Work: Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight... - FML

01/08/2015 06:18 - Australia - Perth

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 540

You deserved it 2 853

Sorry…

Heartbreaking

The Walking Dead

16/05/2011 06:26

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 9 087

28/01/2016 07:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I found out that I don't have to work tomorrow. Normally I would be thrilled to hear this, but not from the 6 o'clock news, doing a piece on my work's rat infestation and indefinite shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 913

You deserved it 1 387

Lemon or haunted?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 08:00

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 162

23/02/2011 16:04 - United States

Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 483

You deserved it 5 903

25/09/2012 11:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 455

You deserved it 4 811

01/10/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 977

You deserved it 34 017

20/06/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 3 566

08/02/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 476

You deserved it 41 893

17/04/2016 14:41 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I had the lovely experience of witnessing a tow truck cause a couple thousand dollars' worth of damage to my broken-down car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 752

You deserved it 1 333

Vibrate mode

By ChiefKoala - 27/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Rockwood

Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 826

You deserved it 202

13/11/2012 18:24 - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 819

You deserved it 34 866

21/02/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 951

You deserved it 8 533

Descriptive

By Teaching26 - 15/05/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 081

You deserved it 17 479

Truthbomb

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 13:00

Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 918

05/12/2013 17:41 - United States

Today, I was driving home, when a truck overtook me. Two of the Christmas trees it was carrying fell off straight into my bumper. The car behind me pulled over, but instead of seeing if I was okay, he just went to see whether or not either of the trees was in good enough shape to take home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 2 824

25/04/2016 05:07 - United States - Eleele

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 160

You deserved it 1 509

Fake News

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 23:01

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 80

09/05/2012 03:48 - France

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 603

You deserved it 36 246

13/09/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 250

03/06/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 665

You deserved it 2 843

Cropped Out

By steph - 15/07/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 826

You deserved it 257

10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 121

You deserved it 6 161

21/02/2013 13:04 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 3 949

Whistleblower

By WhoopsIDidItAgain - 08/03/2021 02:01 - United States - Fremont

Spicy

Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 100

My new friend

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 13:58

Today, I realized at the train station that every day for a month, I've been waving to a cardboard cut-out of a person in the morning. I thought they were real. They're cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 431

05/04/2010 05:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 586

You deserved it 8 158

28/10/2015 22:16

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 343

You deserved it 1 908

19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 023

You deserved it 3 733

03/05/2014 16:50 - Germany - Ramstein

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 974

You deserved it 5 258

Skipped town

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to my girlfriend's apartment, but it was empty. I went to her parents' house, it was empty as well. She isn’t responding to my messages, so I guess I got ghosted in real life and online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 96

Snow day

By Charlie8u347 - 29/12/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 257

You deserved it 6 034

07/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 1 081

11/11/2018 05:00

Today, my ex-wife, who I have a 1000-yard restraining order against since she threatened my new wife and our kids, moved into a house down the street. The police say they can't do anything because her house is more than 1000 yards from mine. It's 1012 yards away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 553

You deserved it 207

26/09/2014 19:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 3 986

24/10/2013 15:52 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 988

You deserved it 6 359

08/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 243

You deserved it 3 870

02/09/2018 04:00

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 466

You deserved it 414

Masterchef

By Anna - 25/07/2020 05:10

Today, my partner, our 5-month-old baby and I had to go to A&E because my idiot boyfriend mistook dishwasher rinse aid for cooking oil, and cooked a meal for us in it. As I'm breastfeeding, even our baby needed blood tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 319

10/03/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 728

You deserved it 5 703

08/03/2010 13:19 - United States

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 257

You deserved it 44 449

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Top comments

who_even_cares02 10

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:04

Nobody gets paid enough to deal with that

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:05

Sadly, most work is voluntary slavery. We are just paid enough to progress and maintain life, and if lucky, a few treats along the way. We can only strive for better, and attempt to do the best we can.

Comments

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:04

Sounds like another ice junkie.

Ravensmoon666 19

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:04

Well at least he's now in a place where he can't harm himself or others. Keep up the good work Op. :)

MisterKnowItAll 15

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:04

he's living life to the fullest.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:18

Yes, because getting high off shit is "living the life."

thatguynamedsky 32

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Sunday 2 August 2015 11:27

we know it's a joke, is it a bad one?

laden_swallow09 34

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Tuesday 4 August 2015 3:54

^^ Yes. Definitely a bad one.

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Wednesday 5 August 2015 9:20

hopefully you're being sarcastic

who_even_cares02 10

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:04

Nobody gets paid enough to deal with that

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Sunday 2 August 2015 6:05

Sadly, most work is voluntary slavery. We are just paid enough to progress and maintain life, and if lucky, a few treats along the way. We can only strive for better, and attempt to do the best we can.

Send a private message

Sunday 2 August 2015 6:09

Thats deep dude

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:26

Aren't you a ray of sunshine.

UncleCaitlyn 21

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Sunday 2 August 2015 7:45

You just went there but that is the sad truth

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Sunday 2 August 2015 10:29

This is probably the most intelligent thing I've read on FML. Well done. Listen to this man, he speaks the truth.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 14:13

You... I like the way you think

danceinconverse 25

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Sunday 2 August 2015 18:51

Except slavery is literally being forced to work for someone, so if you volunteer it's not forced anymore. Nice try though.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 21:14

"If you don't build your dreams, someone else with hire you to build theirs" If you let someone reduce your life to "voulantary slavery" you deserve it. And don't attempt to do the best you can, just do it. None of this attempting bullshit. You have to believe there is no possible way you can be stopped. That's the only way to make it. That's the problem with people today they give up too easy. You gotta fight for what you want no matter what others tell you but no one wants to fight anymore. They just accept the paycheck and slink back to their computers where they're comfortable. There's my rant for the day. Peace.

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Monday 3 August 2015 4:27

You're the type of person who thinks McDonalds should be a career

bandaidstations 28

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:05

At least he didn't try to eat your face off.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:08

He must have been on that Molly

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:09

I know how you feel OP. Except i wasn't a cop, and the person who was high was my brother.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 9:47

OP isn't a cop either.

Dick_diamond 22

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Sunday 2 August 2015 17:59

Try

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Sunday 2 August 2015 19:47

Why is #31 downvoted? I thought OP wasn't a cop either because the FML says "another" paramedic.

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:11

By the sound of your stress I think you need the same shit that the guy was on

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:29

Meh, he doesn't need to be the reason for someone else's FML. Some "medicinal" pot should be plenty...

MdMan2 23

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Sunday 2 August 2015 6:16

He must've had a wild night. :)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 226

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 69