Love and Intimacy: Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He...

By feel so dirty - 11/01/2018 09:00

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 586

You deserved it 1 237

Love Intimacy

Vulture

Compromises

Main attraction

By Anonymous - 15/01/2018 01:30

Today, for the first time in years, I worked up the nerve to ask a work friend if they wanted to hang out sometime. They winced, and said they were busy that day. I hadn't specified a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 063

You deserved it 381

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 14:00

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 406

By XLhottie - 06/06/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 138

You deserved it 22 989

Misconstrued

By DeeGirlMon - 03/08/2012 05:24 - Canada - Calgary

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 6 017

By Kilamo - 14/05/2018 20:30

Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 415

You deserved it 866

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 618

You deserved it 5 259

By kill me - 31/01/2009 15:30 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 114

You deserved it 8 736

By XxHinkaixX - 01/08/2010 02:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 3 471

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 788

You deserved it 7 648

By alex327 - 29/10/2015 03:32 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 266

You deserved it 2 017

Musicians suck

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 01:26 - United States - Tulsa

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 150

You deserved it 3 553

By badmom - 06/11/2015 17:02 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 157

You deserved it 4 738

By Anonymous - 29/07/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 934

You deserved it 6 895

By hlewrn - 22/06/2016 01:52 - United States - Centreville

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 900

You deserved it 33 142

By zzarzzur - 29/12/2015 09:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 1 837

By mushroommouth - 01/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 716

You deserved it 22 662

By BC94 - 16/07/2012 04:21 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 478

You deserved it 2 828

By amorousintx - 26/09/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 260

You deserved it 4 151

By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 895

You deserved it 1 216

By Iceicebaby - 15/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after getting out the car and closing the door, I began walking and slipped on some black ice. In the moment of panic, I grabbed onto my car wing mirror. Luckily, I didn't hit the deck. Unluckily, the wing mirror broke off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 133

You deserved it 646

By Aaron - 26/08/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 613

You deserved it 55 919

Almost made it

By strugglingartist - 26/01/2013 06:14 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 2 344

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 05:44 - United States - Pinellas Park

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 429

You deserved it 5 094

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 20/03/2018 17:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 348

You deserved it 495

By The captain - 21/08/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 4 640

By idiot - 04/01/2013 10:13 - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 12 879

By whatdidimarry - 24/09/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 200

You deserved it 2 278

You give me fever

By Boredstoner420 - 14/03/2020 21:00

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 725

By fail - 14/04/2011 22:27 - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 954

You deserved it 38 362

By Anonymous - 31/05/2015 13:58 - United States

Today, a guy hit on me. It's such a rare occurrence that I didn't know how to react, so I panicked and said "Sorry, I have to go!" Then I remembered we were on a bus, and just turned around and awkwardly pretended he wasn't there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 7 082

By scot - 02/09/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 170

You deserved it 13 912

By bobo - 24/04/2011 01:02 - Canada

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 043

You deserved it 52 847

By cheeseless - 11/08/2016 20:47 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I sprained my wrist while trying to grate a block of frozen cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 431

You deserved it 3 871

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 479

You deserved it 543

By Salzburg - 06/05/2019 12:00

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 04:35 - Australia

Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 149

You deserved it 7 428

By supersplatoon - 08/09/2015 23:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 971

You deserved it 2 675

Wet noodle

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 78

By -__- - 27/12/2013 21:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 747

You deserved it 4 558

By getting real crafty.. - 05/07/2015 15:51 - United States - Sanford

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 2 001

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

manb91uk 22

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 12:46

It’s still a better love story than Twilight! Whatever you did to him during that first night clearly made him want more!

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 9:23

True love if ever I saw it.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 9:23

True love if ever I saw it.

guy_incognito___ 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 January 2018 1:46

Exactly. Who the fuck cares how it started. The first impression often does not mean shit.

Dale Gulley 8

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 12:02

I kind of liked the answer lol

manb91uk 22

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 12:46

It’s still a better love story than Twilight! Whatever you did to him during that first night clearly made him want more!

acmariner99 25

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 14:26

How romantic ... there’s a Hallmark movie in there somewhere I know it!

Stefany Baillargeon 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 January 2018 22:53

or maybe a Lifetime movie. and. you don't know crazy until you get "Lifetime Crazy"

withered 30

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 15:48

He is an idiot. First - he is just as "easy" as the women he slept with. I guess others didn't think of him being for anything more than a one night stand. And what's with his "talking women into having sex with him"? If he needed to talk them into having sex, I guess he just wasn't enough attractive to get them without pestering.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 16:10

Did he ever get around to saying he loved you?

onceuponatime456 16

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 16:47

What a sleazeball! You could have done so much better!

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 17:15

How do you know that, exactly?

sharond23 10

Send a private message

Thursday 11 January 2018 18:33

He was honest with you. why is this an fml?

Chazzster 22

Send a private message

Friday 12 January 2018 1:22

A good example of why you should not ask some questions... Regardless of how it started, it has gone well and I think OP and her husband deserve praise for that.

KittyMack 13

Send a private message

Friday 12 January 2018 17:00

To me the FYL isn't what his reminiscence happened to reveal about his first impression/intentions, it's that he avoided the question. Why would he not tell her when he fell in love? Does that mean he never fell in love with her, just settled for her because he didn't think he could do any better or some sort of thing like that?