Love: Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to...

By OneYearMistake. - 22/07/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 529

You deserved it 6 071

Love

Late term

Broken heart

Shidding and farding

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 354

You deserved it 5 312

Fucked around, found out

By anonymouss - 26/08/2021 16:01

Today, I had to yell at both my adult children; my daughter for having an OnlyFans page and my son for finding the page, blackmailing her for money for two months, then telling me about it when she refused to keep paying. I'm not a proud parent right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 277

By ohaifml - 04/09/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 423

You deserved it 2 810

By LetItRip - 12/07/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 478

You deserved it 3 354

By NextAmericanIdol? - 08/08/2013 04:09 - United States - Bowie

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 673

You deserved it 5 571

By FuckLife - 11/02/2012 13:41 - Australia

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 2 471

By anon - 16/12/2015 15:28 - Australia - Salisbury

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 027

You deserved it 2 123

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 993

You deserved it 16 886

By Anonyme - 29/05/2012 10:19

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 770

You deserved it 9 897

By Anonymous - 02/07/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 762

You deserved it 14 232

By Stevarious - 10/07/2015 15:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 318

You deserved it 2 259

By ulrika - 24/07/2016 01:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 847

You deserved it 4 168

By gymgirl - 05/05/2011 13:47 - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 543

You deserved it 48 091

By Anonymous - 20/02/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 170

You deserved it 2 563

By BondingTime - 17/03/2014 09:51 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 969

You deserved it 4 105

Welcome to the machine

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 20:01

Today, I was laid off on the day I was about to put in an offer on a house. This company promised me the world, and I broke myself working to prove my worth. Turns out, I wasn't getting paid for the lunches and breaks I didn't take either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 129

By gloria77 - 23/01/2012 23:26 - United States

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 297

You deserved it 7 458

By crappy_day - 09/01/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 549

You deserved it 5 763

You tried…

By Emoney1 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 605

You deserved it 6 963

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 293

You deserved it 694

Beggars can't be choosers

By Kathleen - 04/12/2020 08:08

Today, the weird guy with the 'Elvis in Las Vegas' haircut-and-sunglasses combo who cleans tables at my work tried to hit on me. This is the most interest any man has given me in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 168

By gummy - 03/05/2019 16:00

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 151

By cathugger - 13/07/2019 16:30

Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 116

Thanks, Marley

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 08:08

Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 225

By kylie18xx21 - 01/02/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 371

You deserved it 2 289

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/01/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 897

You deserved it 7 626

By Adam - 18/11/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 350

You deserved it 70 126

By Anonymous - 10/07/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 807

You deserved it 41 214

By gummy bear - 21/01/2011 11:41

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 490

You deserved it 30 846

By failure - 29/07/2011 06:19 - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 822

You deserved it 15 762

By welcometothefamily - 26/02/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 032

You deserved it 3 214

By mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 727

You deserved it 18 431

Smells like victory

By Ready to break up - 08/01/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 611

You deserved it 20 490

By Mandy - 22/12/2014 21:36 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 223

You deserved it 2 422

Three cheers for the boobies

By Laura - 28/04/2021 11:01

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 583

By dejected - 28/02/2010 01:32 - United States

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 209

You deserved it 6 721

By fukingtigans - 29/07/2015 15:30 - Croatia - Rupalj

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 592

You deserved it 2 478

By Anonymous - 04/04/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 168

By fallen - 15/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 867

You deserved it 279

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RESTAREA 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:11

He cut up a bunch of perfectly good bed sheets? You guys have done it on enough bed sheets to make a patchwork out of it? You don't wash the sheets afterward? This is disturbing on many levels... Something is wrong with the both of you

coopcas 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:12

Give him a sweater you knit out of the pubes he makes you shave off.

cliffbiker 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:06

the left over love juice is pretty romantic

DrAwesome 6

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:14

Hell, if that's not romantic, then I don't know what is...

iBimmer 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 12:10

YDI for leaking lots of fluids.

sherryterry3 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 15:51

That has got to be the most DISGUSTING thing I've ever heard. My goodness, men are just PIGS. Don't get me wrong, women are too but seriously? That's romantic? I'd hate to think how he would propose to someone... cook up a meal and use his sperm as dressing... just because it would be the perfect occasion... eating their "babies".

Desapig 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 17:39

hurrrrrrrr I'm a feminist...men r pigs and wimin are sooo much better hurrrrrr

Maniac_Taco 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 20:04

You're a feminist and only think men are worse because you can't spell. 'Hurr'.

diabetic_rage 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 21:21

#97 I love you. and #112, you're an idiot.

Broc 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 22:42

112, You're SO retarded... When you read this in your head, I want you to really put some emphasis on the "SO." Maybe then you'll get it.

bbobe900000 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 7:51

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA #178... 'use his sperm as dressing' hahaha u have no idea how much this made me laugh

silentmusic 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 18:39

awww....ydi! he spent alot of time wtih u on that! it would be really mean to just not accept it.

ryan100 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 4:21

fuck you

hellokittywhore 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 12:29

that's ummmm ..... charming I guess. honestly I'm at a loss for words. :/

SneakyMuffin 0

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Sunday 9 October 2011 10:37

Hahaha... No men are awesome. We kill we eat meat we can defend ourselves we can do EVERYTHING!!!

SneakyMuffin 0

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Sunday 9 October 2011 10:39

I meant no, men

spazz666 18

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Saturday 23 February 2013 5:11

I'm female and I can do all of those things plus withstand child birth. I don't see the point of your comment, unless you're saying that you think men are better than women. It's called equality.

NotSoNice 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:06

That's disturbing...

Imawhalerider 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:39

run away now

sexymessy 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 10:59

Agree agree! Not so sure "its the thought that counts" really applies here...

intotheblue 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 13:51

Yeah that's freaky... Might want to run the other way...

Maniacfive 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 17:57

Agreed! Get the hell out girl! get the hell out! how long had he been cutting away the bits on those sheets?! Creepy.

Jandude 9

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Saturday 10 April 2010 13:10

sexymessy is fking ugly

redrovaa 0

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Tuesday 27 July 2010 15:55

Jandude needs to get a more original haircut.

KillaKingPerrie 4

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:07

DA FECK!

zidane312 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:09

i LOVE making stains on her sheets

Tatertotz515 0

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Monday 30 May 2011 19:54

u seem like a creeper

Pinkerton726 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:10

Sounds like somebody's getting used tampons for their birthday/Christmas...

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Thursday 23 July 2009 16:59

Best comment award! Hahaha thats perfect. OP: uuuhhmmm... Its the thought that counts? Heh

Tatertotz515 0

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Monday 30 May 2011 19:56

Or like a used tampon necklace

RESTAREA 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:11

sherryterry3 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 15:55

Couldn't agree more!

PokeyStix 3

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Thursday 23 July 2009 18:52

True dat.

coopcas 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:12

Give him a sweater you knit out of the pubes he makes you shave off.

smiller0789 3

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:21

Ohhh my god. Epic comment XD

nickyzinks 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 10:29

LOL!

purpleBerryZ 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 10:36

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

sahara_fml 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 12:35

This is the best response I've ever read; you, sir, win the internet.

Mortishia 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 14:33

da best!

plexico 3

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Thursday 23 July 2009 14:33

Oooh, I'd be smelling my sleeve all day!

cherrydrop 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 20:44

i got an account solely for the purpose to tell you that your comment is awesome. the best thing ive read on FML. :P

ReasonsToFly 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:16

When he's sleeping at night put the stains on his face.

Tubasaurus 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 10:49

It's safe to assume that he would only be turned on by that.

Emico_fml 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:16

Didn't Tracey Emin do something like that?

doof_fisch 2

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Thursday 23 July 2009 9:17

This isn't totally without precedent. In biblical times, the groom would go into the wedding chamber with his virgin wife. The best man would be stationed outside the chamber. When the marriage was consummated the bridegroom would let out a shout of happiness. The blood-stained sheet would then become a sort of trophy because it proved that the bride had saved her virginity until marriage (as the Bible requires.)

carmoniam 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 10:11

Gross.

penizulaface 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 11:10

... periodsex?

Elphie_fml 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 14:00

No, she would be bleeding if she was a virgin and hadn't had sex before. If she didn't bleed, they'd assume she had already had sex outside the marriage, although not everyone bleeds their first time.

divineinstrument 2

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Thursday 23 July 2009 14:09

Girls bleed when they lose their virginity? Ew, I thought was very uncommon. I mean, I know the first time is usually very uncomfortable for the girl, but that's just sick. Why th Also, if not ALL girls bleed after their first time, what happened to the ones who didn't bleed after their first time? Were they assumed to be non-virgins and fed to the lions or something? Christianity fails

plexico 3

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Thursday 23 July 2009 14:35

Actually, they would also bring a small amount of chicken blood with them to stain the sheet in case the bride's hymen had broken earlier in her life. There are ways that can happen that are totally non-sexual.

awesomelylame 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 14:41

You sort of fail for not knowing that #62.

Broc 0

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Thursday 23 July 2009 22:44

Speaking of virgins...

sixtrey 0

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Friday 24 July 2009 2:15

I'm 100% sure my current gf was a virgin and she didn't bleed, she did had alot of pain but no blood i know some girls bleed like my ex but it varries from girl to girl FYL for not knowing that xD