might get stuck.

fortune789 | 17

#6010863 - Thursday 17 July 2014 19:03

More like his foot would get sucked into a plans of oblivion.

dudecall | 18

#6011178 - Friday 18 July 2014 6:09

By HairyPunisher | 27

#6010198 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:00

They had nowhere better to go than your apartment? Time for new friends, a new girlfriend, and new locks OP.

iateapenguin | 27

#6010286 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:59

Maybe OP and his girlfriend were living together?

HairyPunisher | 27

#6010303 - Thursday 17 July 2014 2:25

Maybe. I didn't think of that. He'd better make her move out if that's the case.

salvorican | 24

#6010316 - Thursday 17 July 2014 2:47

Even so, ops ex was stupid to cheat in their own home.

TheElBurrrito | 21

#6010467 - Thursday 17 July 2014 6:15

#3, I think the second part of your statement/question still stands.

doctorhook86 | 24

#6010512 - Thursday 17 July 2014 7:38

#43: You're not wrong, but it wouldn't be any more right if she'd cheated someplace else.

meepingoreos | 6

#6013692 - Monday 21 July 2014 0:35

Maybe the best friend is his roommate.

By Meggston | 17

#6010199 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:00

I hope your best friend is an ex now too. ::(

BoltTheSuperdog | 22

#6010607 - Thursday 17 July 2014 10:37

Is that like an alien or a spider emoticon you have at the end there?

Meggston | 17

#6010774 - Thursday 17 July 2014 16:04

Alien. ^-^

By Since1998 | 20

#6010200 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:01

How did he think "we were doing pushups" was a valid excuse...

ohdode | 9

#6010228 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:09

I too teach my friends girlfriends push-ups in their underwear....

foxwasalamb | 24

#6010296 - Thursday 17 July 2014 2:16

you can see the muscles much clearer without the barrier of clothing

mike7800 | 8

#6010592 - Thursday 17 July 2014 10:10

I know! aerobics would've been much better

By annabelle92212 | 10

#6010202 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:01

wow im sorry op I hope u kicked the "best friend" to the curb after you use him as a punching bag

saba_ajira | 29

#6010523 - Thursday 17 July 2014 8:08

Its what I would have done

By thatsabiggun | 11

#6010205 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:02

Well, I'm sorry to say, but you had
a whore for a girlfriend, and an idiot for a best friend.

wildsweetchild | 19

#6010599 - Thursday 17 July 2014 10:25

at least OP got rid of both of them in one shot.

By annabelle92212 | 10

#6010206 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:02

wow im so sorry I hope u kicked ur best friend to the curb bleeding

By Vitally | 6

#6010211 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:03

Now teach her how to pick up her belongings off the street, then teach him how to dodge a punch. The second one might take a few tries before he gets it right.

grogers311 | 20

#6010331 - Thursday 17 July 2014 3:15

Best comment ever!!!

NandaPanda | 22

#6010369 - Thursday 17 July 2014 4:27

If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a punch ;D

By sharklover2017 | 11

#6010213 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:03

What a piece of shit friend! I'm a girl, and even I know bros before hoes... And this girl is definitely a how for not having the balls to end it before fucking someone else...

teentee401 | 36

#6010507 - Thursday 17 July 2014 7:30

This isn't really "bros before hoes" since he didn't chose a "hoe" over a bro.

It's more like "bros before being a dick and sleeping with your bro's girlfriend"

TiiBags | 15

#6010693 - Thursday 17 July 2014 13:27

But #93, his 'bro' chose a hoe over their friendship, i.e the rule still applies, just a little differently; bros before their hoes.